[Mark79]

HI, My name is Mark and I'm 27 years old. At the moment I am working and my girlfriend is 21 turning 22 in a month. I met her when she was 18 1/2 and we have been together 3 1/2 years. When we first met we both kind of played hard to get and adventually I got with her. After a bit I asked her to be my girlfriend she said no, if I was looking for a wife then I've got the wrong person, I was like well I'm not so this is cool we were intimate so of course I wasn't arguing she was hot as. This continued for a few months and I suppose adventuall we were just boyfriend and girlfriend. Time went onj and we had such a good reltionship I work ed afternoon shift at my job which meant I could only really see her at night which suited me I would turn up at her house and have passionate sex and we were also close so everything was going great. Anyway she lived with a couple of house mates and although she was very hot she did not have a lot of girlfriends and I think she relies on me a lot as her family lives distant as she is here for university and is now into her final fith year. Anyway after dating for roughly 18 months she surprise me one day, she often in holidays went home to her parents for a week or so and this was probably and has been grewat for us cause did make her miss me and gave uus some space. Anyway she returned one day after few days up there and said my mum asked when we are getting married? I said what did you tell her and she replied " I dont want to hurt you but i just dont think your the one i want to marry" I was shocked by thhis and couldn't believe it tried not to over react. Spoke to her later about it and she said well I haven't made up my mind what I want with you. Thinking she was only 20 I thought and said well you wouldn't know yet and we continued on. # months later uni holidays were on us and she had to go away to do some vacation work and just before she left she said to me your not going to dump me are you, I was quite surprissed and thought why would she say that not long ago she was saying I'm not the one she wanted to marry and now she says this, its like she wasn't sure what she wanted but wanted to keep me in case she found I was the one. So my story goes on she goes away and well idecided to not be totally available for her and thought with my absence she may grow to love me more, as her problem seems to be she is confused in love and when she misses me she really loves me a lot which I'm not sure if this is how it should me but that is her interpretation and the way she feels it should be. Anyway amazingly she went away and ontacted me very regurlarly and the after a while she said to me in a message I love You and her feelings ahd changed and she loved me heaps. She then returned and was very close to me yet at the same time she is a very reserved person and never really said how she felt which wasn't great but says she shows it instead. Time went on and she even started to ask where I would send my kids to school and was talking about having a long engagement and so fourth. Then 5 months went on we had now been dating for over 3 years and she drops bombshell telling me she needs a break and is not feeling that she loves me emotionally anymore. I felt that since I was more available to her as I had a new day job we spent more night together and she was to used to me. So after a 2 week break we wwere back on together and 1 mointh later she and its now been 2 1/2 months since then and 3 weeks ago she said to me I feel so much good about you now and everything seemed gret but sometimes she seem a bit funny like she is still thinking of the futrure. One of our close friends who is mutual said to me she sais to her that Mark is older and he needs to know what is going on and I am going to have to decide if I wantto marry him or not cause he needs to know so if I don't he can find someoine to be with. Anyway 4 weeks have gone by and I am writingthis from her computer as I have been at her house for the last three days, well we are away at her parents and I will be going home today she will be here for another few days Anyway I have bought her a ring to get engaged and have written her a letter which I've given to her brother and told him to give it to her tomorrow ehn I'm gone. She will need time to think as she always seems to need time and weighs everything up. I have been reading a lot onthis site and I realise my girlfriend is similar to some cases with guys who lose there girlfriens to a break when they are to nice. I notice if I am more distant from my girlfriend and busier she wants me more when she is unsure how I feel she wants me more. So by proposing it will show her I do want her and I am afraid it may make her start to believe she has me and go the other way. But I would like to know wher I stand so I have written a leter and I will put it here for others to let me know if I should give it to her. Ifeel I need to know at his stage in my life is this is what she wants yet I don't want to push it as I feel bad she is only 22 and that may be to young but I will be 28 soon and need to know where I stand but feel if I just ask she will say we are just seeing what happens. SHOULD I GIVE THE LETTER OR NOT , I WILL WAIT FOR ADVICE HERE IT IS...


To my Dearest.. Where do I start. We met 3 years ago and well at first maybe it was just going to be a fling but time has changed that. When I first met you I couldn't take my eyes off that awesome body of yours and I had to have it... We have spent some great times together going out with friends and having so much fun, sometimes I would wonder what brought us together. There's been times when I wondered exactly what you wanted and as time went on we've shared so many fantastic times. Ive watched you grow from the young girl I met into a beautiful lady. When you went away for your holidays I realised that we both had a lot of feelings for each other and I had the time of my life when I came to visit you and since yourve been back, I think we have shared many more great times. Over the years I've learnt so much about you and what you like and your one of the most amazing people I know. When we were at my mums for easter I have never seen you look at me that way before I felt for the first time you truly loved me although you find it so hard to show or say how you feel.

Over the last few months I've come to realise so many things and I now know its not just your body that I want to kiss all over and that sexy bum I want to hold in my hands, its you baby, its you that I'm in love with, you as a person, I want to make you happy and I want you to have a great life. Ive never felt this way about someone before.

