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smoothy · Sep 7, 2007, 11:34 AM

If your Monthly friend came to visit and stayed for 18 straight days I recommend you get to a gynecologist ASAP. Something is wrong.

NeedKarma · Sep 7, 2007, 11:35 AM

This is the same issue that working women and stay at home moms have when their husbands complain that sex has dropped off. The response is usually that the women are "too tired" and the men have to shut up and accept their fate. Same goes here I guess.

Synnen · Sep 7, 2007, 01:14 PM

Frankly, I'm one of those people that's too tired during the week.

I work 40 hours, spend another 5 commuting, I exercise after work, make dinner, do dishes, do laundry, and maybe find some time to sit at my computer and relax before it's time for bed.

I'm TIRED during the week. The LAST thing on my mind is sex.

If your husband works, spends time with the kids, helps around the house, and you still have great sex on the weekend, I'd count my blessings if I were you. Part of getting older and having kids and having other priorities than just each other is that you have to have give and take.

Would you rather have him come home, grab a beer, sit in front of the TV all night ignoring you, the kids, and the housework, come to bed, have great sex, and then roll over? We hear about people like THAT here too!

Did you mention to him that you'd like to get lucky yesterday? Or just hint at it? Men don't get "hints" most of the time--you have to come out and TELL them what you want!

Coming from the other side of things, though... I'd say you're pretty lucky with what you HAVE.

GoldieMae · Sep 7, 2007, 01:37 PM

I've been married for a while now, and there have been dry spells, but I've (we've) worked hard to make sex a priority. In a relationship, sex is a big deal to men and women, and if you don't keep up with an active sex life, you will lose your sex drive.

I've started initiating whenever I am in the mood. Not an accusatory "why don't we have sex anymore" thing, but a spontaneous grant of sexual favors kind of initiation. I make the first move more often. And I make a concerted effort to not say no unless it is absolutely necessary that I say no. Most women don't take the initiative and wait around for their husbands to want it. Sometimes a woman has to make a man want it. Know what I mean?

I've decided that being tired is no longer an acceptable excuse for me. The result: my husband is the one who has to say no. I don't say no anymore. Sex life is greatly improved. When he does say no, I don't get upset at all. I just accept it. Sometimes he changes his mind, sometimes he goes right to sleep. But one thing I've learned is that when we hit a dry spell, I can't rely on him to initiate. I have to take charge of the situation. When we get back on track, the libido goes back up and everyone's happy.

Oh, and the standby stilettos go a long way, so if you don't wear them, get a pair to trot around the house in.

Treeny · Sep 7, 2007, 02:04 PM

I am 42 and married for 19 yrs, we have had a lot of dry spells. Like Goldie said when you get into the rutt the libido goes down.
When I want to I make the first move rarely will he say no but I can tell if he's just not into it. Sometimes he's more than ready and willing.
The most effort seems to be the initiation.
If he's willing on the weekends and tired during the week,what's the prob?
Is it the attention or the desire for sex?
If its attention start by telling him you need to feel more attention from him or show him
By giving it to him a pat on the butt or hugs whatever, sometimes this fallows to the bedroom as well. If its pure sex that you are in need more of you could try to pleasure yourself during the week.

MayMsredrose · Sep 8, 2007, 03:47 AM

Hi... tell him the way you feel about it the same way you are talking to us about it... I can not see a reason that you do not have sex during the week!! Have you checked if your husband is cheating on you or not?? Because one of the best red flags that the man is cheating on his girlfriend or wife that he does not have sex with her as frequent as it used to be coming up with excuses that he is busy , tired.. etc..

GOOD LUCK
Ms. Redrose

smoothy · Sep 10, 2007, 06:41 AM

Try something new... something you haven't done much if at all. Tell him you want it up the butt... that usually gets most guys going. But key thing is be creative. Odds are you fell into a routine and do the same thing the same way... thats boring as hell.

cpalmist · Sep 10, 2007, 07:05 AM

Back in your wild and 'too sore to walk' days, had you built in some rituals/signals that 'we are going to screw our brains out like rabid minks?'
Sometimes the we get to missing the rituals that we developed early on that made things so special, so pleasurable. It's kind of like having cake without the frosting and when its become cake of Biblical proportions (Jesus Christ! The same today, the same yesterday and the same tomorrow - I believe the verse goes) then its time to start revisiting the kinds of frosting that go with the cake.
Funny posting - usually it's the guy that is lamenting the lack of sex.

So my advice is to start remembering the hottest sex you ever had with husband and start comparing and contrasting as to what you did then and what you are (not doing) now and see what needs to be there. Doesn't mean it all has to be there - you know, the vcr's, the toys, the goat and the piñatas and stuff. Just start adding a few things each time until you find the magical point that makes both of you happy.

Best of luck!

Please rate this answer iffen you please.

Stac33 · Sep 10, 2007, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by GoldieMae

I've been married for a while now, and there have been dry spells, but I've (we've) worked hard to make sex a priority. In a relationship, sex is a big deal to men and women, and if you don't keep up with an active sex life, you will lose your sex drive.

