[excon]

Hello turn:

Fortunately for your children, even though you are considering it, the courts will NEVER let him near his victims again.

excon

[GoldieMae]

This question upset me so badly that I fumed about it for several hours last night. I have a little daughter, and the mere thought of it just made me so angry. Everything I do in life, since the day she was born, has been for her or in her best interest. I know from experience that there are parents out there who have no business raising kids. And social services rarely does enough to protect them. I've experienced situations where everyone knows that abuse is occurring, but the little girl is too afraid to speak up because either the abuser or the enabler has convinced her that being removed from the home is worse than being abused.

[happylady123]

I think everyone in your family needs therapy. You must not be thinking clearly. How could anyone forgive someone that touched their child. I know he didn't rape her, but it doesn't make it okay. He is obviously a sick man, don't let him near your kids.

[turnera1]

My husband is corrently in prison as a sex offender.
The victim was my 14 year old dauther his stepdauther. my husband did not have sex with her!
My three dauther's and I have forgave him for what he did.
He has repeatly asked my dauther the (victim) to forgive him for what he did.
My dauther(victim) cried because she said that she wants her father.
She doesnt look at the situation as a painful experience anymore, niether do I. We believe in change and forgiveness. Sure I would'nt be able to just be as before, but my dauthers want there Dad. What do I do about the Law? How can he see his Kids? They want to see there father.In my heart I feel he will NOT do this again. what can we do?

You got to understand...

[GlindaofOz]

you got to understand...

What are we to understand? That you husband molested your daughter. You tell you daughter that God wants her to forgive him so in order to please her mother she cries for her father.

Your husband is a scumbag.

Are we missing something?

[turnera1]

This question upset me so badly that I fumed about it for several hours last night. I have a little daughter, and the mere thought of it just made me so angry. Everything I do in life, since the day she was born, has been for her or in her best interest. I know from experience that there are parents out there who have no business raising kids. And social services rarely does enough to protect them. I've experienced situations where everyone knows that abuse is occurring, but the little girl is too afraid to speak up because either the abuser or the enabler has convinced her that being removed from the home is worse than being abused.

I hate that you were upset about this issue, however please understand that my dauther is fourteen years old and she is old enough to tell me her feelings. We were at a store and I asked her "what's wrong"? She said "I want Daddy". Mind you this was a shock to me I went to my sister/Friend and said to my friend her dad did this! She wants to see him. I was shocked and in confusion somewhat. You guys must understand that if this was a smaller child that didn't understand this ordeal then I wouldn't want to ask anyone this question. I am not trying to be weird niether do I want to affect anyone in a negative way.

[excon]

you got to understand...

Hello again,

Oh, I understand. So do all these fine people. I understand that you "feel" he won't do it again, and I understand that he wants to come back home. I CLEARLY understand...

What YOU DON'T understand, is that the LAW, the COURTS and his PROBATION OFFICER will NEVER let that happen. So, it doesn't matter what any of you want.

That's as it should be.

excon

[GlindaofOz]

You have not answered if she has been in therapy.

How do you know that she does not want to see him to confront him over what he did to her?

[J_9]

Yes, we understand. We understand that molesters are master manipulators. He may have brainwashed her into believing that this is love and that this is what "Daddys" do. But it is not and she needs some INTENSE counseling. PERIOD.

This is sick, sick, sick. You need to teach her that what he did was wrong and that he doesn't love her.

[GlindaofOz]

Also YOU are the parent. You should be telling her that what he did was wrong and that because he hurt her he cannot see her again.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get her into some counseling. You can get low cost to no cost counseling through your town's mental health department or as J-9 pointed out on another post through a university's psychology program.

[mountain_man]

Your daugther IS old enough to tell you her feelings but NOT old enough to have been able to deal with the enormity of the situtation. Wait until she is an adult to see him or attempt to and get everyone in some sort of counseling!

[bushg]

I hate that you were upset about this issue, however please understand that my dauther is fourteen years old and she is old enough to tell me her feelings. we were at a store and I asked her "what's wrong"? she said "I want Daddy". Mind you this was a shock to me I went to my sister/Friend and said to my friend her dad did this !! she wants to see him. I was shocked and in confusion somewhat. you guys must understand that if this was a smaller child that didnt understand this ordeal then I wouldnt want to ask anyone this question. I am not trying to be weird niether do I want to affect anyone in a negitive way.

Lady you should have told her, daddy's do not molest their daughters. I love you too much to put in harms way, again. When you are an adult you may see him if you want. But for now it will be just me and your sisters. Tell her that is your job as a parent, doing what is best and safest for her.

[BEEN THERE]

Dear Turnera!

