[TRIZ]

Last Sunday a girl that I was seeing who I was very serious about told me not to waste my time and that she did not feel the same way I did.

Well a few days have past and things are a little better for me. But I just got news from my friend that I will probabaly see her on Sunday.

Now I still have feelings for her. But I know she don't for me. We have not yet talked since that day on the phone. In my mind I feel she owes me an better explanation. But I know Im not going to get it.

So, my question is how do I react to this?? :eek: :eek: :eek: :

[huno]

So, my question is how do i react to this?????????????????????????????????:eek: :eek: :eek: :

Short answer: you don't.

Long answer: you don't.:eek: :eek: :eek:



--huno

P.S.: okay, so what do I mean by that? Well, if she sees that you're hurt and worried and still thinking about her, she will like you even less. Girls don't like guys that center their whole lives around them; they like guys who are cool, calm, collected, and just a little cocky. When you see her at the party, just be completely oblivious to the situation--act like there was never a break-up, you never had a relationship, like you barely know her. If you're with your friends and she happens to come around, be polite: smile, say hi, make some chit-chat, and move on to the next person. Conversely, don't overblow your enthusiasm for being at the party (that is, don't act loud and super-excited just to show her you're happy--all things in moderation, as us old people like to say).

The point of all this is to let her know that you're doing fine and you don't need her. Inside, I'm sure you'll be crying and wishing that you were together, but on the outside be a man and don't let on that you miss her and you want an explanation and all that.

(Oh, while we're at it--don't EVER ask for an explanation. Many times girls don't know for themselves why they do the things they do, and they sure as hell aren't going to try and explain it to you. Besides, it makes you look needy.)

So go to this party and have fun. Talk to your friends, flirt with some girls, and just be yourself. Be polite with her--don't be rude, don't ignore her, don't act like she influences you in any way. Even if it doesn't show right away, you'll come out of this a winner.

P.P.S.: yes, I realize the above was the longest post-script anyone's ever written, but I thought my overly simplistic advice needed an explanation and I'm too lazy to go back and edit it.

[TRIZ]

Sweet thanks

[pasiria]

I've told several guys I was not interested. I hate it if they persist. It takes so much courage and guts to tell someone flat out that you are not interested. I personally feel very bad about rejecting men. But, it is better not to lead them on if the spark is not there. Just act cool, try to meet someone else who is interested. Also, it is better to hurt someone a little bit with the truth, then it is to kill him with deception.

[GlindaofOz]

When you ask for a more in depth explanation it sometimes makes the girl feel backed into a corner. I had a guy do this to me once and nothing I said was good enough it forced me to become mean and say some really hateful stuff to him to get him to stop. That is not a road you want to go down.

Trust that she meant what she said. If you see her on Sunday leave her be if she comes up to you be polite but don't expect much.

[TRIZ]

Well I seen her this past Sunday and we both said Hi to each other which I believe was out of couresty, nothing else was said. Although As I was 'BEING COOL" She didn't seem like herself, usually she's hanging out with everyone and she had always said " She draws energy from people" But this weekend she did not seem like herself. I know it wasn't because of me, but I guess what I am saying is I am use to seeing her happy and for some reason she wasn't happy.

Anyway , after we said hi and now that she is out of sight, my feeling for her are like there. I donn;t know if I should give up hope. I know she may not be instrested in me, but should I hang on and see if she changes her mind

[margarita_momma]

Triz,

Just let her go, sweetie. If she flat out told you that she doesn't have feelings for you, then she doesn't. You need to stop dwelling on her and go out and find you are girl that can give you the love and attention you deserve. Maybe later on she will realize she really does care about you but right now, she doesn't feel that way. So let her go and move on with your life. Good Luck!

[TRIZ]

Thank you So Much.I just feel like she will come around, but I guess I have to move on. It's just something I don't really want to do. But your right.

[TRIZ]

I was wondering if anyone else cn answer this

[huno]

There's nothing more to say, Triz--forget about her and move on. Go out and toss a football. Maybe see a movie. Ratatouille seems interesting... a mouse that can cook. Well, I guess it's a rat... but it's still pretty implausible. Still, there's something about a computer-generated version of a filthy animal that leads me to believe it'd be great if he could make me a quesadilla right around now. Goddamn, I'm hungry... but it's 11:30 at night, and I have to go to bed soon, so I can wake up early and hit the gym before work. Can you believe it's Thursday tomorrow? Where did the week go? You'd think work would go slow but actually there's just not enough hours in the day, man... well this weekend's going to be cool anyway 'cause I have a date. I hope she wears those tight jeans from our first date... sh!t's so tight you'd think her legs had to be stone-washed. I wonder how she puts those things on? She has such a thin waist but great thighs... does she have to pry them on? She probably has a crowbar around whenever she gets dressed... wait--do I still have the crowbar in my car? What if I get a flat? Or break into someone else's car? Man I should go get a crowbar before I forget... is Home Depot open right now? Probably. I'll go get my keys... while I'm out I should go get a quesadilla...



