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Numb · Aug 31, 2007, 08:55 AM

The whole point of NC is to get on with your life without someone, for the rest of your life. I don't see how that can happen if you're posting in a thread and dwelling over how long you haven't been in contact for.

At some point you have to stop counting.

Of course, you're right. Things are still fresh for me and I really can't act as if I don't care or do not count the days. I'm counting now cause I'm having a hard time but that doesn't mean that I do not want to move on. I think it's the same for others too.

Suelle, this is great news!! I'm so happy for you :) Your post did just give me an extra boost of determination!

MissingHim2Much · Aug 31, 2007, 10:48 AM

[QUOTE=Numb]Of course, you're right. Things are still fresh for me and I really can't act as if I don't care or do not count the days. I'm counting now cause I'm having a hard time but that doesn't mean that I do not want to move on. I think it's the same for others too.

I agree with you Numb, things are still fresh and very painful and I think keeping track of our N/C and talking about our ex's is part of the grieving process. Like I've said before in one of my threads. THIS IS LIKE A DEATH AND I AM GRIEVING!!

MissingHim2Much · Aug 31, 2007, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by Suelle383

So, its 2 days shy of the 2 month mark of our break-up and 17 days of no contact and guess who just called me? Aaghh! I didn't answer. He left a message saying "Hi, wanted to see what was up? I miss you. Call me back." Fat chance. I'm NOT calling you back. Maybe I'll call him back in 60 days when I really don't care anymore. This is going to be tough. But I figure a phone call is nothing and he probably just really wants to see what was up. If he wanted to get back together, he'd be at my house saying/crying it to me, not calling me at work at 11am on a Friday. I feel like I actually got the power back now. Yeah!

WOW Suelle, I would freak out if he called me, I don't think he ever will but if he did I don't think I would be as strong as you are. In fact I know I wouldn't be. That's what I hope for really. I want him back and I can't lie about it

Jiser · Aug 31, 2007, 10:57 AM

Don't ever answer. My first question if ever my ex did: Why are you calling me? I have moved on I suggest you do to. I don't do friends with ex's. I have friends already, your not one of them. Bye

Suelle383 · Aug 31, 2007, 12:40 PM

I'm not that strong. It's killing me not calling him back but I know he won't have anything to say that I want to hear and I don't want to then talk to him, hang up, and then half to start all over at square one. And honestly, the more and more I think about it... I don't know that I necessarily miss him anymore. I think I just miss having someone in my life, not necessarily him. And why should I settle for someone who was so unsure about us that he let me go. I guess I'm having a pretty good today thankfully. Next week I might get down again but you know, the healing process is a roller coaster.

Suelle383 · Aug 31, 2007, 12:42 PM

Jiser - Exactly. Why would I want to be friends with an ex? I don't want a constant reminder of pain and rejection. Unless of course the breakup was completely mutual. But if it wasn't comoletely mutual, beings friends always winds up with someone getting hurt over and over again.

MissingHim2Much · Aug 31, 2007, 01:03 PM

Originally Posted by Suelle383

I'm not that strong. It's killing me not calling him back but I know he won't have anything to say that I want to hear and I don't want to then talk to him, hang up, and then half to start all over at square one. And honestly, the more and more I think about it...I don't know that I necessarily miss him anymore. I think I just miss having someone in my life, not necessarily him. And why should I settle for someone who was so unsure about us that he let me go. I guess I'm having a pretty good today thankfully. Next week I might get down again but you know, the healing process is a roller coaster.

I can't imagine not missing him. I don't know if you've read any of my posts on here but we had a great relationship. We literally laughed and had fun everyday. We had respect for each other. We didn't fight. We did special things for each other everyday, maybe one day he would make me dinner so I would rub his back in return or visa versa. We went fishing almost every weekend, or camping, We went grocery shopping together and genuinly loved being together and this lasted for 7 years. He even made me dinner and made love to me the day before he left. I WANT THAT BACK!!

