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BattleAngel14745 · Aug 23, 2005, 10:00 AM

I wondering if I can do anything about my selfish husband? His number one top priority in his life is his car. His health, family, friends and me come after his car. I take care of all of our responsibilities. He's always working on his car, watching his 20 car shows and on the internet reading about cars. BTW he got his auto mechanic's degree and he's been a full-time auto mechanic for six years and he's only 22. It's him and his car and me in the back ground. I've told him time and time again and again over and over how this obecssion effects me and our relationship. But it never seems to bother him. I'm hoping this is a phase and he will out grow it. Is there anything I can do in the mean time?

A.J.R · Aug 23, 2005, 11:10 AM

I had a friend like that. She ended moving from San Fernando up here where I currently live. She has a beautiful daughter that was being pushed away by the fact that he was always too interested in cars. When I met her they were split up. Now I know she has moved back to San Fernando and is trying to relive her life next to him. He realized he missed them both when he had no one to talk to about the experiences he had at car shows and the work he did on his cars. So, either you hang in there or give up on him. But actually I would advice you hang in there, because at least your not dealing with a drunk or drug addict. He's just simply addicted to cars which I don't think is all that bad. I know we all need attention sometimes, but be glad that when he's not into his cars he's into you. I best wishes to you and I hope I helped somewhat, if not at least I tried. Good Luck! :)

NeedKarma · Aug 23, 2005, 11:16 AM

Would'nt you rather be with someone who likes you better than their car, someone who shares your interests?

A.J.R · Aug 23, 2005, 12:31 PM

I would rather be with someone who shares my same interest, but if I really loved him I would make an attempt to share his same interest too. I am not all that interested in some of the music my husband listen to, but I make an effort to try, just to make him happy and just to see the respond he gives me makes me forget all about the fact that I don't even like the music he's listening to. Would it be too hard to even try to attempt to take interest in some of the cars he's into. Maybe if you just tried it once, read up on some of the cars he's into and talk to him about it and you will like the reaction he will give you that you won't even remember that you actually went through all the trouble to read on something that you don't even like just to make him happy with you for a while. I know you probably want his attention 24/7 since he's always into cars, but ask yourself, do you really want to be smothered by him? Or, sorry if I sound too rude, do you like to be the center of attention? I like being with my husband, but to be honest there are days when I feel he is just crowding and smothering me too much and all I want is some "me" time. The fact is either you love him or you don't. You really can use his car obsession as an excuse, because you probably met him that way already and you really should change a person if that's the way he was when you two were introduced. Don't know if NeedKarma was directing the ? To you or me, but just had to add a little with the comment that was made. Isn't it why this site is for, to receive and give opinions on all ?'s asked. Hope I haven't hurt your feelings in any way, just giving some of my insight on the original post. Once again, Good Luck! :)

ngozi · Aug 23, 2005, 04:15 PM

Hey there

Here are few questions for you to ponder about your relationship with your husband.

How much time does he spend on car related activity? Is it 2 hours a day... 4 hours... 10 hours... Does he spend ANY time with you? What is the nature/quality of the time he spends with you? When you talk do you still feel an emotional connection to him? Do you feel he has ANY emotional connection to you at this time or is he COMPLETELY focus on cars to the exclusion of everything else?

One possibility is that his focus on cars is merely a symptom of a larger problem in the relationship. He is unable to talk about his feelings (boredom? Anger? Anxiety? Depression? Worry?) and it is easier for him to ignore the problem and avoid the issue.

Are you able to communicate with him about your feelings? Can the two of you sit down and talk and discuss this?

You indicate that you take care of "all our responsibilities". What exactly does that mean? What things ought he be doing with his time while he is looking at cars?

If you feel the situation is serious, I suggest you ask him to go with you to see a counsellor. If he says NO, feel free to tell him that you will see a counsellor on your own to discuss this matter.

Let me know your thoughts...

NeedKarma · Aug 23, 2005, 05:07 PM

Originally Posted by A.J.R

Don't know if NeedKarma was directing the ? to you or me, but just had to add a little with the comment that was made.

No, it was for the original poster. No harm done. :)

fredg · Aug 25, 2005, 05:42 AM

Hi,
Have you considered asking him to join you in going to a Marriage Counselor?
You both really need to talk with someone, together.
If this continues, your marriage could possibly be in trouble.
If it is to the extreme with the cars as you say, then you trying to be involved with that might not be a good idea (sharing his interest) because who then will keep meeting your responsibilities?
He has to "grow up", before your marriage suffers to the point of ending it.
In the meantime, it's up to you as to how long you will continue tolerating him; maybe it's time for a legal separation; it might "wake him up".
Best of luck,
fredg