[tmm13]

I have a very complicated divorce and of course I have no lawyer. I left my husband in the fall of 2001. I filed for divorce in January of 2002. We have three children and he has two more from a previous marriage. He was sent to Korea for 23 months. Both his lawyer and my lawyer said that I legally couldn't do anything until he returned from overseas. In the mean time he had a fiancé the whole time. I felt obligated to show my kids that I could not make a commitment, which in turn would get their hopes up that we would have a father figure in the household for them. My husband returned from Korea and I began to work with my lawyer again. Do not think that I did not push for my husband to divorce me while he was in Korea. I most certainly did. He refused to meet me half way on anything. We argued over lots of things. There was some abuse in the house before. The Army made him go through counseling for anger issues etc etc. The physical abuse didn't come from him, it came from his second born son. I was assured after they stated they had counseling etc that everything was OK and fine. To make a long story short. Going on information provided to me and being assured things were under control I needed to take care of a health issue and finish my education so I could actually get a decent paying job to provide for my kids. I didn't know what else to do so I sent my younger two children to live with him. My husband then told me I could only see them while he was there and I was not allowed to take them for weekends. He provided me with divorce papers that took away all of my rights. I refused to sign them. He also wouldn't let me call the children as often as I wanted to. When I did talk on the phone the children begged me to come and get them. I didn't feel like things were right. My children were not being treated very well at all to say the least. I went to my children's school to see them and it was cold outside. It had been in the high 30's that night and it was just barely becoming light outside and still very cold. My children had no coats on. My son had no underwear or socks or coat. They were both sick. I took them that day. I didn't bother to ask their father for permission.(there is no current custody order to prevent me from doing this) After that the things they were telling me shocked me to no end. My children were being threated, they were being spanked with a leather belt ( I do not spank my kids). They were being emotionally abused. The list is long. Now he has filed for divorce in a different state. I have to go there and I cannot leave this state. I can't afford to drive, or even take a bus, across country to go to court. I have never lived in this state and my children lived only 1.5 months in that state. I am being told if I do not show up I will default and he will gain custody of the children. I do not know what to do. Any suggestions? I can't afford a lawyer. I have no money. :confused:

[A.J.R]

Look up legal assistance in your local phone book. I know just about every state, depending which county you live in have a number to call for legal advice. Or sometimes the court house in your city/town have legal advice offices where you can explain to them your situation and they might be able to help. That's what I did when I wanted to divorce my ex, but he made it complicated too. It wasn't till I moved to another state and filed for it again that I was finally able to get the divorce. Keep your head and spirit up, pray to God everything will come to a great result. My best wishes and God Bless. :)

[tmm13]

I have already tried this. The State of UT won't help me because of two reasons. 1. it is for the state of TN and 2. abuse is no longer happening. They only help with divorce and custody issues involving abuse and then only physical and sexual abuse. I then tried the state of TN. I was refused for 1. not a resident of this state even though there is a case filed there and 2. they only take so many cases and they are currently full.

I still have a case in KY. I called my former lawyer today to verify that my case was dismissed... it is not. The state of TN has been informed of the case number county, city, and state where the case is open. Also have informed the lawyer of my husband. His exact response was "we will let the state of TN decide who has jurisdiction."

So, here I am with a court case on Thursday and no lawyer to represent me in a different state from where I life and from where I have originally filed. No one is willing to help me. And I currently do not know how to file a motion for dismissal or a motion to delay the court hearing until I can make it there. And even if I did have the knowledge of how to do that, I don't have the money to file the papers with the court. There is a lot of information I left out because I could literally write pages of this whole divorce. Needless to say there are some issues about whether the father is able to parent and protect our children from harm. I tried to file a protection order when the children and I moved to a different state. The judge dismissed that request stating that we are now in a different state then where it happened and the odds of him traveling to this state were slim at best. I also called CPS in the state of TN when we moved and made a complaint about the treatment of not only my children but the children who currently live in the household in TN. Upon calling for information to see if it was substansiated or not (sorry about all my spelling errors) I was told that I wasn't allowed that information. Then I restated that it is my children involved and that I was the one who reported it and they simply told me to call again and make the complaint over again. However, I am really not sure what that would even do since the second time I called them they not only told me to call and report again they said they can't find a case from the first time. I feel trapped. I am very worried. I do not know the law and even though I am looking things up it is in a language that I do not fully understand and is making it difficult for me to articulate what I really need to do and what is a waste of my time.

Thanks for your advice though. I really appreciate it.

[shenda]

Contact your first lawyer, he may know of someone who can represent you in the current state. His firm may have connection with another firm in the current state. Seek help from family... remain steadfast... keep knocking until someone answers you. By all means, do not give up your fight.