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Hope12 · Aug 13, 2007, 07:53 AM

Hello Everyone,
If you have any kind of disability where it makes you look different and when going to a restaurant someone laughs or stares at you, what would you do? Now to make this situation even worse what if you had some teens taking a picture of you on their cell phone and laughing and making fun of you?

What would you do and how would you handle this situation? Can anything be done about such disrespectful behavior?

Comments?

Foxy459459 · Aug 13, 2007, 10:04 AM

As bad as it is, some people are crewl mostly teens, because they don't understand. If you want you can go up to them and ask them to please stop because it is upsetting you. If there parents are there go and say something to them. Im so sorry that you have to go through something like this. Some people can be very crewl. And it never give anyone the right to do something like that. I wish I could help you more. I know its hard but sometimes you just have to ignore them.

LearningAsIGo · Aug 13, 2007, 10:16 AM

People can be such jerks. :mad:

Personally, I would smile and wave. Anything to put the attention on them and wake them up to their nasty behavior. Some people are blind to their own actions and need a little wake up call. ;)

Marily · Aug 13, 2007, 11:20 AM

Even though these people might have a hurtfull affect on someone that has a disability, I would still advice not to show them that they have an effect on you, to show them any attention might boost their egos, act as if they were'nt even there

RubyPitbull · Aug 13, 2007, 01:30 PM

Hope, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I became very upset reading your post. I definitely do not think keeping quiet and taking the high road will have any effect on these people who have not been taught proper manners. You do need to be assertive and speak up. It is the only way to get this behavior to end.

What is even sadder than those children doing what they did is that another adult in the immediate area witnessing their actions did not intervene in any way. I would never put up with that kind of behavior if I saw it going on in front of me in a restaurant. I have seen this type of behavior in the past while I was shopping, and I put a stop to it immediately. I didn't care who heard me giving them a piece of my mind. It is wrong and cruel and NO ONE should allow that to happen to another human being. By staying silent, everyone else becomes a party to it.

If I were the person who is the subject of this obnoxious behavior, I would state extremely loudly for all to hear: "I hope and pray that you are never disabled when you grow older, and are subjected to this kind of abuse from other people as you are directing toward me. How do you think you are making me feel at this moment? I can't change my situation. You should be ashamed of yourselves for being so hurtful and unfeeling of my condition." If that doesn't make them want to dive under the table of embarrassment, then there is no hope for those teens. And, if they continued, you can be guaranteed that another adult would intervene after hearing that.

jillianleab · Aug 13, 2007, 04:05 PM

If you're in a wheelchair, run over their foot.
If you have a facial deformity, offer to given them a kiss.
If you are a little person, kick them in the shin.
If you have one arm(or no arms!), announce really loudly that you'd LOVE for them to give you a high five and hold up the remaining part of your missing limb.
Or you could carry a loaded squirt gun in your pocket and make it look like they wet themselves! :)

Silly post, I know, sorry.

In all honesty, I think you need to call people out on this sort of behavior. Publicly shame them, maybe they will learn something. A glance in your direction is one thing and can be ignored, but photos, pointing, laughing, staring with one's mouth agape? Let the whole room know what a jerk that person is.

Toward the end of my dad's life he was in a wheelchair when he had to go out in public, and because of his condition he had difficulty controlling his movements. He also LOOKED very sick. We didn't take him out much (he didn't want to go anywhere), but when we did there were certainly stares. Thing is, most of the time it was at the hospital, when we were taking him for an appointment, go figure that one out! Anyway, for that we just ignored people, but no one was ever BLATENTLY rude.

Oooh! You could always take a picture of THEM and then get your friends to point and laugh at them instead!

Ok, OK, I'll stop. :)

RubyPitbull · Aug 15, 2007, 07:04 AM

Hope, you don't have to be tough when you speak to them. With what I was suggesting, say it loudly but don't shout or act angry. I think if you can muster up weepiness while you are saying it, that would be the most effective way to get to stop them cold in their tracks, and make them think about what they are doing and how cruel it is. If you don't want to do it for yourself, think about the other people just like you who are subjected to this. It would be nice if you could manage to get through to at least one of them and end it right there.

LearningAsIGo · Aug 15, 2007, 08:29 AM

Comments on this post
Hope12 agrees: It works , that is how I got the fathers attention. Thanks!

