[letmetellu]

I too hate being called Ma'am, and have to agree with one of my female clients in her belief that, "it should be a curse word". Or, as I've seen else where, "Ma'am isn't just a four letter word..it's a four letter word with an apostrophe in the middle."

First off, to correct the response above, every etiquette book asserts that "Ma'am" IS the female equivalent of "Sir". Where you are mixed up is that there is no MALE equivalent of MISS.

The confusion here, is that all our lives women are addressed as "Miss". "How can I help you, Miss?" "Can I get that for you, Miss". Then women pass an Invisible Barrier, and MARRIED OR NOT, people everywhere start calling us Ma'am. We notice it, and wonder why.

People UNCONSCIOUSLY call "older" women Ma'am and "younger" women Miss. It happens all the time. I can tell you of plenty of times I've gone to the store, and a woman not more than 10 years younger than I, also "unmarried", gets addressed as Miss, while the same clerk addresses me as Ma'am. That hurts. I have also purposely taken notice, that if I fix my hair nicely, and wear makeup, and dress more sexily - I am usually NOT called Ma'am when I go shopping! You should try it!!

The solution, I suggest, is what many clerks do - just be pleasant, and polite and attentive and say, "Can I get that for you?", or "Excuse me, I can help you over here,", or "How was your dinner tonight?" Did anyone see anything wrong with any of those? I don't. But, when I get a "Can I get that for you, Ma'am" or "I can help you over here, Ma'am" etc , I just want to scream. It's just not necessary to add the Ma'am or even the Miss. I don't think any stranger has the right to make assumptions about my age or marital status.

Society is too complicated these days to assume WHO everyone is, how old they are, what address makes them comfortable, or whether or not they want to be addressed at all. We can leave the 'titles' and 'addresses' for the people we know, and leave them off for strangers.

You know it would be just as easy for us males to say "CAN I HELP YOU B**TCH?"

[Kay27]

You know it would be just as easy for us males to say "CAN I HELP YOU B**TCH?"

That would be cool. "" is ageless...

[Homegirl 50]

There's just no accounting for taste. We have lost all sense of decorum in this country. Would not recognize good manners if it slapped us in the face.

[s_cianci]

In this day and age I think it's important to encourage people to be respectful in any way or manner possible. Even if you personally find the title dissatisfying I'd say suck it up for the greater good. Don't give people an excuse not to be respectful (e.g. by claiming that "nobody likes to be called sir or ma'am.")

[startover22]

I recognize manners...
I use them when I am in public... and at home.
Hope you guys do to! It all starts with one smile, and one person receiving it! Then when you open your mouth to go and say something... say something nice whether it is ma'am or not... if it is used in respect, you should appreciate it! Especially these days!;)

[Kay27]

As I said, it's polite to pay attention to your customers and answer their questions and say, "I can help you over here," and smile. That is polite.

It's RUDE to make assumptions about someone's AGE and call them ma'am.
I was taught it rude to JUDGE.
I was taught it is rude to make assumptions about others.

If there were a polite term for women (and men for that matter) that had nothing to do with age, fine, great! But there isn't. There is "Miss" for young women, and "Ma'am" for "old" women. When you are "old" enough to start having it happen to you, you'll know how crappy it feels. And, if you look online elsewhere, there are plenty of other women who don't like it either.

Continuing to INSIST that "it's just polite" is missing the point and keeping a closed mind. Open-minded people would say, "Oh, wow, I never thought of it that way. That's kind of weird to me to be honest, but, I"m sorry if it hurts your feelings. I had no idea people thought that way about it. Maybe I'll ask around and see if anyone else thinks that way too." That is the thought process of an OPEN mind. [You are all also showing your age, because clearly it is not happening to you yet.]

Truly, when someone says, "Doing X hurts my feelings, (and the feelings of all my female friends, and the feelings of many women who write about it online,)" WHAT is the point of continuing to shove it down their throat the way you are suggesting? That just seems hurtful.

Is being hurtful being polite?

That's certainly not what I was taught.

So, again, if I had the choice:
"How was your dinner tonight?" Smile..
Or "How was your dinner tonight, Ma'am". I pick the first one, and so do most of the women I know.

[rpg219]

Here in good ole Alabama it is not considered rude to call any age ma'am. I was taught... my teeth would be nocked out if my mom heard me say what or yeah to an adult period. No matter how much older the person was (generally 10 yrs or so). I am guilty of grouping and saying guys to everyone... no gender calling intended, but I say you much more often.
It just depends on where you were raised. My friends up North don't say ma'am to their parents. They don't say yeah, they say yes (what's the difference?). Yes ma'am sounds much better to me, more respectful. I am passing that trait to my 2yo... he says yes ma'am and yes sir to my 25-35yo friends.
When speaking to customers I say yes ma'am to a 10yo girl (most often sure or here sweetie)... it's part of good customer service here. I can't stand it when I go to a business and they ask "Whatcha need?"... now that's rude!
In general I don't think most people put an age on ma'am or sir, it's just how they were raised. We shouldn't judge the way people were raised to address others. If it's not the way you address others, just ignore it and go on about your business.

[startover22]

Hmmmm, I find it polite... I guess I am one of the few.

[Homegirl 50]

I find it polite as well. I am 54 years old, I have no problem being called ma'am. I had no problem being called maam when I was in my 30s and 40s. I was taught it was a sign of respect. It lets me know there are still people around who are being taught manners. I taught my daughter to call adults ma'am or sir.

[kindj]

I teach 7th grade, and I call all the girls "ma'am." Ditto for my principal.

I don't mean anything disrespectful by it---far from it, in fact. I was just raised to speak to ladies with respect.

Yeah, I guess it's a southern thing.

[rpg219]

Start... I think with your mannerisms, you are just a southerner at heart :)

[startover22]

start.....I think with your mannerisms, you are just a southerner at heart :)

I am... I am... That's it I am moving far far away from here! LOL
Too cute Rp... too funny:p

[rpg219]

Better hurry... the South is running out of room, LOL! But for you... we'll push a few over LMAO

[startover22]

Thanks... I want to wear a dress and work on the farm too... OK? That is how I picture it... just like the movies and book I have read... I am there... give me a bit, I have lot's of stuff to move...

[rpg219]

Make sure you get that pink couch! LOL... well, there are a FEW farms left... we'll just have to search heehee

[startover22]

Yes... and I want it on my porch... with the lemonade and cookies...

[rpg219]

I guess it's time to go pull the potatoes and shuck the corn for dinner LOL... see you in a bit

[rpg219]

I'll make sure I grab some lemons from the trees to go with dinner

[startover22]

PERFECT! Aww, I wish...

[rpg219]

Don't we all... although we do have fresh oranges and bananas. After the traffic tonight... micro meals it is LOL