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11sibra · Aug 20, 2007, 08:14 AM

:( I marriage just 3 months ago. We didn't have any sex in our honey moon, he drove 3 hours after the ceremony and said that he was tired. I am 46 years old, he is 50. I was divorced before with 3 kids, he was single and lived alone for 20 years. We met each other 4 years ago. A week after our marriage my middle son died. I feel devastated and sad because with all pain in my heart for my son's death I don't have his shoulder to cry on it. He is rude to me. We had sex 3 or 4 times since we married. He has no erection. He kisses me just on my lips. He doesn't touch me and he doesn't let me touch him. I don't know what to do. He is so sisi, delicate hands, sometimes I cut the grass and he look at recipe books. What can I do to save my marriage?

LearningAsIGo · Aug 20, 2007, 08:33 AM

First, let me say I am terribly sorry to hear of your loss. That must have been devastating, I can't imagine the pain you're feeling. {{HUGS}}

As for your husband, have you talked to him about your son's death? Has he allowed you any time to grieve? I suspect that he's so used to living alone he doesn't get how cold he's being. He probably has no idea how to behave in a marriage, or perhaps he feels like he doesn't know how to help you right now so he's pulling back. That aside, he's your husband and you've been through a terrible loss.. he must support you.

Try talking to him again. Tell him you really need his support right now but you don't feel like you're getting it. Depending on his response, you may have to consider a marriage counselor (you could go alone if you have too), but first a grief counselor to help deal with the loss of your son.
You'll also have to help him understand that you need more affection from him to be happy. A compromise may need to happen since it doesn't sound like he's that type, but you should get what you need, he can't be so selfish as to withhold it entirely.

As for sex, he may have a physical problem that he hasn't shared with you. I wouldn't take that personally, but rather he may not realize that 50 is NOT old and he should embrace a more sexually active life with his wife. He may be embarrassed that something could be wrong physically, so he's staying distant.

I hope some of this might have helped. Good luck to you!

michaelbunky · Aug 20, 2007, 05:42 PM

Originally Posted by 11sibra

:( I marriage just 3 months ago. We didn't have any sex in our honey moon, he drove 3 hours after the ceremony and said that he was tired. I am 46 years old, he is 50. I was divorced before with 3 kids, he was single and lived alone for 20 years. We met each other 4 years ago. A week after our marriage my middle son died. I feel devastated and sad because with all pain in my heart for my son's death I don't have his shoulder to cry on it. He is rude to me. We had sex 3 or 4 times since we married. He has no erection. He kisses me just on my lips. He doesn't touch me and he doesn't let me touch him. I don't know what to do. He is so sisi, delicate hands, sometimes I cut the grass and he look at recipe books. What can I do to save my marriage?

I don't think he's your awnser to your emptiness of love.you must find a friend to confide
In,you deserve a better way of life.where's the comfort of compassion?YOU CAN DO MUCH BETTER.ask him if he wants out.I now there's a lot to consider,but sometimes it's better to
Stop watering a dying plant.you need your life back,and a new flower to care for.
Good luck.

Treeny · Aug 20, 2007, 08:28 PM

SO sorry for your loss. Was your husband like this before you married?
You should go to counceling if he won't go go alone. You should go you are dealing with too much on your own. This is a time when you need him most to comfort you,
If he can't maybe he has issues of his own but you need to help yourself first.
Best of luck I feel for you.