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Biggie · Aug 20, 2007, 01:42 PM

I'm a 26 year old male, no children, and single. First off, I'm not sure right now if I want to be with anyone. If that changes, I would like to find a woman who doesn't want children either. I have nothing against children, I just don't see myself as a parent. I've thought about sterilizing myself so I wouldn't have to worry about children. Any thoughts?

alkalineangel · Aug 20, 2007, 01:45 PM

It's your right, if that is truly how you feel.. Just make sure you are open about it if and when you do enter a relationship. A woman may originally think children aren't in her immediate future, but she may not understand you mean "never ever" unless you are completely open...

GlindaofOz · Aug 20, 2007, 01:48 PM

There are plenty of people out there who never have children its everyone personal right to have no children or a million.

Like Alkalineangel said you have to be absolutely upfront with any woman you date. I would also not sterilize yourself you never know you may change your mind.

Bluerose · Aug 20, 2007, 01:55 PM

I wouldn't have thought a doctor would agree to this, you only being 26. You cannot know what the future holds. You might fall in love with someone special and change your mind. I don't think this is something you should rush into. I think waiting 5 years before making a final decision on this would be a good idea.

alkalineangel · Aug 20, 2007, 01:59 PM

A doctor can not refuse him, he is legally an adult.

kp2171 · Aug 20, 2007, 02:01 PM

I dated a woman who felt exactly that way and to my knowledge she is married, happily, and without kids.

The only issue is, as mentioned, honesty and the perception of "honesty". People can change their minds... I didn't want kids a dozen years ago. Now I'm a father and happy about it, even though it wasn't planned. A woman who says no problem now may not feel that way later... it's a natural thing for your body and mind to change course from time to time.

So... I guess you just need to be absolutely clear and upfront about this, and accept that it'll limit your dating pool some... I think you should seriously talk to a doctor about your options. Talking is just about getting information, and its always an important first step when dealing with med issues.

Bluerose · Aug 20, 2007, 02:05 PM

"A doctor can not refuse him, he is legally an adult."

I expect if he is going to pay for it they would do it.
I don't think they would do it in UK, might think he's too young.

CaptainRich · Aug 20, 2007, 02:05 PM

Personally, I think you're too young at this point to say "never". You're not the first person to think you can't see yourself as a parent. You may not have a clear idea who you'll be in the future.

But I can understand wanting to be in ultimate control.

Some may think it's bizarre, but consider utilizing a sperm bank before you get yourself "fixed". And there are other options, too.

That way, when your older and more mature, and maybe changed your mind, the potential for having your own children can be a possibility.

What would it be like to meet a like minded person, fall in love, then in a couple years, five or ten years... one or the other of you changes their minds :eek: and decides maybe I am worthy of nurturing and I do have something to share... something to offer. What then?

Looking down and seeing your own child's face, hugging your leg, looking up at you and saying, "I love you, Daddy!" is too precious to miss...

Think it over...

JoeCanada76 · Aug 20, 2007, 02:26 PM

A doctor can discourage this kind of decision especially if he thinks it is not in the best interest of this young person.

I guess, it all depends on where you live and the laws of the land are different depending on where you are.

My opinion is that your way to young to decide whether you want to have children or not. That saying a permanent fix is the solution in my opinion is not a good judgement call especially as Bluerose has stated that it would be best to give it another 5 years.

Another thing to is that being fixed does not work a 100 percent of the time and if you get the procedure done and down the road you change your mind and want to reverse the procedure there is not a guarantee you will be able to father children.

Joe

MRSD · Aug 20, 2007, 03:05 PM

Originally Posted by Biggie

I'm a 26 year old male, no children, and single. First off, I'm not sure right now if I want to be with anyone. If that changes, I would like to find a woman who doesn't want children either. I have nothing against children, I just don't see myself as a parent. I've thought about sterilizing myself so I wouldn't have to worry about children. Any thoughts?

You are very young to be thinking of such a drastic action to prevent you from having children. You may not want to be a parent right now but you may have a change of heart in the future, also you would find it very difficult for any doctor to sterilise you at such a young age.

shygrneyzs · Aug 20, 2007, 03:11 PM

I have a male friend who never wanted children and got married and his wife said she could not have children. Bingo, there comes two children. After the second child was born he went in and had a vasectomy and he was only 25 at the time. Says he does not regret it and he is now 60. While he loves his children he said if he had known the truth, things would have been different.

So while you can be honest, just make sure your partner is being honest. Just to be sure, use all the precautions. While I would not rush out to be sterilized, I would keep options open. Maybe be with this woman a few years before deciding once and for all about not having children.

nicespringgirl · Aug 20, 2007, 06:06 PM

U need to find out what your significant other think about this in the future. You are not the one who can decide it on your own, And if the woman you will meet and spend the rest of your life with says "NO", what you going to do? Break up with her?

Bluerose · Aug 21, 2007, 06:03 AM

nicespringgirl,

That is a very good point.
Would have rated you but had to spread it.

Biggie,

Sorry if you are feeling like you are being pressured here to have kids. We just think it is a good idea to wait. You are obligated to tell every woman you meet that you don't want to have children. Are you ready for that? Then what if you meet a woman who already has children? This really needs a lot of thought. But when it comes right down to it, you must do what is best for you.

s_cianci · Aug 21, 2007, 04:31 PM

It's all a matter of personal preference. If you really feel that way then getting a vastectomy may be the thing to do.

LearningAsIGo · Aug 22, 2007, 07:00 AM

I think its brave to make a decision like this. Many people just have kids because of pressure put on them by family, etc. If that's the way you feel, then good for you. No one should bring a child into the world they might not want. In finding a future partner, be as upfront as possible. (I know someone who entered a marriage not wanting kids but changed her mind and now her husband may leave her if she gets pregnant)

I would wait on a possible surgery though. It may be hard to imagine now, but you could change your mind in a few years and that type of surgery is hard to reverse.

Bluerose · Aug 27, 2007, 09:23 AM

Biggie,

God luck with whatever you decide. Have a wonderful life.