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BAP21 · Aug 9, 2007, 05:08 PM

Im 14 yrs. Old! I live with my grandparents. If I decided to have one of my friends drive me to my moms , but right when I got there she called the police and said " my daughter is at my house , she ran away from her house."
Would my mom get introuble?
What would happen to me?
And if I ran away like that more then once, would I eventually get to live with my mom?

GlindaofOz · Aug 9, 2007, 05:13 PM

No that is not the right solution to your problem.

Why are you with your grandparents and not your mother?

BAP21 · Aug 9, 2007, 05:20 PM

my mom lost custoday when I was 2... since then I have been living with my dad but he's akways lived with my grandparents... recently he went to jail and won't be back for 4 years... my mom is a great momther though, and she recently tried to get custody of me from my grandparents, but she didn't win!
= (

GlindaofOz · Aug 9, 2007, 05:22 PM

Well you have to listen to the courts. Running away will not help your situation. Unfortunately you are not old enough to choose who you will live with. If you keep running away a lot of bad things could happen to you like having to go to juvenile detention or being taken away from your grandparents with no possibility of going to your mom.

Is there anyway you could spend more time with your mom? What has she said about that?

BAP21 · Aug 9, 2007, 05:32 PM

Well I would be more comfortable staying here if my grandparents would be more reasonable! It seems to me they want to make my mom miserable by not letting her have extra time with me , even in the summer!. recently I asked them if I could go over to my moms for my cusons baby shower , at first my grandpa said no, then my grandma said I could go for just the day , I asked if I could just sleepover because the shower might get done late, and my grandma refuses to give me anymore time!. I feel like I have no rights in this house hold... and I no if I lived with my mom she would leyt me see my grandparents anytime

GlindaofOz · Aug 9, 2007, 05:49 PM

Not to be harsh but honey you are a child. Your grandparents are doing what they think is best for you right now. You may disagree but there must be a reason why they have custody of you. Please try to see that they are not purposefully making your life hard. There are things that go on that children cannot always understand. I'm sure your grandparents are doing their best and I'm certain there are reasons they are trying to limit time with your mother.

BAP21 · Aug 9, 2007, 06:12 PM

Let me tell you something... you obviously don't no what your talking about because my mother is a great woman who has her life together... she has two kids (my half brothers) and they are both wonderful kids... there is no reason I'm not living with her... ill tell you the real reason... its because my grandparents have MONEY... and my mom doesn't have that much money... and when you have money, you have the power... thats the way life is... I got ripped off in life... because my grandma wants a servant around her house to do all the work!. the only reason she won't let me see my mom is because she still hates her from when she divorced my dad!. im very mature for my age and I no what is going on... and I absolutely dispise when people say I'm just a child and I don't no what's going on, because I do!!

rockerchick_682 · Aug 9, 2007, 06:13 PM

What's wrong with your grandparents? Is the situation really that bad that you have to run away? Well, the worst situation is that your grandparents will call you in as a runaway and you'll go to juvy. Considering that you're going to a friends house... it won't be that hard to find you. You obviously shouldn't be staying with your dad if he's drunk driving and killing people and on drugs, is that really what you want in your life? And I don't know what your mom did but she'd have to prove a lot to earn that custody back. Just deal with it, what's so bad about living with your grandparents?

I've been through this whole custody thing and really I had no idea who my parents were back then. If your mom doesn't have the money to support you then of course they're going to send you to your grandparents.

But to answer your question, running away would be the worst thing you could do, and by the way, I don't know where you live but in CO when you're 15 you can go to court and say where you want to live.

shygrneyzs · Aug 9, 2007, 06:25 PM

If you run away and continue to run away from your custodial grandparents, it will not get you to live with your Mom. You would enter a different home - one for juveniles at risk or the like. If your Mom is so great and wonderfiul, she would gain custody. Sorry to sound so negative, but there is a valid reason the courts have you placed with your grandparents and not your Mom. If you are at your friends home and get your friend to drive you to your Mom, you can get your friend into a whole lot of trouble too.

Your 14 and say you are wise beyond your years here, from what you say, you do not sound like it. If you continue to be so unhappy at your Grandparents, then talk to a school counselor or call Child Protective Services and make your complaints there. If your Grandmother is only keeping you as her "slave" then that would be investigated. If you are saying all this to get to live with your Mom, that will come out also.

At the age of 16, in most states, you can petition the courts for emancipation. You will be so much smarter at 16 than you are now and if you can prove to the courts that you really have it all together and can support yourself (not getting any support from anyone else), pay your own bills, have a job, and are competent, you might get your wish for freedom. What a lot of fun that will be - early adulthood. Job, rent, bills, transportation, etc. A slave to no one, but yourself.

We were all 14 once and experienced the angst of those years. Yes, we do know what you are experiencing. You have a great deal of resentment towards your Grandparents and your parents and I think seeing a counselor to get your head straight about where your priorities should be is a great idea. You can tell me I am wrong but you need some growing up yet. Thankfully you have the time to do just that.

