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flower2234 · Aug 27, 2007, 11:14 AM

I have been in a 2 year relationship with my boyfriend. About a year ago he took another job in another state and started commuting back and forth. A month ago he moved there permanately and I stayed. I was willing to move with him, but he never asked me too.

He says that I "bust his balls" all the time about everything, and always about me moving there. I am ready to commit and get married, or even just move there, however he is not. I asked him last week and he said he was not ready. And whenever we talk I always bring the subject up.

I am 28 and he is 32 and I think a couple of weekends a month relationship is tough and I don't like it. While he was commuting I took care of his dog and his house and all I wanted in return is some affection and commitment.

I know that he is unsure of the relationship and thinks that time will tell. I think a lot of the fighting comes from us not being in the same place. I am looking for a house and even a dog where I live and trying to live my life. But I wish that I could figure out what to do, because we do love each other, but need to get back on track.

CorrieNB · Aug 27, 2007, 11:21 AM

It sounds to me like you need a break. From what I read he is not ready for the level of commitment you are. Try to step back and breath for a minute go out with your friends don't call him for a week or so. If it was meant to be it will be, but don't pressure him most guys freak when you try to push things on them they are not ready for. Good luck to you.
LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE THIS DAY IS YOUR LAST!!

GlindaofOz · Aug 27, 2007, 11:27 AM

Not for nothing but if after 2 years of being in a relationship if he is still unsure he will never be sure.

You have said that you want to be married and he has said that he does not. It seems as if your relationship goals are not the same. It seems that after a year of a long distance relationship most are planning on THE move. However he is dissuading you to do so. You also make it sound as if he his behavior towards you has changed since he has moved.

All in all I believe that your suspicions may in fact be correct. You need to decide what you want from your life and decide if right now - not 1 year from now 5 years now RIGHT NOW - your relationship is giving you everything you need. If it does not you need to talk to your boyfriend about making changes. If he refuses then you have your answer. My best relationship analogy is that a relationship is like a rowboat. When only one person is rowing the boat spins in a circle and you go nowhere except tired and frustrated. When two people row the boat sails smooth and straight. The ride is easy. I'll ask you what I've asked others - whose rowing?

flower2234 · Aug 27, 2007, 12:45 PM

I think he may need space. Every time I talk about needing space or time, he says no, and he says he enjoys spending time with me and wants to be with me. I am going up there the next two weekends, and asked him if he needed some time to get things together, and he said no it was fine for me to come.

GlindaofOz · Aug 27, 2007, 01:35 PM

Originally Posted by flower2234

I think he may need space. Everytime I talk about needing space or time, he says no, and he says he enjoys spending time with me and wants to be with me. I am going up there the next two weekends, and asked him if he needed some time to get things together, and he said no it was fine for me to come.

I think you are right. He may be saying he doesn't since men are always afraid that when they say something like that we'll get mad. I would tell him that even though he keeps saying he doesn't want it that you think he needs it. Tell him you'll give him a week or two weeks (whatever you feel comfortable with) to give him time to think. That will also give you a chance to take a step back and examine everything that is going on.

I'm pleased what a level head you appear to have regarding this. Its quite uncommon around here!

CorrieNB · Aug 27, 2007, 01:36 PM

Some one once told me if you have one foot in yest. And one foot in tom. You are pi**ing on today. Sometimes things are better left alone. But if something is really bothering you you should really talk to him about it. Even if he might not like to hear what you have to say.

shaunpillay · Oct 9, 2007, 04:51 AM

Originally Posted by flower2234

I have been in a 2 year relationship with my boyfriend. About a year ago he took another job in another state and started commuting back and forth. A month ago he moved there permanately and I stayed. I was willing to move with him, but he never asked me too.

He says that I "bust his balls" all the time about everything, and always about me moving there. I am ready to commit and get married, or even just move there, however he is not. I asked him last week and he said he was not ready. And whenever we talk I always bring the subject up.

I am 28 and he is 32 and I think a couple of weekends a month relationship is tough and I don't like it. While he was commuting I took care of his dog and his house and all I wanted in return is some affection and committment.

I know that he is unsure of the relationship and thinks that time will tell. I think a lot of the fighting comes from us not being in the same place. I am looking for a house and even a dog where I live and trying to live my life. But I wish that I could figure out what to do, because we do love each other, but need to get back on track.

Hello there

I feel the same, I am so lost at this moment, I love my girlfriend to bits, she used to show me love, now it is anger, a snappy attitude, and just uneasy being around, there is more to tell, I will when I have a chance to.

Shaun