Glad I could help :)

jillianleab · Aug 15, 2007, 08:42 AM

Hope12 agrees: Great stuff. If I wasn't so darn polite, I would love to try some of these and see the reactions. LOL

And that's the difference between you and the people who are doing the teasing! YOU have manners, they don't! I wouldn't expect anyone to actually do the things I suggested, but there's nothing wrong with picturing it in your mind to make yourself feel better! :)

nicespringgirl · Aug 15, 2007, 05:00 PM

First of all, I will try not to take it hard, it's very sad and it would hurt me a lot, but you know that our mind can create a hell or heaven it is all UP TO US. I want to be happy living your lofe everyday. So please, please don't get so depressed and let it influence your life. Be strong. The things that don't kill you will make you stronger.
Secondly, if their action is forming a crime. You def. should use law to protect yourself. U know that if they laught at you, that is not enough to sue them, but something else... maybe... I mean it could be evidence that u can get on their action, collect them carefully, talk to any lawyer friends or any law professionals see if there are some laws that can protect you.
Be strong and stand up for yourself.
Don't use violence to solve the problem. Be wise, but don't let them walk over you!
Peace and love:)

Lacey5765 · Aug 15, 2007, 05:17 PM

I have a coworker that cares for a woman with downs syndrome. WHen people stare at her or make fun she looks them straight in the eye and says" oh now you really shouldn't have done that. you know now you will be blessed with a love one with Downs syndrome so you can understand" Leaves them speechless. SHe calmly walks away with a smile. She has also used the line " she had downs syndrome, what is your disability?"I work hard to educate my children on disabilities but more importantly peoples feelings. We have been blessed by living in a small town and my children have all had the opportunity of having children in their classes with disabilities. THey have learned more respect and that despite a disability they are just as "normal" as anyone else. Of course my saying is "we all have disabilities, some are just more obvious than others!" Good luck in teaching those who haven't been taught!

shygrneyzs · Aug 15, 2007, 05:33 PM

When my youngest son and I go out, we get stared at often, far too often. He has Down's Syndrome and uses a wheelchair. I have gone over and asked the person if they have a problem and if they do, I would gladly help them figure it out. I have also asked a woman who just stared at us when we were at Perkins, to come over and eat with us. One day we were at Physical Therapy and a little girl was pointing at my son and making fun of him when he was walking (he has juvenile arthritis in his hips and has a marked gait) and her Mother was so witless as to say that my son would not hurt her, since he was in the wheelchair. Omg. That needed something right then and there. So I rolled my son over to her and her daughter, sat down beside them and asked them what she needed help explaining to her daughter. I told her that children learn from their parents - attitudes on disabilities for specifics - and that the mom was not doing that child any favors by acting so ignorant.

I am not that kind anymore when someone acts so rudely. I used to ignore it but now I challenge it. I do not raise my voice, I am calm, and very precise. I also leave the person with the phone number of the People First Project here in this state. Teaching people about the conceptions and misconceptions about people with disabilities, putting the person above the disability.

While you do not have to beat someone over the head (and I admit that there have been some people that I would have loved to do that to), you can be positive and informative. Chances are they may not pay much attention but even if it stops one person from doing that the next time they encounter a person with a disability, then it is worth it.

You cannot stop every idiot from making rude and insensitive comments or from that crude gaping. Wish it were so. Just rise above it. I told one man, who had the audacity to come over and asked if I ever threw up after I got done feeding my son, "at least my son has a visible disability - what's your excuse?"

jillianleab · Aug 15, 2007, 06:50 PM

It amazes me that many people in this world are unable to cope with seeing someone in a wheelchair or with a disability. In cases of people with Down's, have people really never seen or met someone with Down's? Is it really so fascinating you must stare? If I see a parent with a child in a wheelchair coming my way, I glance, make sure I'm not obstructing their path, and carry on about my day. I don't get what is so fascinating about disabled people that we must stare at them. I understand little kids staring because they don't understand, but parents should not allow them to point or tease.

I guess it makes all the difference when you are raised by parents who tell you "it's ok for people to be different"

Hope12 · Aug 16, 2007, 04:55 AM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

When my youngest son and I go out, we get stared at often, far too often. He has Down's Syndrome and uses a wheelchair. I have gone over and asked the person if they have a problem and if they do, I would gladly help them figure it out. I have also asked a woman who just stared at us when we were at Perkins, to come over and eat with us. One day we were at Physical Therapy and a little girl was pointing at my son and making fun of him when he was walking (he has juvenile arthritis in his hips and has a marked gait) and her Mother was so witless as to say that my son would not hurt her, since he was in the wheelchair. omg. That needed something right then and there. So I rolled my son over to her and her daughter, sat down beside them and asked them what she needed help explaining to her daughter. I told her that children learn from their parents - attitudes on disabilities for specifics - and that the mom was not doing that child any favors by acting so ignorant.

I am not that kind anymore when someone acts so rudely. I used to ignore it but now I challenge it. I do not raise my voice, I am calm, and very precise. I also leave the person with the phone number of the People First Project here in this state. Teaching people about the conceptions and misconceptions about people with disabilities, putting the person above the disability.

While you do not have to beat someone over the head (and I admit that there have been some people that I would have loved to do that to), you can be positive and informative. Chances are they may not pay much attention but even if it stops one person from doing that the next time they encounter a person with a disability, then it is worth it.

You cannot stop every idiot from making rude and insensitive comments or from that crude gaping. Wish it were so. Just rise above it. I told one man, who had the audacity to come over and asked if I ever threw up after I got done feeding my son, "at least my son has a visible disability - what's your excuse?"

