[needachange]

Hey all I was just looking for different advice chats and found this website and I have a few issue I can use some advice on. I have been dating my girfriend now for almost 3 years. We fight like any other couple nothing to serious. Problem is that I pretty much build a life around her wondering what she's doing before I make plans making work schedule around her and so on. Now I no this isn't to good because its like I am being controlled by someone and I'm not its my own self that controls me. Its my way of thinking. Every time we have a fight and she says I'm tired of this and that I automatically get offensive and think she just wanted to break up with me. My main question is how to get out of the situation of her being my life so I don't rely on her for everything. I put too much pressure on her. And I no if we do actually break up it would be devastating on me. IM not needy I'm very indipedent but in this relationship it's the exact opposite I need advice

Thanks

[Homegirl 50]

How old are you?
Are you with her because you are so needy are do you really care about her? I would suggest you start dong things by yourself or with some of your friends without her so that you can realize that you can function without her. Couples need a break from each other sometimes.
Sounds like maybe you need to talk with someone to help you discover why you are so needy and insecure.

[xCrookedWingsx]

Just stop plannig everything around her.

[Dennis777]

Hello.

As a couple you need to think about each other as you plan special events, if not how can it work. You can't plan a trip and find out she has to work that day. BUT you also need to have your own life that gives you your own space just like she needs to have. Too much of a good thing can break down that good thing real quick.

You can agree that you plan one outing and she plans the next. Do it in advance so the days you have free that you don't have plans with each other do something for yourself. Maybe go out with the guys or do something just for you.

Just don't do something like get drunk and play around on her. That's not what your own time is for.

Dennis777

[talaniman]

Set aside some you time and let her have her own space as well.

[needachange]

You thanks all . To asnwer some questions I'm 25 yrs old. And I kind of agree that I am needy and insecure but the question is how to I help myself I always turn to people for advice and help id rather do anyting with someone then alone I want to help myself in this what can I do?? Has anyone been through this and goton over it?? Any books?? Movies?? I don't know you tell me... I need to find myself.

[talaniman]

I suspect your in this relationship from fear rather than attraction, and hope you see that changes have to be made, for one identify your likes, and dislikes, and find what makes you happy without her being involved. You really need to overcome that fear of being alone, and the best way is to plan some alone time, doing what you like to do.

[Homegirl 50]

I agree with talaniman, you need to think about things you enjoy doing and start doing them alone. Do you have male friends? Perhaps you can do things withj your male friends. But I think you need to start doing things apart from her. She has become a crutch rather than a companion. That is not fair to her and not good for you.