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neospice · Aug 19, 2005, 11:04 AM

My ex and I are on a break, or we're just broken up I guess you could say. Its supposed to be so we can see if we can stop fighting and be together again after some time. Anyway, this started about a month ago and since then I've met a couple girls that I haven't done much with (kissed one) but I guess you could say I am dating one and talking to another. I still love my ex girlfriend and would love for us to work things out and be together, however I'm totally willing to accept it if it is truly over... but she hasn't told me that yet. We're on no contact right now, but I think she'll try and contact me as she usually does once in a while. If she does, should I let her know about these girls that I met or just hide it? And if I let her know about them, should I bring it up on my own or let her ask me about it (if she even asks) and tell her that I'm just dating them. I want her to miss me but at the same time I don't want her to think that there's no chance for us if I'm dating...

Wildcat21 · Aug 19, 2005, 11:47 AM

WAIT for her to contact you - AND yes KEEP dating!! So important. Be busy, change your life, workout, go out with friends all the time...

" at the same time I don't want her to think that theres no chance for us if im dating.." - that's the last thing you should worry about.

PLEASE read this topic here NOW!! :

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Sphyncx

neospice · Aug 19, 2005, 12:36 PM

Yeah I know about the whole keeping busy stuff and moving on with your life, but what I'm not sure about is whether I should let her KNOW that I'm dating these girls... should I mention it only if she brings it up or should I bring it up on my own? Reason I ask is because when we broke up she mentioned that she doesn't want anyone else and she doesn't want to be with anyone right now, that she wants time to fix herself and see if we can stop fighting. She says the last thing she wants is to jump in another relationship. So I don't want to look like the bad guy by starting to date other girls...

Wildcat21 · Aug 19, 2005, 01:18 PM

She should find out - BUT NOT FROM YOU!! That's approval seeking and she would see that as a ploy - never works. Maybe one of your friends tells - OR she calls you and wants to get together on a Friday night and THEN you can say I can't I am going on a date. Or I am out the door right now, going on a date.

It sounds weird, but a lot of this stuff just won't make sense until after the fact.

"she mentioned that she doesn't want anyone else and she doesn't want to be with anyone right now" - I've had that line before - unfortunately, there probably was another guy. Sorry for the tough love - but woman are SO concerned about NOT hurting your feelings.

"Fix here self" - that's a good one, as she goes on a date the next night.

Go out with other woman - when you think of her, throw it away and think of something FUN - sports, hobbies, drinking, working out etc.

A.J.R · Aug 19, 2005, 01:43 PM

I think Wildcat21 has pretty much summed it up for you. Don't let her know your dating other people, even if she does ask. Besides, you think she really needs time to recollect herself, please. When most women state they need "time" it is most likely they have already interested themselves in someone else. So move on and have the time of your life with these new girls you have met. Why let the party go sour because of your ex. If these girls are willing to give you the attention that your ex didn't, why refuse it. ;)

Wildcat21 · Aug 19, 2005, 02:17 PM

"state they need "time" it is most likely they have already interested themselves in someone else" I agree 100% - 90% of the time she is interested in another guy. Most woman go from guy to guy - they will stay with until someone else 'better' comes along - especially if you screw things up like being needy and clingy, smothering, too 'nice', give away ALL your power etc.

SOMETIMES - "I need space" means this as well. Butsoemtimes space means YOU'RE smothering them - back off and they will lcome back to you.

neospice · Aug 19, 2005, 02:31 PM

Ok I understand what I need to do... though I really don't think the reason was because it was another guy. She was in all long relationships, (2yr,2yr,3yr and 1yr wit me). Add to that, I was the one who initiated the break in July since she just wasn't being as nice as she used to be with me. Couple weeks after I initiated it, and we still saw each other she didn't want to go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend even though I wanted to work things out with her. She works a very busy schedule at work (with girls) and even if I asked her if she wants to date others, she said if I wanted that I would tell you and trust me I would tell you and that she wouldn't put herself through this if she didn't want to be with me.

kingping · Aug 19, 2005, 03:21 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

"state they need "time" it is most likely they have already interested themselves in someone else" I agree 100% - 90% of the time she is interested in another guy. Most woman go from guy to guy - they will stay with until someone else 'better' comes along - especially if you screw things up like being needy and clingy, smothering, too 'nice', give away ALL your power etc.

SOMETIMES - "I need space" means this as well. Butsoemtimes space means YOU'RE smothering them - back off and they wil lcome back to you.

Exactly - great info

fredg · Aug 20, 2005, 04:48 AM

Hi,
Continue dating, meeting new people. It's a very health way to go.
Don't contact your ex, let that person decide what to do.
If they do contact you, be truthful, and don't hold back anything, and be honest.
If it's meant to be, it will work out. If not, then you are making new friends.
Best of luck,
fredg

Wildcat21 · Aug 20, 2005, 09:11 AM

"I was the one who initiated the break in July since
she just wasn't being as nice as she used to be with me. "

Another tell tale sign she is seeing someone else.

kingping · Aug 20, 2005, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

"I was the one who initiated the break in July since
she just wasn't being as nice as she used to be with me. "

Another tell tale sign she is seeing someone else.

Or maybe he turned into a wuss? I remember when I turned into a wuss my ex stopped asking me if I missed her all the time, stopped being as affecionate, etc, etc.