Suelle383 · Aug 31, 2007, 01:20 PM

Yes, I know how you feel. We had sex the morning we broke up. Then that day, we went to the zoo and had fun all day. And then that night, it was just like BAM.. we had a fight and that was it. But you have to remember, if it was such a perfect relationship for both of you, then he wouldn't be gone. I think sometimes we are so blinded by love that we don't see everything that's going on. We were best friends, so I don't understand it either how someone can suddenly just say "well, that's it, i'm done". Sometimes people just need to be left alone to sort out their feelings.

And remember, you will get that back! It won't necessarily be with the same person but whether its with another person or your ex, you want that back with someone who is SURE that they want to be with you forever... not just for now. No conniving or manipulating can make that happen.

MissingHim2Much · Aug 31, 2007, 01:34 PM

Originally Posted by Suelle383

Yes, I know how you feel. We had sex the morning we broke up. Then that day, we went to the zoo and had fun all day. And then that night, it was just like BAM..we had a fight and that was it. But you have to remember, if it was such a perfect relationship for both of you, then he wouldn't be gone. I think sometimes we are so blinded by love that we don't see everything that's going on. We were best friends, so I don't understand it either how someone can suddenly just say "well, that's it, i'm done". Sometimes people just need to be left alone to sort out their feelings.

And remember, you will get that back! It won't necessarily be with the same person but whether its with another person or your ex, you want that back with someone who is SURE that they want to be with you forever....not just for now. No conniving or manipulating can make that happen.

Very good point Suelle. I later found out he was being intensly pursued by a girl he works with. Not that that's any excuse but she somehow made him question our relationship. Funny thing is he was constantly asking me if I knew how rare what we have together is, and I always said yes I do its very rare.

Suelle383 · Aug 31, 2007, 01:43 PM

Yes, people always think the grass is greener. You just got to let him see for himself. Especially, when you're together for so long and I think you were together for most of his 20s, right? (Same thing for me.) He suddenly says, wait, is this it? How can I be sure this is the best girl for me? I'm pretty sure based on my discussions with me ex, that that's what his problem was. We started dating when he was 21 and I was 26, so I had a substantial amount of more dating experience than he had. So, the day of the fight he basically said to me "if we stay together any longer, we're going to have to get married and I'm not ready to dedicate myself to one person yet....you're the best gf ever, I just wished we had met 5 years later than we did"... so there's really no response to that I can give him... other than to just disappear from his life... and pray 20 years from now, he looks back and says, "wow, i shouldn't have let that one go"...

And missinghim2much, who knows, maybe you and I will find the grass is greener. : )

MissingHim2Much · Aug 31, 2007, 01:52 PM

Actually Suelle he was only 18 when we got together he is 25 now. So I do need to let him go out and experience everything he missed that's one reason I haven't contacted him. If you love something set it free.. etc etc

Suelle383 · Aug 31, 2007, 01:56 PM

Haha... my guy is 25 too now. Exactly, set it free. You know, my aunt once told me that woman settle down when they meet the right person, and men settle down when it's the right time. Timing really is everything. I think I'm staying away from the younger boys for now.

Yes, and that's why not contacting him is the best thing to do in the situation.

MissingHim2Much · Aug 31, 2007, 02:05 PM

Originally Posted by Suelle383

haha...my guy is 25 too now. Exactly, set it free. You know, my aunt once told me that woman settle down when they meet the right person, and men settle down when its the right time. Timing really is everything. I think I'm staying away from the younger boys for now.

Yes, and that's why not contacting him is the best thing to do in the situation.

I've never heard that before but it makes so much sense. It seems that's exactly what happen he was the right person but it wasn't the right time.

Suelle383 · Aug 31, 2007, 02:10 PM

But, I firmly believe, there's not just one right person for each of us... if that was the case, we'd all be screwed cause how we ever find them in this huge world. You just have to find the combination of right person/right time.