I've started initiating whenever I am in the mood. Not an accusatory "why don't we have sex anymore" thing, but a spontaneous grant of sexual favors kind of initiation. I make the first move more often. And I make a concerted effort to not say no unless it is absolutely necessary that I say no. Most women don't take the initiative and wait around for their husbands to want it. Sometimes a woman has to make a man want it. Know what I mean?

I've decided that being tired is no longer an acceptable excuse for me. The result: my husband is the one who has to say no. I don't say no anymore. Sex life is greatly improved. When he does say no, I don't get upset at all. I just accept it. Sometimes he changes his mind, sometimes he goes right to sleep. But one thing I've learned is that when we hit a dry spell, I can't rely on him to initiate. I have to take charge of the situation. When we get back on track, the libido goes back up and everyone's happy.

Oh, and the standby stilettos go a long way, so if you don't wear them, get a pair to trot around the house in.

WOW thanks. I needed to hear that.;)

Stac33 · Sep 10, 2007, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Try something new.....something you haven't done much if at all. Tell him you want it up the butt..... that usually gets most guys going. But key thing is be creative. Odds are you fell into a routine and do the same exact thing the same exact way....thats boring as hell.

Well, smoothy. I really don't want it up my butt, but I do get what you mean.;) . We do, do the same type of things, but we both get off. Got some more ideas?(away from the rectal area... )

Stac33 · Sep 10, 2007, 12:32 PM

Originally Posted by cpalmist

Back in your wild and 'too sore to walk' days, had you built in some rituals/signals that 'we are gonna screw our brains out like rabid minks?'
Sometimes the we get to missing the rituals that we developed early on that made things so special, so pleasurable. It's kinda like having cake without the frosting and when its become cake of Biblical proportions (Jesus Christ! The same today, the same yesterday and the same tomorrow - I believe the verse goes) then its time to start revisiting the kinds of frosting that go with the cake.
Funny posting - usually its the guy that is lamenting the lack of sex.

So my advice is to start remembering the hottest sex you ever had with husband and start comparing and contrasting as to what you did then and what you are (not doing) now and see what needs to be there. Doesn't mean it all has to be there - you know, the vcr's, the toys, the goat and the pinatas and stuff. Just start adding a few things each time until you find the magical point that makes both of you happy.

Best of luck!

Please rate this answer iffen you please.

I got to tell you. The hottest sex we are having is happening the longer we are together. Speaking of being sore, I'm feeling that way today a little. We made up for what we weren't doing this weekend, but I wore the poor guy out. He could keep the thing up, but try as he might he couldn't finish(but I did;) )
Curious though... ever happen to you?? And what the hell is the goat and piñatas??

smoothy · Sep 10, 2007, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by Stac33

Well, smoothy. I really don't want it up my butt, but I do get what you mean.;) . We do, do the same type of things, but we both get off. Got some more ideas?(away from the rectal area...)

That really narrows things down a little but try different positions for example. Woman on top let him be there for the ride, If you have kids in the house I know your options will be somewhat limited as to where and when. Take charge when the mood strikes you. Most guys will like that. Few will turn you away.

You might want to research a bit on anal sex. Once you learn how to relax the sphincter you have no idea who good that can feel. My wife for example can get off like that as well. And once was hesitant but now loves it enough to ask for it.

Variety is key... develop a variety of stuff and don't fall into a rut of one thing over and over. Find what works for you as well as for him.

Stringer · Sep 11, 2007, 10:31 PM

Originally Posted by Stac33

Well, smoothy. I really don't want it up my butt, but I do get what you mean.;) . We do, do the same type of things, but we both get off. Got some more ideas?(away from the rectal area...)

FUNNY

Stac33 · Sep 13, 2007, 11:13 AM

Well our anniversary was last night and yippee for me. We had great oral sex and he stayed hard even after he came so I climbed aboard and had two of the most amazing orgasms ever. He wasn't going to again(and I didn't care at that point). AWESOME!! It totally turned me on that he was still hard for so long after he got off. AGAIN-yippee for me.:D

Stringer · Sep 13, 2007, 01:59 PM

Next question..

K D L · Sep 14, 2007, 07:03 AM

Good for you STAC33

Stac33 · Sep 14, 2007, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by Stringer

Next question.........?

Do you want me to ask more questions?

Stac33 · Oct 18, 2007, 01:13 PM

Originally Posted by Treeny

I am 42 and married for 19 yrs, we have had alot of dry spells. Like Goldie said when you get into the rutt the libido goes down.
When I want to I make the first move rarely will he say no but I can tell if hes just not into it. Sometimes hes more than ready and willing.
The most effort seems to be the initiation.
If hes willing on the weekends and tired during the week,whats the prob?
Is it the attention or the desire for sex?
If its attention start by telling him you need to feel more attention from him or show him
by giving it to him a pat on the butt or hugs whatever, sometimes this fallows to the bedroom as well. If its pure sex that you are in need more of you could try to pleasure yourself during the week.

It is the attention for sure. The sexual attention more than anything. I wish it weren't that way. It gets in the way of me being happy, because when he doesn't do it I don't think he wants me anymore.:(