[snuffy]

Please advise me.

I been talking to this girl for a while about going out with her and stuff and we fancy each other like crazy

Anyway, I been playing it by the 'deangelo' text book, not been needy wussy any of that, I have showed her I want her but not said it.

So we went to her grans at the weekend and went for a walk when she told me, ' I want to talk to you a minute, and she said I don't see us working because your going to uni 180 miles away and because she will get grief from her friends, (I previously went out with a friend of hers as in an earlier post).

She has known the situation all along and also I have ruined any hope of friendship with the ex by putting it in the open that I like thi snew girl and she said she liked/fancied me.

So anyway after she told me I didn't appear distraught, I was like 'yeh that's OK, I'm a little pissed off but don't worry I respect your choice' then I didn't saya word about it.

We drove back to her house and I staye dthere the afternoon until late had dinner there and I flirted with her and was all smiley and jokey and I could see she still likes me. (by the way she said that she fancys me like crazy despite thinking it won't work)

Her mum said do I want to stay I looked at the girl and she smiled so I said yeah I may as well, it was getting on 11pm.

We had fun and stayed up a while then went to bed, so I sent her a cheeky text message which said 'where is my goodnight kiss' she wrote back, ' u never asked for one' so I wrote 'im asking now! :p) to my delight she came into the room 2 minutes later and I expected just a little kiss , well she made out properly with me. I was amazed and it was a passionate kiss.

Then she was silent I said what's up she said hmm I'm thinking about what I said to you earlier then I said what and she said.. nothing. Then kissed me again and went to bed.

Then morning after I didn't even mention it at all but was smiley and had a knowing look on my face, she was smiley too, and all day we were watching movies (one called 'closer' which is an interesting film) and we were next to each other , I was touching her leg and her hand to hold it and she was reciprocating, she held my hand, and at th e dinner table she was playing footsie and smiling as was I.

Then I went home last night, having not said a word about anything that happened.

How should I proceed. What do you think I s going on, I am a bit confused now what to do and I want to give it a go with this girl despite the obvious practical difficulties.

Thanks for your help.

[snuffy]

Wildcat. You're the man for these situations.

I'm at my wits end. I will be calling he when I leave work in 30 minutes, what do I say?

Give me examples of words to use/phrases, to clarify the above situation?

Many many thanks.x

[Wildcat21]

That was great!! You are the man! Love the text message 'come back' perfect! You almost blew it and then come back with that? Awsome! She was probably lying in bed wondering why you didn't kiss. As disappointed as you were.

I think her initial chat was a test to see where you were at. Woman get confused and change their minds in a heart beat.

Hey -she likes you and is probably playing hard to get. DON'T rush this - give her time now to think about you. Give her a little space and time to think about her.

Be cool about this - and what her friends think just doesn't matter to YOU! Ok? DON'T EVER bring any of that stuff up - OK? Would James Bond bring that stuff up? WHAT happened in the pas thas NO bearing on the future UNLESS you make it an issue.

You handle that so well my man.

Remember - you're and independent guy - the out come of this Won't effect your life - you don't care.

Call her in a few days - seriously. You're a busy guy going forward.

[Wildcat21]

DON'T CALL HER!! Wait!! There is no rush her. For the love of god! This is a marathon.

[snuffy]

Wow, so I did well then, I kind of been learning this 'deangelo' stuff and I suppose it is working. In particular I was using the 'show you care but don't say it thing', i.e. by my flirting I showed I was not phased by being blown out and that I was still interested. Isn't 90% of communication non verbal. The old me would have had my head down and sulked and then blew it conmpletely but the new me... I just carried on regardless.

To me it seems she fancies me but is scared herself of falling in love and me not being around all the time.

OOps, I did call her last night and I said what did you think then to that kiss, and she said she liked it, and I also spoke about being flirty and holding hands, and she said yeah course I like dit, I wouldn't have eheld your hand if I didn't want to. And I said well I'm cool with whatever happens. Just before I left the conversation I said hmm I'm busy all week doing assignments but do you want to meet up at weekend. She said yeah I do, so I said right well I got to go now, I'll leave you to think about where your taking me then!

I don't know if that call has damaged my chances, I shoul dthink not, but I've made no contact since.

So, if she texts me even if it is really dirty talk or whatever shall I wait a day before I reply,make her wonder what I am doing, and appear not too available?


Any more advice would be great, especially from wildcat.


Thanks a lot,

snuffy.

[Wildcat21]

"Isn't 90% of communication non verbal." - Yes I've read that your words are about 7% important - unless in an argument.

"To me it seems she fancies me but is scared herself of falling in love and me not being around all the time." - quit calling her - give her space and time. You're going to smother this girl again as well - be smart about this. Do you want her? Or do you want her to leave? There is NO RUSH here - especially with this gal who has outside influences (her friends - especially the one).

Don't talk about flity and kissing either - men don't talk about that stuff at all. That's really soft - yuck. Seriously. Be funny an tease her. And watch the compliments.

That call should have waited. I hope you weren't on the phone too long?

Yes - wait on the text - BUT DON'T text too much - woman get very annoyed with text messaging for some reason. Seriously - they may have fun with it for a while - but they will like - why didn't he just call? You can look like a real weasel.

Remember - the more you rush this, th more quick it will end. Just some tough love. If you feel like you have to call her - call someone else.

[fredg]

Hi,
I agree with you not rushing it.
Leave her alone for awhile; maybe a couple of weeks or 3, and let her decide what the next move will be.
Girls LOVE to flirt; and don't get caught up in it, thinking it's "for real".
Best of luck,
fredg

[snuffy]

I hate to do the proverbial on your bonfire. But I waited weeks and played it by the book.

I can't WAIT 3 WEEKS BECAUSE IM Going TO UNIVERSITY IN MID SEPTEMBER

That's WHY IT HAS TO BE SOONER THAN THAT, AND I HAVE WAITED AGES AND NOT BOTHERED HER, WE HAVE A PROVISIONAL DATE FOR THE WEEKEND SO PERHAPS IT IS BEST TO LEAVE HER TILL THURSDAY NIGHT/FRIDAY

Excuse the caps, not intentional, too much effort to go back and type all over again!

With that in mind what should I do?

[Wildcat21]

I wouldn't wait three weeks - just QUIT contacting her every day.

Be scarce - LESS IS MORE!!

I wouldn't call her more than once or twice a week. And only see her once a week. This is the beginning.

[Wildcat21]

Call Thursday night. You're busy Friday out.

[Wildcat21]

And don't get desperate here. You're sounding a little needed. Woman can smell that stuff a mile away.

[sphyncx]

93% wild... COME ON!. I'm just kidding ;)

But yes just ride this one out... don't rush anything and keep acting like you want her but you don't need her.