I hope you understand the way I feel about you!! Its your decision to make and whatever you choose I understand as always you will need time...

Love... xoxoxoxox

Should I send it?? The present is a diamond ring...

[GlindaofOz]

It seems that you focus a lot on the fact that she is attractive and do not really focus on her. It sounds as if you only love her because she is beautiful. I would not send a letter to her like this I would be offended if I got a letter like this from my boyfriend.

If you're going to propose then say what you want to say when you do it.

[Mark79]

Well at first it was about the fact that she was very good looking and attractive but things have changed over time. I was just trying to be honest.

[GlindaofOz]

You also say "over the last few months" which would make it seem that your relationship was only about sex for nearly 3 years. I would focus on why you love her not why you want to have sex with her

[Ash123]

No card yet. She has asked for space. ALLOW IT.
Then make one smart move when it is time:
You CAN court a girl into dating you... and even marrying you, but persistence AFTER a break-up is tougher. SHow some patience and be sure she is even the one!

Please read these first:

BREAK UP GUIDE:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

NICE GUY GUIDE
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-118640.html

1-10 Relationship Generalities GUIDE
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-a-117549.html

[novascotiaqt]

Hello no! She is confused and the last thing either of you need is the pressure of marriage. If you want a future with wife and kids you need to find someone else. She obviously hasn't sewn her wild oats and would need to before she gets into any time of major relationship status. You deserve someone who knows how they feel with you and where you stand with them. Would you want to marry her and it not last because all of a sudden she isn't sure anymore? You owe it to yourself to wait or move on. Good luck

[Mark79]

Thanks I understand and the break she wanted was 2 months ago and we were off for two weeks and she was very upset and a few weeks later she said I am feeling so good about you now I like you so much. Then sent me a message saying LOVE YOU LOTS HUN...

About the sewing her oats she does not want to do this she has said to me befpore she would only well the next guy she sleeps with will be her husband. Not that she would know but she does not sleeop around and has only lept with one guy before me. Maybe I am rushing it. But she does change from time to time

[Mark79]

I must add we are still together and she mentioned to me when she wanted the break I do not want to have a five year relationship and then break up, after 3 1/2 years I should know what I want but don't know if a serious relationship is it. This is after she told me we were in a sereious relationship and 2 months before she wanted the break she was talking aboout having a long engagement. Yet we had a 2 week break and then after that she changed and was msging me and calling saying I hope you don't get bored of me and I just want to hear you before I go to bed. She has been saying this over the last 2 weeks and the relationship has been greqat so I thought it may be a good time to say it. Not sure though.

[Mark79]

Well I have been dating her since she was 19 and its been 3 years so many people say well maybe she's not ready but she was the one that said we could have a long engagenment and she did not want a long relationship which was going no where.
What happens if we break up then she meets a new guy and well sees him for 2 years and then she's 24 and says I'm ready to ghet married now where does that leave me she only finds one guy after me and stays with him well why wouldn't we have just stayed together how does that work its only one guy who was after me??

[Mark79]

Any help

[lmnotok]

I think you still send that letter, and then relax, see how she comprehends it.
I personally like that letter since I think you're very honest and beloved. So, just relax since you did your part, its time for her to do her part!

[GlindaofOz]

Well i have been dating her since she was 19 and its been 3 years so many people say well maybe shes not ready but she was the one that said we could have a long engagenment and she did not want a long relationship which was going no where.
What happens if we break up then she meets a new guy and well sees him for 2 years and then shes 24 and says im ready to ghet married now where does that leave me she only finds one guy after me and stays with him well why wouldnt we have just stayed together how does that work its only one guy who was after me???

Look, if its meant to happen it will. If she is the right girl for you then she accept your proposal. If she isn't then she will go on in her life and find someone else and so will you.
You have a lot of doubts are you sure that you really want to marry her or do you just want her to stay in your life and you think this is the only way to do so?

[Mark79]

No she is the one and I do want her. I ust dontknowhow ogoabout I she can be so up and down

[GlindaofOz]

Well just ask her. Either she will yes or she will say no. If she says yes then you know where this is going and if she says no then you know where you need to go. None of us can tell you what will happen. She is the one who holds the future for you right now. I would not propose in a letter I don't know any girl who would find that romantic. I think most girls think about their proposal and imagine it as something romantic with the guy spilling his heart out while looking into your eyes.

[s_cianci]

I don't think I would send it. I think you bought the ring prematurely. You're dealing with a young girl who's obviously unsure of herself. You need to make up your mind whether you're willing to see her causally, with the understanding that it could end at any time, while continuing to keep your options open, or if you want to seek out a relationship with a woman who's a little older and a little more sure of herself. You need to make up your own mind and, once you do, inform your girlfriend of your decision. But letters are out ; face-to-face is the only way to do it. And no way should you be spending $1000s on a diamond ring right now. And truly keep your options open ; don't just see this girl exclusively.

[talaniman]

Throw the letter away, and do it like a man face to face. Honestly I don't feel that she is as ready to settle down as you are, and you should be paying attention, as you drop a few hints, and discussing your futures, and where this relationship is headed.