When we use to fight I would always win, and she would always end the conversation "I never want to talk to you again" and hang up. I would say "okay". Then she would call back 2 minutes later.

Wildcat21 · Aug 20, 2005, 09:29 AM

Woman are repulsed by soft men.

That's great on the fights. Just say - "Ok, bye"

neospice · Aug 20, 2005, 04:30 PM

Yeah man... I did turn into a wuss and only near the end did I realize it. The first half of the relationship, where she treated me awesome, I cared about her but in the same sense I didn't care what she did. I knew she loved me and pretty much nothing I did would make her different. The 2nd half of the relationship was where I actually showed that I needed her at times and got jealous certain times and questioned her about things like why she was acting differently... That's when she stopped being as affectionate and caring. Its like the roles were reversed! I am pretty sure if I just chilled out and was the way I initially was I wouldn't be posting here now :)

The funny thing is, she's the one who always wanted me to show that I cared or reply to her emails or get her cards, things that she always did and I never, but when I actually did do those things, I guess it just screwed me over! Lol... Live and learn!

kingping · Aug 20, 2005, 05:56 PM

Originally Posted by neospice

Yeah man... I did turn into a wuss and only near the end did I realize it. The first half of the relationship, where she treated me awesome, I cared about her but in the same sense i didn't care what she did. I knew she loved me and pretty much nothing I did would make her different. The 2nd half of the relationship was where I actually showed that I needed her at times and got jealous certain times and questioned her about things like why she was acting differently... Thats when she stopped being as affectionate and caring. Its like the roles were reversed! I am pretty sure if I just chilled out and was the way I initially was I wouldn't be posting here now :)

The funny thing is, she's the one who always wanted me to show that I cared or reply to her emails or get her cards, things that she always did and I never, but when I actually did do those things, I guess it just screwed me over! lol... Live and learn!

Exactly man, same lesson I learned

neospice · Aug 20, 2005, 07:40 PM

Lol... so I'm on this dating site and so is my ex girlfriend. My status has been single since we broke up, but just recently I changed it to 'Dating'. Anyway, the next day my girlfriend text messages me asking why I changed my status to dating (I guess that means she must be checking it often). I didn't reply. She texts me again asking me to tell her what's going on so she 'doesn't stress herself trying to be a better person' for me... I didn't reply again. I get phone call from a private # and I just assumed it was her trying to see if I wasn't replying to her but still had my phone with me. I didn't answer. I got a 2nd private call AGAIN about 10 minutes later.

How should I play this? Should I continue not answering/replying? I find it funny that a girl who has been a complete lately and yet turns down my attempts to fix the relationship is now all of a sudden concerned if I start dating someone.

Now I do love this girl still, and I would love to be with her but ONLY IF she can be the same person that she USED to be, when we were good and I suppose when I wasn't being wussy :P

Wildcat21 · Aug 21, 2005, 01:47 PM

Perfect! You did not respond! - you are a busy guy!! I am sure you used to answer the phone immediately or call back or text back immediately. Seriously - call her in like 4 or 5 days.

Jealousy is a big way to change her heart.

Being needy and clingy is horrendous for a relationship. Woman are repulsed by it! She cahnged because you changed - stop being insecure and do others in your life. IF you play it right she will come back.

Be a man about this - you NEED the attitude right now that you don't care.

Cards and gifts and compliments should be RATIONED! Fewer e-mails and text. Don't call all the time and keep the calls SHORT.

Wildcat21 · Aug 21, 2005, 01:54 PM

A lot of those requests and questions from woman ARE TESTS!! She wants to see if you a wuss. Woman DOn't FEEL safe with Wussies.

kingping · Aug 21, 2005, 02:13 PM

Originally Posted by neospice

Lol... so I'm on this dating site and so is my ex gf. My status has been single since we broke up, but just recently I changed it to 'Dating'. Anyways, the next day my gf text messages me asking why I changed my status to dating (I guess that means she must be checking it often). I didn't reply. She texts me again asking me to tell her whats goin on so she 'doesn't stress herself trying to be a better person' for me... I didn't reply again. I get phone call from a private # and i just assumed it was her trying to see if I wasn't replying to her but still had my phone with me. I didn't answer. I got a 2nd private call AGAIN about 10 mins later.

How should I play this? Should i continue not answering/replying? I find it funny that a girl who has been a complete lately and yet turns down my attempts to fix the relationship is now all of a sudden concerned if i start dating someone.

Now I do love this girl still, and I would love to be with her but ONLY IF she can be the same person that she USED to be, when we were good and I suppose when i wasn't bein wussy :P

Similar to me, I know how to play it now. Don't reply and keep her guessing. It will eat at her

kingping · Aug 21, 2005, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by kingping

Similar to me, I know how to play it now. Don't reply and keep her guessing. It will eat at her

By the way I noticed my ex who dumped me drive by my house twice this week. Who know's how many times I didn't notice. If she emails or calls I will just ignore it.

kingping · Aug 21, 2005, 02:21 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

A lot of those requests and questions from woman ARE TESTS!!!! She wants to see if you a wuss. Woman DOn't FEEL safe with Wussies.

I was passing tests left and right at first and got a lot of nookie, then when I turned wussy I barely got any. I would say the things that appeared she didn't want to hear. She would get mad at first but then always cave. Good lesson learned.