Hello shygrneyzs,

What a wonderful mom you are! I wish I had a mom like you when I was growing up. Maybe that would have made me much bolder in standing up for myself. I am in the process of writing an article and hopefully a book in the near future. May I use your contents in this post in that article and book? If you could, would you email me at
[email protected] and share with me your experiences with having a disabled son. It is people like yourself who have inspired me to write this article and to write a book in helping others who are disabled and deal with people who are rude or just don't understand what us with disabilities go through. I have been working in my state, Florida to get some laws passed that will protect us.

Here is Florida if a person harms a duck, they get fined $250. There should be more protection for disabled people, especially disabled children. I want to see programs that teach parents how to talk with their children about disabilities and how to treat those with them. Children need to understand this. You are just what this world needs. You are a loving parent of a disabled child, and yet compassionate, and direct in dealing with a situation, but yet peaceful and mild, and compassionate. Good job. Please email me?

Thank you,
Jadona2006 (Ilona)

Treeny · Aug 23, 2007, 01:03 PM

Originally Posted by Hope12

Hello Everyone,
If you have any kind of disability where it makes you look different and when going to a restaurant someone laughs or stares at you, what would you do? Now to make this situation even worse what if you had some teens taking a picture of you on their cell phone and laughing and making fun of you?

What would you do and how would you handle this situation? Can anything be done about such disrespectful behavior?

Comments?

That is very sad. These teens must not have been taught any morals.
I have 2 teens and as bad as they can be I do no that they would never do this.
I have always taught them that nomatter what people look like on the out side don't
Make them who they are. I got a letter once from a teacher saying congrats to you as a parent your daughter has good morals and beliefs and is not afraid to stand up for them,
This was because in class a kid was picking on a handycaped child and my daughter told him that in Gods eyes you are ugly and he is beautiful. That was coming from a 8 yr old.
She is now 18 and she has a friend who got into an accident and now is slow, they are still
Friends. Shame on any one who would do what you exsplained.

lacuran8626 · Aug 30, 2007, 02:21 PM

How about using the "kill them with kindness" approach. Walk up to them and say, "I see you've taken an interest in my (insert disability here) and I wanted to offer to answer whatever questions you might have about it." If they say "no" or deny having taken notice, you might reply, "well, just be aware that even those of us who look different are aware when people are staring, laughing at us, or taking our photos and it's a pretty immature and hurtful thing to do."

Hope12 · Aug 30, 2007, 05:30 PM

Originally Posted by lacuran8626

How about using the "kill them with kindness" approach. Walk up to them and say, "I see you've taken an interest in my (insert disability here) and I wanted to offer to answer whatever questions you might have about it." If they say "no" or deny having taken notice, you might reply, "well, just be aware that even those of us who look different are aware when people are staring, laughing at us, or taking our photos and it's a pretty immature and hurtful thing to do."

How true and yet being disabled I have learned that parents are very protective of their kids. Now days, It's hard to know how to handle such situations. People will shoot you and ask questions later. I do like the first part of your suggestion. Thanks you,
Hope12

bundles · Sep 20, 2007, 05:14 PM

My little brother has those things happen to him he suffers from downs syndrome and also has bad speech impairment. Sometime I can see him get so frustrated and angry when this happens not only with the people doing it but also with himself it is sad to see. But he is a very out going person and he usually will just walk up to them with a big smile and says 'hi', most of the time they are so shock they don't know what do. The little bugger then usually ends up friends with them. But if that doesn't work he just ignores them and just goes on doing what he was doing. As I said though he is a very out going person and he has more guts than I will ever have.
The main thing you have to remember is not everyone is like those people that stare or laugh. Most people are very excepting of people with disabilities the one that aren't are usually scared because they don't understand they try and hide this by laughing and making jokes.
I will tell you a story about my brother that made us realize how supportive people can be with people with disabilities.
In year 6 my brother made it to state for school cross country running (he went to a normal public school and not a specialist school). There was a crowd there of about 10,000people, you would usually see a small group stand up and start cheering as there school came across the finish line, well when my brother came alone the home strait in a very very dead last he had the whole place standing up cheering for him which he didn't help matters by waving and blowing kisses as he ran past.
But it made us realize that the good people out there over shadow these idiots laugh and joke.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 20, 2007, 05:21 PM

I would go up to them and very loudly ask ' would like me to pose for the picture?" Then say, " these children are laughing at me, would anyone else like to join it, if not, I'm going to enjoy my meal"

JoeCanada76 · Sep 20, 2007, 05:26 PM

I appologize ahead of time but I did not read anybody else's answers.

I just would like to say there is not much you can do about it. By reacting to it in a negative way only feeds the laughter and makes their behaviour worse. I would say that You can not control another persons behaviour and that their ignorance and behaviour will eventually catch up to them and it is not up to that person to do anything about it. This is just my own opinion.

Joe