BAP21 · Aug 9, 2007, 06:28 PM

Umm my mom has enough money to support me!. she doesn't have enough money to take my grandparents back to court again! And it is bad living with my grandparent!. you wouldn't no because your not me, so before you say something that you don't really no about... you should think it over... and over cource I won't be staying with my dad... becasue,, he's in JAIL!!

GlindaofOz · Aug 9, 2007, 06:29 PM

I would not presume to know the whole story. While you may be very mature for your age you may still not understand the whole situation. I'm not saying that your mother is a bad mother. But even if your grandparents have money that does not make them your instant guardians. The judge may have felt that you would have a better life with your grandparents since they have more money to help in raising you.

If your grandmother is abusing you be treating you like a servant then you should report her to Child Protective Services.

shygrneyzs · Aug 9, 2007, 06:32 PM

Then do not ask for advice, since no one here is you. You can file a complaint against your Grandparents with the Social Services. Make your charges to the agency that has the power to intervene. They will investigate. They have to investigate. As far as your Mom is concerned - there are attorneys who work on a sliding scale fee and there are those who take a payment plan - so don't play that card that she cannot afford an attorney.

BAP21 · Aug 9, 2007, 06:36 PM

None of you people no what your talking about because you don't no the whole story! I could never sit down and right the rest because it would take to long... the advise I gotten today was rediculus , I will listin to my own mind and ill do what I feel is right!

GlindaofOz · Aug 9, 2007, 06:37 PM

Well in order for us to give you appropriate advice we would have to know the whole story.

What are we missing out on here that would help us see your side?

GlindaofOz · Aug 9, 2007, 06:40 PM

Also your question was will running away get me placed with my mom. We all told no, it will more then likely put in a juvenile detention center or a foster home.

Unfortunately at 14 you are a child in the eyes of the law and are therefore unable to make a choice in who you want to live with. In some states when you are 16 you can say who you want to live with BUT if the courts have found your mother unfit (not saying they have but if they did) they may not allow you the choice.

Those are the facts kid. That's life. You have to follow the laws and this is what your situation is right now.

Nosnosna · Aug 9, 2007, 06:43 PM

If you run away to your mom's house, a few things will happen:

First, you'll be returned to your grandparents' house. This will happen every time you run away.

Second, your mother will be investigated. If she encouraged this behavior, or even failed to report it to the police, she could be in trouble.

Third, if you run away multiple times, you'll end up in the court system yourself, and not in any situation where they're going to listen to you.

If you want to live with your mother, she has to petition the court for custody. Nothing other than that will get you what you want. Any running away you do will make it harder for her to get custody.

mikezapwnzor · Aug 9, 2007, 11:41 PM

The very second you run away your life will go spiraling into oblivion never to return... obviously...

rockerchick_682 · Aug 10, 2007, 11:55 AM

Of course you don't want to stay with your dad cause he's an alcoholic and a druggie, only cause he's in jail right, good thinking. So tell me this, why did your mom lose custody to your dad in the first place? I've been through this same thing and I'll tell you right now, you don't know what's going on. Go back to school, learn how to spell, and get good grades so when you grow up you won't be like your parents. If you're going to ask for advice, don't complain about how we don't know anything about the situation. So what you have to live with your grandparents, at least you're not living around drugs and alocohol. Sorry but get over it, you're living with your grandparents cause that's what's best for you. About the whole slave chore thing, maybe if you grew up a little bit, sat down with your grandparents and asked them to cut down on the chores that would work out better

ScottGem · Aug 10, 2007, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by rockerchick_682

I don't know where you live but in CO when you're 15 you can go to court and say where you want to live.

That may be the case, but its still the court's decision as to where they will live. The court has to make their decision on what they feel is the best interest of the child. While the child's wishes will carry some weight, its by no means automatic.

ScottGem · Aug 10, 2007, 12:08 PM

Originally Posted by BAP21

none of you people no what your talking about because you dont no the whole story! i could never sit down and right the rest becasue it would take to long ....the advise i gotten today was rediculus , i will listin to my own mind and ill do what i feel is right!

You obviously expected confirmation that you could just run away and live with your mom. So when you didn't get what you wanted to hear, but got good advice instead, you lash out at the people trying to help you. That shows a degree of immaturity that will not help you get to live with your mom.

You are right in that we don't know the whole story. And its very possible your grandparents have enough money to get a better lawyer and that's why they retained custody. But its also possible that the court was not convinced that allowing you to live with your mother was in your best interests. And your little temper tantrums here, show that you cannot be trusted to determine what is in your best interests.

So the bottomline is your grandparents have legal custody. The only way that will change is if your mom can convince a judge that she is a better choice. Emancipation is not the answer, since that means you have to be able to live on your own, not with someone else. Running away is not the answer because your mom will get in trouble if she doesn't send you right back.

The answer In my opinion is to show your grandparents that you are maturing enough to spend more time with your mom or for your mom to convince a court. No matter what the facts are that you haven't told us, it doesn't change that.