MissingHim2Much · Aug 31, 2007, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by Suelle383

But, i firmly believe, there's not just one right person for each of us...if that was the case, we'd all be screwed cause how we ever find them in this huge world. You just have to find the combination of right person/right time.

I so want to be where you are Suelle. I want to think there's someone else out there for me and be strong enough to reject him if he came back. But I'm not there. I know at this point of my recovery I would be a pitiful weakling and take him back if he wanted me to.

Suelle383 · Aug 31, 2007, 02:35 PM

I was crying every day for 6 weeks after we broke up... I was crying in the car, at work, in the shower, in bed, it never ended. What was harder was that he was still calling so that made it even harder because I had to act like I was totally fine. This I think is about the 9th week, and I started feeling a lot better. The mornings are usually the hardest, but it really is getting A LOT better. I was where you were. I thought, "how can I go on...i'll never feel the same way about anyone..blahblah"... This site has actually really helped with everything and just hanging out with my friends as much as possible and stuff like that makes it a lot better. And staying away from the grapevine makes SUCH a big difference. You'll have good days and then you'll have bad days but slowly... really slowly it'll get a little better each day.

Numb · Sep 1, 2007, 07:30 AM

Actually Suelle he was only 18 when we got together he is 25 now. So I do need to let him go out and experience everything he missed that's one reason I haven't contacted him. If you love something set it free.. etc etc

I'm not really sure of this. My ex was 16 when we got together and now she's 22... if she's doing this to "experience" things it would be real stupid.. cause I wonder what is left for her to experience regarding "guys"? And whatever she wanted to experience I directly made it available for her (earthly/life matters). So if going out dating guys for short time is "experience", I'll say the girl is nothing but a B**** quiet openly. And same applies for a guy... So to put it in another way.. they want FUN and childish stuff.. and they aren't simply ready for any commitment, they just didn't mature enough to even realise a thing.

Look at it this way.. they left us suddenly and it wasn't a mutual break up nor because of something SO BAD one did to the other! So to leave someone after spending so many years with is just cause the person got bored, want to mess around, wants to feel free and simply because he/she no longer feels a thing for the other partner or simply an act of immaturity. For whatever reason it is, this person got to feel some regret one day in the future and stick to it.. cause there is no turning back.

Just my opinion though.. as for me, I think after 3 sleepless nights, I finally got myself on track and feel nothing anymore. I got cheated on and dumped, so I really see it way too stupid to even THINK about it! I don't care anymore and I feel real good since yesterday.. and going on a date soon too :)

Suelle383 · Sep 1, 2007, 09:13 AM

Aaghhh!! So, my phone rings this morning and I don't recognize the # and I answer it... and it's my ex!! He tricked me! He knew I wouldn't answer if I saw it was him. So we shoot the breeze and he tells me how everythings not good with him.. blah blah blah... and I act like everything is fine and great with me.. and then he just keeps chitchatting about stuff and finally I'm like... ok, I got to go. And he's like OK, I'll talk to you later. Why did this have to happen?! What does he want from me?? I don't know what to do now. I was seriously doing so good! At least I know now it seems I'm doing a lot better than he is!

Numb · Sep 1, 2007, 09:21 AM

ARRGH! More great news from you Suelle... well seems like you started hesitating.. I can't blame you.. so, want him back?

Suelle383 · Sep 1, 2007, 09:33 AM

I don't know. I was doing so good and hadn't cried in weeks and now of course, the second I get of the phone with him I'm crying again! At least I played it entirely cool to his face. I don't want him back if the only reason he's coming back is because his life sucks and he has no one else. I only would take him back (and slowly at that) if he really showed that he had made a HUGE mistake and that I was the one he wanted to be with forever. But honestly, I've started healing and moving on and I can't take this anymore. It's like either sh*t or get off the pot, you know?