[mcfmommy]

Hi. My name is Bridget. I have 2 special need kids, both addicted to serious drugs when they were born. Both amazing and doing great. My son will be 2 next month, he has been with me since he was born. We have an amazing bond and connection. He is very easy to care for, laid back, we just click. My daughter is 20 months old today. They are 3.5 months apart.

My daughter came home 3 weeks ago today. She is beautiful and incredibly smart! She took to me immediately. She was in a foster home for 19 months and came home to me in the middle of the night because of suspected abuse ( a burn on her stomach). She was also drug addicted at birth, although I still do not have all the information on her.

I am so torn and feeling guilty about it! I love my kids, I really do. Sooooo much! I was the best mom in the world 3 weeks ago! Now I feel like I am always on edge and have very little patience. I don't know if I am just adjusting or what.

I have always wanted to adopt. I work full time as a nanny and my kids come to work with me. I am also a single mom. I am also in full time graduate school, working on a master's degree in social work. I have a lot on my plate, but I think my main stress is that I am afraid I won't love my daughter as much as I love my son. I feel like I don't really know her. My son and I are so close and my daughter follows me around and obviously loves me and feels comfortable with me, but I sort of feel more like her nanny than her mom. I am afraid this is how it will always be. I want to love them equally. I want to have my patience back. I have feelings of guilt about disrupting our home for my son and making him share everything. I have feelings of guilt because there are so many changes I have made with my daughter and I don't want to overwhelm her, but I also don't want my son to think things she says are OK. She came from a much rougher home than the one I provide and she is softening. SHe is incredible and resilient. I don't want to take away that part of her, but she yells and says things like "shut up" and "gimme". She is so bright that she has already learned to say please and thank you. I don't want to make it sound like she is a difficult kid. She is not. The issue is with me and it is internal. Can anyone help? How long will it take to bond with her as my own child? It was instant with my son. Any advice on sibling rivalry?

[GV70]

Hello,Bridget!
You have my respect for your decisions! I do not think it is mandatory to love them equally.I am not an adoptive father. I have a son but my feelings toward him take turns... Sometimes I love him the best , other times I am angry at him... In my view it is important NOT to show your emotions more than it is needed.I think in your situation you must not to show more care and attention to your daughter than to your son.It would be bad if he decides that he is in danger of losing your love. Love them both! Love-not equally,not more and not less.Only LOVE THEM!
There are a lot of services for adoptive parents help.You can take some counceling there.
Good luck!!

[collinsmom]

Hi Bridget. I'm also an adoptive mom. We have one son that was home with us 2 days after birth. We know the birthmother and have a great relationship with her and her family.

To be honest with you, I think you are feeling things that are what every mother (adoptive or birthmother) goes through... adding another child to the family when you son is used to your 100% attention. I know that you love both of your children, but they are different. It's only been 3 weeks with your daughter. Give yourself (and her) time to adjust. From what my girlfriends have told me, adding another child to your family is stressful, no matter how prepared you think you are.

I really admire you. My husband and I are wanting to adopt again and have consider foster children. We are currently moving to Cincy (KY side) and will be pursue this... any advise?

Take care!