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suprshanny · Aug 12, 2007, 04:03 PM

Well, my girlfirend of 2 years... drops a bombshell, and I need some advice.

Sorry about the length... but I really need help... so I wanted you guys to understand...

First off, I should start with saying that we are an interracial couple... with a culture difference. That isn't a problem for us... she loves my culture and Im fine with hers. But, in my culture, I'm not really supposed to date i.e not premaritial stuff... so my parents aren't really onboard.

We'll we've had the most wonderful years. The only problem we ever had is when she started to get close to some of her guy friends, ONE in particular. They were really close. He was in this stupid punk band and would wear her jeans and stuff... and they would hang out alone. I was weary of it... but I always gave her the benefit of the doubt. I love her... so trust was there, when she told me they were nothing but friends. Then we found out he liked her, and they seemed to get even closer. I think she was flattered by it... and STILL she said he was just a friend and I'm like okay. I could tell she still loved me and stuff. But then he tried to kiss her, and bascially I said 'Him or me'. She cried and stuff.. and choose me in a flash.

This was in the first 6 months of the relationship. Flash forward to now.

She has a friend coming in from out of province/state to learn some english... and he'll be living with her. They're the same age. During this time... ive been told by her mom (we're teenagers) I'm not allowed around the house... or to hang out... because they are afraid he'll feel like a 3rd wheel.. and it'll be uncomfortable. Of course... I call bs. But then my girlfriend is like... im fine with it. He's staying for 10 days.

The day before her friend comes, I got a hold of some of their MSN convo's from that same 6 month period with that guy that tried to kiss her... without her knowing. I can't believe what she wrote. Stuff about 'us' ending... and her and him having their chance... blah blah blah. So I asked her about it and she lied. I told her I know its true... do you still feel any of it? She's like no. Then she burst out into tears and says why am I still with her? She knows I'm the one... but she is so sure I am always going to be there... that she flirts with other guys.. majorly.. like that. She's does so many flaky things like this, because she wants a 'normal relationship' (one where both parents are lovey dovey about the whole thing)... and is wondering why am I still here. (she does do many retarted things). Then she says I deserve better... and she loves me to death. But she feels we should part. (I think she did this because she thought I was going to break up with her for the convo's... and she wanted to beat me too it.)

Now I think I should say that yea. I do treat her like most gf's would dream. She is NUMBER 1 in my life. At all times. Im talking.. im sleeping.. and if she calls because she's at a party... and is feeling uncomfortable... ill go pick her up. I open up the car doors for her... buy her flowers at least once every week. I buy her whatever she wants, never pressure her to do anything she doesn't want to to... sexually or otherwise. I just want to make her happy... thats what I think love is. Like I LOVE her. And I show it. And she knows this... that she probably won't find another like me. So she says 'I know I'm making the biggest mistake of my life'

Anyway. I go to her house that night... we make up. But she told her mom that we broke up... and now I'm not allowed there anymore (interracial thing again... damn old fashioned parents... ) So basically... she says she loves me... but we don't see each other.. because my parents suck... and now HERS are really sucking... and as of now... her dumb friend is over there. I get nothing all day from her.. while I'm sending my usual 'good morning I love you!' texts. (never anything back). When I call her... she says 'oh I'm sorry... im just so busy with him (her visiting friend)... im just so tired all the time.. we go to bed late... and just finding time for a call is harder than you think. But I love you honey... youre the only boy I would ever want to be with... so don't worry... about anything... we're not broken up or on a break or anything'.

But we haven't seen each other for close to a week now... the only time we've talked is when I call her. What I'm asking is... should I break up with her... I mean I love her to death... but is this thing done?

Sorry for the length... but I need help... so I wanted you guys to understand.

Jiser · Aug 12, 2007, 04:21 PM

I noticed you said she's no.1 in your life - That's BAD! There are major red flags all over what you've written here. Personally I think you probably know that deep down to. There are a lot of things you said here to, which sounded like my ex relationship. I.E. Your to good for me bla bla, bull!

Before breaking up, you need to sit down with her face to face once this other chap has gone and have an honest chat. This is what adults do - in theory.

