[mimi230]

I was just looking for some advice. My boyfriend of 2 years mother was diagnosed with cancer last month. She has had several surgeries this month, but and things have not been looking good. We were told today that the doctor said they will make her comfortable, but that she will not recover from this. My boyfriend does not accept this, he is sure that she will get better and make it through. I believe in miracles, but I also have to be realistic and realize that the doctor is most likely correct. Most of his family is trying to prepare, making preliminary arrangements and so forth, but he and his father refuse to believe that it is necessary.

I understand that they are in denial, but can anyone offer any advice on dealing with this situation? I am of course here for them no matter what, but I feel like he should begin to prepare himself for what is going to happen. I don't feel like there is anything I can say or do to make him feel better or to help him cope with this.

Any help would be greatly apprecited. Thank you!

[Fr_Chuck]

You let him be in denial and be there for him if it goes bad and there for him if she does get over it.

Denial is normal for many people, and if she does pass, there will or can be various stages, just be there. Normally best thing is nothing.

[LearningAsIGo]

First, let me say I'm terribly sorry to hear that you have such a hardship to face. It's nice to know you're boyfriend has such a nice, loving person that will be there to comfort him throughout this process.

As Fr_Chuck mentioned, denial is a natural part of the grieving process. Its going to be hard for him (them) to accept, but eventually they will. Its probably best now to wait, but quietly remind him that you're here and will be there to do whatever would help.
I was dating my husband 1 yr. when his younger brother was killed in a car crash. I learned very quickly that it was best for me to stay "invisible" but do the little things that were otherwise forgotten. While everyone was at the house, I'd jump up and make a pot of coffee. I'd sit next to someone at the funeral looking forlorn and just place my arm around them. Small gestures of affection will speak volumes when you may not realize it.

Just stay close by, offer to lend an ear, and say some prayers for them. Small gestures of kindess (cook dinner for the family, take a book to his mother, etc.) will make the biggest impact. Right now he may not see it, but later on he will.

Much love and prayers to you.
~n

[CaptainRich]

Denial works for me. While my wife has been ill, cancer now for several years, I've found denial to be the only way left to remain supportive. We don't know how much longer she has. The Dr's aren't hopeful. They've stated recently, she's not a candidate for this or that. All they can do is try this chemical slurry or that. Everything makes her very tired or depressed. So if they(your boyfriend and family) want to use denial as a tool to help them cope, that's fine by me. I'm glad to hear it's normal.