[jlover]

Hi all,

After dealing with so much heart break in my one year relationship with my boyfriend, I decided I need to look for some help and came upon this forum.

I was with my boyfriend for about a year. I told him in the beginning that I was looking to get into a meaning relationship that could potentially lead to marriage. He is a business man in a very high position and apparently makes an abundance of money. (not interested in his money... cause I make good money myself... )

He is a private person and very secretive as a person. Sometimes even paranoid and moody. But because I love him so much even till this day, I've let things slide... Sometimes he made me feel compelled to think that it may have been other women (did express this to him and he got annoyed cause I would ask him so many times.)... cause he would always put his phone on silent and screened his calls, hide my tooth brush lots of the times, never invite me out for drink when he goes out with his co-workers... He doesn't share his feeling too much but has told me that he loves me, wants to spend the rest of out lives together, talk about our future and our kids, etc.

But approaching our year mark, I felt that it was a bit odd that when I asked him what he did the night before or asked him where he was going after work... he would always give me vague answers. Sometimes I wouldn't even hear from him at all after working hours.
So I broke up with him... and told him that the lack of communication was hurting our relationship. We've been broken up for 4 weeks now and we've been in contact and we both have expressed that we miss each other and we're both scared. And he's very up and down with the decision of getting back together with erratic emotional behavior.

Recently, I've heard that there was a women coming out of his apartment. Technically, we are broken up so he didn't do anything wrong BUT in the matters of loving someone, I feel that it wasn't right.

I feel so sad! I know that I cannot get back together with him because I don't think that I can trust him, But I just feel horrible thinking that this woman or other women are more sufficient and I am not? :confused:

Before I meet him I was happy, and very confident but I feel like his secretive behavior drove me to be so consumed in this relationship and insecure!

Any Advice?

[GlindaofOz]

Leave him be. He sounds like a poor match for a happy confident woman. You need to go no contact with him. Right now you are not in a place to have a good perspective on your relationship. No contact means NO CONTACT. You need to heal and get over this guy.
Also if he cannot give you a relationship he cannot give you a friendship. The point of no contact is allow you to heal separate from him. If you maintain contact you will never be able to move on.

Start to focus on your own happiness. Do things for yourself that make you feel good. Spend time with friends. Anything to keep you from fixating on this awful man

[Chery]

You have a very healthy head on your shoulder and practically answered your own question. I bet you already made your mind up and just need a little confirmation (we all need a little feedback, and this is the place for you to get it)

Be glad you don't live in the same building and that he does not get your dander up each day.

Just pat yourself on the back that you cut this off as early as possible - you will be completely over him in no time because you know you don't need him.

Keep us posted,

[kp2171]

First issue is you never found out about the vagueness. That's still an issue that needs tended BEFORE you even talk about getting together.

As for the woman leaving, you have absolutely NO GROUND here. You cannot break it off and expect the ex to be lonely, single, and at home crying for you.

I know what you are saying, but it breaks the "rules"... I've seen and dated women I didn't love. I've been on dates when I was still getting over another woman. You have no justified place in telling him who he can or cannot see.

Until you both come to a place where there is understanding about communication and trust on both sides, you are still broken up with not a lot of hope for a lasting relationship.