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    junsmai's Avatar
    junsmai Posts: 25, Reputation: -1
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    #1

    Aug 22, 2007, 11:28 AM
    Is he Gay?
    I don't love my husband any more- we have 2 children but he has been distant through out our 4 year marriage . He would never initiate sex and if I did I wuld be pushed away. He was molested as a child and acts a little feminine and has complimented men on t.v that wear speedos. He says ddaaam? I believe he is gay. I have asked and he has denied it. I am now fed up with his alcohol abuse, I fear for my children although he has been a good father. . He is very heart broken because I have ended the relationship and asked him to move out.. am I doing the right thing? There where many times I asked him to change but the change lasted a few wekks and went back to being the same loveless marriage.. what can I do?
    GlindaofOz's Avatar
    GlindaofOz Posts: 2,334, Reputation: 354
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    #2

    Aug 22, 2007, 11:46 AM
    If you are unhappy then you are definitely doing the right thing. Regardless of whether he is gay YOU are unhappy and he sounds like he has a lot of issues.

    Remember you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be in a loving and happy marriage
    Dennis777's Avatar
    Dennis777 Posts: 478, Reputation: 124
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    #3

    Aug 22, 2007, 12:13 PM
    Hello.

    It sounds like you did the only thing you could do. Maybe this will wake him up and you will have the Man you fell in Love with back. The big thing is now your kids will grow up in a home with Love. Kids know what's going on so don't think you can hide your loss of Love for each other from them. This is a positive move for them as well as you.

    Dennis777
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #4

    Aug 22, 2007, 12:36 PM
    If he is gay or not is less of an issue than the alcohol abuse. If he's a mean drunk or refuses to go to AA then its time to watch out for yourself and your kids well being.

    Now the comment about guys in speedos is highly strange. Now unless you are watching a Mr. Universe contest guys don't typically comment on other guys bodies in general. That's basically limited to body building contests.
    junsmai's Avatar
    junsmai Posts: 25, Reputation: -1
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    #5

    Aug 22, 2007, 12:38 PM
    Very true. Thanks.. I gave up on the relationship when he likit himself to one AA metting and continued to drink.. thanks for the advice
    junsmai's Avatar
    junsmai Posts: 25, Reputation: -1
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    #6

    Aug 22, 2007, 12:39 PM
    [QUOTE=GlindaofOz]If you are unhappy then you are definitely doing the right thing.


    I believe this is so true thanks so much
    XenoSapien's Avatar
    XenoSapien Posts: 627, Reputation: 42
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    #7

    Aug 22, 2007, 03:06 PM
    Ask him one more time if he is gay or thoughts of gay sex; don't scold him; let him know however, that you will remain firm on him moving out if you don't feel his answer is truthful. Ask why sex is not initiated or desired by him.

    XenoSapien
    Xrayman's Avatar
    Xrayman Posts: 1,177, Reputation: 193
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    #8

    Aug 22, 2007, 06:35 PM
    Mmm I am going to go against the grain here, supporting your man by helping him and encouraging him to go to AA may be another way of dealing with the problem. Maybe he may have improved if there was a little more help coming his way.

    While I understand your frustration, I just get a little difference of opinion to others. Just abandoning someone may not always be the best option.

    Acting in a gay way towards men may be a symptom of his childhood abuse as well as his alcohol abuse.
    junsmai's Avatar
    junsmai Posts: 25, Reputation: -1
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    #9

    Aug 23, 2007, 06:43 AM
    Thanks for the comment but I have been by his side, I schedualed meetings for him, and he only assited once.I also stopped drinking on occasions as I used to . He doesn't accept he has a problem.
    Xrayman's Avatar
    Xrayman Posts: 1,177, Reputation: 193
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    #10

    Aug 23, 2007, 04:31 PM
    Okay, if HE doesn't acept he has a problem perhaps you could issue an ultimatum (I believe the drink is doing the decision making for him at the moment) either go to AA all the time or lose your family/wife. It would work for me!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #11

    Aug 23, 2007, 04:52 PM
    Does he have a problem with alcohol or does he have to quit because you did, and why did you quit? Just curious as to the dynamics of this failed relationship. Did you suspect him of being gay when you met him? Its obvious you've changed, and I think the conflict is, he will not. How old are you both?
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #12

    Aug 23, 2007, 06:49 PM
    Dump his gay A--. (Just kidding... )

    I agree with Tal, this seems odd to be addressing now.. BUT for whatever reason you waited, it sounds like you've been abandoned. And he will not change. It will be tough on the kids, but I think his demons are going to be a lifetime battle - he should seek a therapists help... now that you are splitting, it may be harder to ask for that though
    Diandra__Magdalene's Avatar
    Diandra__Magdalene Posts: 8, Reputation: 0
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    #13

    Mar 6, 2008, 03:18 AM
    You don't love him.
    And your obviously not happy with him so yes your doing the right thing.
    But maybe he's too scared to realise he's gay..
    If he is gay.
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