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marcus83 · Aug 16, 2007, 10:08 AM

We broke up 6 months ago, she was my first love, if I try the no contact for three weeks, she calls me, wanting to be just "friends" and talk about "friendly things"... we were together for 8 months long distance. I want her back, It literally makes me sick to think about her with new guys still. She was my first love, & I want to fix things, yet all she keeps saying is that were incompatible... AHHHHHHHHHH! What do I do, she's really smart, in med school, We used to talk about anything and everything, now I struggle just to get her to answer the phone and then when I don't call for three weeks, SHE CALLS ME! What do I do? I want her back

GlindaofOz · Aug 16, 2007, 10:10 AM

Stop talking to her. You want to get over her and she wants you to be her friend. It doesn't work. You either keep her in your life while she sees you as only a friend and nothing else while you puppy dog after her OR you man up and tell her either she takes all of you or gets none and start no contact so you can heal.

You only want to keep the friendship because you think she will "come to her senses" and want you back. She will not. So you need to decide to kick her out of yours. Today is your first day to start. No contact. That means no email, no text, no I'm no phone calls (regardless of who calls whom).

SAB123 · Aug 16, 2007, 10:24 AM

I agree with Glinda, you can be her friend and live on false hope of her coming back and never heal or you can leave her alone and heal. And the only to heal is to do NC.This is why 6 months later your still wanting her back. I'm 6 months into my breakup, Although I still have bad days and miss her I will never take her back. Once you can say that you are well on your way in the healing process. DO NOT CONTACT HER NO MORE! And when she contacts you ignore her.

marcus83 · Aug 16, 2007, 10:59 AM

But what I don't think you understand, I love this girl, I want to marry her... there has to be another alternative..

GlindaofOz · Aug 16, 2007, 11:05 AM

But she doesn't love you and she doesn't want to marry you. Not to be cruel but that's the information you have provided us with.

If you keep talking to her you are going to fall into false hope that she will want to be back with you and she clearly does not. If after 6 months she has not come back she will never come back, I'm sorry that's just the way it is.

What you need to do is move on and heal. Its hard we all know. Everyone has been there. Believe me. My last serious boyfriend told me he wanted to marry me and wanted to break up with me in the same breath. Life can suck and love can hurt. But the worse thing you can do for yourself is wallow and hope and dream that she will come back. I know I was there. I held out hope for way too long and I tried to stay friends with him in hopes that he would "come to his senses". Then the day came when he told me he had asked the girl he was dating to be his girlfriend and boy was he in love and happy. I felt like someone had ripped out my heart. That night after I hung up the phone I decided that I was holding myself back. Here he was out there in love again and I was at home crying waiting for him to comeback. I stopped all contact and moved on.

marcus83 · Aug 16, 2007, 11:17 AM

Glinda, thank you for the honesty... I guess Im holding onto nothing. But she does give me hope... she says things like I have "growing" to do, we can't be together the way I am now.

When I tell her Im done entirely and will never call her again. She says things like, if that's what you want I will respect that... "tell your family I love them...even if they hate me"

She says that she forgives me for breaking up with her,. but will never forget how bad it hurt... and says I should live my life the same... forgive but never forget... meanwhile she plays with the 1800 teacup puppy I bought her everyday...

It's a cruel game she's playing... I have to stop letting her play it.

marcus83 · Aug 16, 2007, 11:19 AM

* $1800

GlindaofOz · Aug 16, 2007, 11:22 AM

Truthfully it sounds as if she is emotionally blackmailing you. She knows what your buttons are and she is pushing them as hard as she can as often as she can. She wants you around you because she honestly wants a friendship but what's fair to her is not fair to you.

As I said the mind set you have to have after a break up is the person either takes all of you or gets none of you. Going no contact will be hard. I'm not going to lie its not easy. But its worth it. You'll be amazed where you will be in 60 days. Everyone on this board has been there and we all want to see people move on and be healthy and happy. We are always here for you. So when you backslide or have a rough day everyone is here to help pick you up brush you off and keep you on the right path.

marcus83 · Aug 16, 2007, 11:27 AM

Why does she say things like tell your family I love them, if she loved them so much she could work on us... Do you think its all a big game to her? If it is, she's sick! Im so miserable I almost lost my job and am really htinking about going to see a shrink! A SHRINK! And she says I did this to myself, "I dont care about how much pain your in" the same girl who told me "I love you" for 8 months & wanted to have kids... now doesn't care about my agony?? I don't care if she wants to be a doctor or not... she's not a good person... why do I still want to be with her? Its weird!!

marcus83 · Aug 16, 2007, 11:37 AM

To be honest,. she has always been a little quircky... I never could totally understand her... a perfect example is... shes in med school, she can sing and she's beautiful... And wants to try out for American Idol this weekend... I was like.. youre in MED SCHOOL remember... whats the point of trying out & waiting in line for 8 hours when your can't just drop school and go to hollywood? Am I weird for thinking she's a little out there? It was like that a lot with her... thats one of the reasons I broke it off, logically the breakup makes sense, she's the smartest idiot I've ever met... but how I feel about her won't let me let go...

SAB123 · Aug 16, 2007, 11:39 AM

Marc, For what my ex did to me and the stuff she used say hurts still, and I even wanted her back 4.5 months into breakup. Then the dust settled I still think of her but it's not as bad. It's when I decided to let go for good and except that she's not coming back is when I started to feel better. I still have bad days but their getting better. If seeing a shrink will help I suggest you go head and do that. But as Glinda said she's not coming back.