For the time being back off a bit and live life for you not anyone else. Making someone no.1 is not healthy and not attractive, you should have a life away from your girlfriend, less flowers etc Don't smother her. Of course it goes against everything we've been told but hey. Learn the lesson now. Stay busy and be less available.

happylady123 · Aug 13, 2007, 04:19 PM

It sounds like your girlfriend is playing mind games with you. She isn't treating you the way you should be treated. Has she been like this all of the 2yrs you have been together? It's time to stop this childish behavior of hers. If my boyfriend was acting like your girlfriend, well I probably would have broken up with him, regardless of love because that treatment isn't fair. But It's time you let her know she can't act like she's 12 anymore, grow up and stop with these games, if she can't do that well she shouldn't be in a relationship. Now I know you said you guys were teenagers but are you 15 or 19 because that can make a difference in your relationship too. Your parents want you to be with someone of your own race apparently, but I'm sure they want you to be happy too. Maybe they see something you don't maybe it isn't all about race. She sounds like a troublemaker and someone who needs attention from everyone. Obviously you give her a lot of attention, it's sounds like you are there when she snaps her fingers from what you said, and it shouldn't be like that on just one end, she should be willing to give too. You need to tell her how this is making you feel, and let her know it's now or never she needs to grow up.

suprshanny · Aug 13, 2007, 05:53 PM

Im 19 and she's 17. Yea... ive been thinking I need to have a talk with her. But should I put up with her silence until this guys leaves? Or should I demand a meeting now?

Also... I don't know if she's doing anything with this other guy visiting her (cheating)... but I can't help feeling like she is... I mean... it seems like she's forgotton all about me... what do you guys think? Or is she just using it at a break? (we've never had one... in all the 2 years)

happylady123 · Aug 13, 2007, 07:22 PM

Originally Posted by suprshanny

Im 19 and she's 17. Yea...ive been thinking i need to have a talk with her. But should I put up with her silence until this guys leaves? or should i demand a meeting now?

Also....i dunno if she's doing anything with this other guy visiting her (cheating)....but i can't help feeling like she is...i mean...it seems like she's forgotton all about me...what do you guys think? or is she just using it at a break? (we've never had one...in all the 2 years)

Well, let me tell you I have been with my boyfriend since I was 17 and now I'm almost 22. We have never taken a break either but that doesn't mean squat. So you have been together 2 years, it was a good 2 yrs? Maybe she's using this as her break, who knows. I would give her the time until this guy leaves and talk to her, you know she probably wouldn't tell you if she was cheating anyway. If you want to know if she's cheating look into her phone and emails. It's not the best way but it might be your only source, unless you hire someone to follow her and find out. After this guy leaves question her on everything you want to know. Ask her the same things a few times. (When people lie they tend to change their stories a little bit) If she tells you different things you will know. If you think she wants a break, and it sounds like she does and it also sounds like you may need to do some thinking, take a break. Just talk to her after he leaves, demand answers. But remember you guys are still young and you will most likely have more relationships. But if you want this one to be the one you need to trust each other.

Jiser · Aug 13, 2007, 08:48 PM

Let her role out this week with this chap and then have an honest chat with her... Don't let it drag out though or your be emotionally drained.

Grayfox · Aug 13, 2007, 09:16 PM

Yea, you need to let it go for now man. Sounds like you've allowed yourself to become a tool and she has lost a little respect for you because of it... I think it was wildcat who first introduced the concepts of nice guy, jerk, and good guy to me... certain girls want certain things and it sounds like you're the nice guy... probably too nice... you're both young, you can't be positive of what you want in another person regardless of how strongly you feel you know. Your preferences will change as you grow. My advice would be to just let her do her thing and you do yours, let go for a while, devote some time to personal growth and let nature take its course. Don't hang on to the idea of getting back together again someday because that interupts the growing process, simply disacknowledge nothing and focus on yourself, the rest will come.

suprshanny · Aug 15, 2007, 04:04 PM

Well update. Story is... she hates this guy that's visiting her. He's really racist. And she's with me (I think) so she is bothered by a lot of what he says. Anyway, her parents love him... and they are making a push for him to make a move on her... (I can't believe that.. does this still happen? ). Apparently they take away her cell phone if she uses it too much and doesn't spend enough time with him. That's why she is sparse on the communcation (she says). I don't know if this is all an excuse just to keep me at bay... or all true. But how hard is it to hide sending a text a couple of times a day... or even a call. Im really beginning to get pissed off. Im not afraid of her parents... so I can stick up to them easy... but she says she doesn't want me too. I really don't get it.