--huno

[margarita_momma]

Way to change the subject Huno! LOL

Got to love you! ;)

Hope your date goes well this weekend.

[huno]

Thanks, margarita_momma. It's the third date. I believe the third's the "seal the deal" date, right? :)

But actually I was also making a point for our good friend, Triz. See how you can just sort of wander off into something else? Just do that every time you think of her. Let her go, do your own thing and just have fun. It'll take a while but eventually your life will be yours again. If she wants to come around, fine; but just remember that you're doing great without her.

Well, off to the gym... seriously, Thursday! Dammit, why can't there be another day in the week?



--huno

P.S.: nicespringgirl, are you sure you're done? You don't have more laughs left in you? :D

[Dennis777]

Hello.

Everyone is telling you to move on and they are right. Im not saying she can't be a friend in time depending on how long you have known each other. You might have just pushed the " I Love You" button to fast and to hard with her. So be nice when you see her. Give you're a smile and ask how she is. BUT DO NOT ask her for information about why she doesn't have the same feelings as you. That will put her in a spot that will make her pull away and never feel good around you.

IN a nut shell, Do as she asks and don't think of her as your Lover. Be nice to her and don't bad talk her to anyone. DON'T ask her about why she said what she said.

Dennis777

[kp2171]

Look, doing a little chasing is good and healthy. Most women I've been with liked being chased... in fact, one of the keys to a long term relationship is to keep "chasing"... it takes more mental work and is harder to do, as we get lazy, but doing some work to keep a relationship is good.

But here, at best you'd be a butler. You can work your arse off, be nice to her, do things for her, but if she isn't doing the same back, it isn't healthy. Even IF she liked you, spending too much time focusing on her happiness isn't a good idea. It can get boring... for her. Nice to have an a$$-kisser around now and then, but after a while you look for something more interesting. I know. What can be more interesting than kissing a girls a$$?

Uh.

Focus.

Yeah! The point being badly made is probably just backing mostly what's been said

1) a further explanation won't help. Yes... if it were something like "i like you large but you have BAD breath" that could help... but she's just acting like things didn't mesh for her.

It happens. I dated a girl who I had lightly flirted with off and on for a couple of years. I was in other relationships. I never cheated. Just a special smile now and then and little chat. We both knew there was a vibe there, just bad timing. Well, eventually I was a free guy and went after her. Come to find out the only thing we meshed on right was we, uh, flirted well. Until we dated. Then even that was done.

So sometimes a square peg just doesn't fit in the square hole and that's that. Don't go nuts over the details of what went "wrong"... tell yourself that, if anything, she went "wrong" by missing the chance to know you better

2) do not wait. Yes... you are going to feel a little upset that it didn't work out and that you just can't tear out those feelings for her. Again, it happens. It sucks when you take a chance and the other person says "not so much" but you do need to deal with it in a healthy way. Accepting that sometimes you are going to want what you can't get is an important skill... and being able to try again and not be afraid is more important.

Concerning relationships, I've done some dumb things and had dumb things done to me. But I can't say I really regret what I did, its usually the things I never tried that pi$$ me off. So you took a chance and it didn't work out. Good job. Don't hafta bat 1.000 to get into the hall of fame, bud.

So dust off, and cowboy up. Move on.

3) if she does start to show you attention, it doesn't mean she's changed her mind. She might just miss the attention. That doesn't mean blow her off, it means be a little guarded. At this point, she needs to be chasing YOU... and until she does, I think all else is just noise.

I dated another cutie whose in san antonio now chasing boys on horses... she was cool (uninterested) at first cause she was just out of a big breakup and not ready. Well... she thought about it and decided to pursue me a bit. That was fun.

But most of the time the wait-to-see-if-shell-come-around approach leaves you just waiting. And waiting. And no further along.

I'm done babbling for now. Sorry it didn't work out. Glad you are willing to seek out advice.

[MOWERMAN2468]

If you are a fisherman as myself, you have always caught some of the smaller fish that are not worthy of keeping , and throw them back right??
THERE ARE MORE FISH IN THE SEA MAN, WAKE UP, LET HER GO. And find yourself a better catch. You don't always succeed at first, that is why it is a learning process that you need to go through.

[BMI]

Nothing good can come of it, if you don't have to absolutely have to be there, DON'T GO!

I see no upside, only a big downside for you at this stage, sorry:(