I am so sorry that you have had to go through this and then be attacked by all of these people when you were just looking for a sounding board. My ex husband molested his niece and my daughter. (5 times his niece, twice with my daughter) When his niece found out that he was going after my daughter she told me. I did all the right things, called social services and the police, divorced him after he went to jail. Supported my children in everyway I could. But what they don't realize is how much pain is caused to everyone. Not just the children. I was in court more than he was as I was question over and over to see if I had any knowledge of the events. I lost my husband, my income, and for a while my sanity. I can remember crying hysterically because I missed garbage day two weeks in a row, because that was something he always did. As devastated as I was upon hearing what he had done, sickened, I remember feeling relief because he was finally talking to me again and I knew what had been bothering him for so long. You are in a very vulnerable state right now and you need support too! Not attacks. But please listen to reason. 1) They don't help him in prison and he is still hiding from the truth and depth of his actions 2) When in rehab after his release is when he will finally be surrounded by others like him and truly see what he has done and hopefully start being honest about what led up to this. ( It's so hard to be truly honest when every one thinks you should just Die!) 3.) Most cases will not allow him to see his victim until they are 18 unless it is his own child She is a step child and this will not happen.
So you have to move on. Let the pain and anger out don't block it. (Years later I still hate my ex on some days) Go on with your life. Use the love you have for him to be his friend help him get through this, but not as his wife as a friend an honest one. Let him know when you are angry or sad so he can understand his actions. Tell the kids he is sick and needs help and he can't be around them for many many years. Don't get there hopes up falsely. As awful as this is it does get easier in time. My ex and I are still the best of friends, my daughter and his niece are grown and although both have emotional scars they are doing just fine. If I had given in to my desires ( and yes I did have some) to stay together I truly believe my daughter would have felt as thou I loved him more than her she would have had no respect for me and I would have had none for myself. Even now I am battling myself. Because I greatly desire to get back together with him after everything. The love has never died. But the children come first, they have too. And I desperately want to see my grandkids ,when I have some at my house, without risking them getting hurt or my daughter feeling uncomfortable. We can't always choose our path but we can make the best of it. You and your children are stronger than you think. Grow closer to them and God and the situation with your husband will turn out in it's own time if it was meant to be.

[ScottGem]

I'm going to take a different tack here. You have not answered the salient question here about why was he convicted and what did he actually do.

I would also ask how long ago this happened, how old was the victim and the other girls at the time? Why did the 14 year old, all of a sudden ask for daddy? Did she offer an explanation?

I fully understand the hard line taken by some of your other responses. While I don't disagree with it, I would like more info before I make a recommendation.

[xx pretty girl xx]

My husband is corrently in prison as a sex offender.
The victim was my dauther his stepdauther.
My three dauther's and I have forgave him for what he did.
He has repeatly asked my dauther the (victim) to forgive him for what he did.
My dauther(victim) cried because she said that she wants her father.
She doesnt look at the situation as a painful experience anymore, niether do I. We believe in change and forgiveness. Sure I would'nt be able to just be as before, but my dauthers want there Dad. What do I do about the Law? How can he see his Kids? They want to see there father.In my heart I feel he will NOT do this again. what can we do?

This is just an opinion but if your daughter really wants to see him I think you should let them but just don't leave them completley alone with him. I know you believe in change and all that but you can never be too careful and I highly doubt you want the same thing or something worse to happen again (not saying it will but be careful its your decision)

[Megg]

Ppl screw up BIG time. Ppl also do time for it in some way. It's an issue of trust, and compassion. Your kids if 15 or up should make there own choices. But if he's sorry then let him see his kids. How would it be for you if u screwed up and then couldn't see your family again...

[Foxy459459]

If you let her see this man, even if she claims to want to see him, she will hate you for it when she's older.

Here's the way I see it. You have been reminiscing about this monster in front of your kids, feeding crap to them about how he's changed, he loves them, he's their "daddy", he won't do it again. You may have told your kids that you prayed for him, he's found Jesus. I wouldn't be surprised if you have been telling your daughter Jesus wants her to forgive him. You may even be shaming her into thinking she has to forgive him. She knows it'll make YOU happy if she forgives him, so she pretends that she has so you will still love her. Am I warm? I know I am.

He ain't her daddy, he ain't her father, so stop calling him that.

I've seen this exact scenario play out over and over and over and over again with women who stay married to these slimey dregs of flesh that dare attempt to use the title "man."

You are manipulating that poor abused child into thinking she wants to forgive him. The fact that you don't look at this experience as "a painful experience any more" makes me sick to my stomach over the torment your little girl is going through and you don't even see or apparently care about. That fact that you are willing to split hairs over molestation versus rape says it all. How selfish can you be? Are you honestly willing to put your marriage to a depraved child molestor ahead of your flesh and blood's emotional well being? Real good parenting there!

I have no sympathy for you, but I pray for your three daughters.

This girl nailed it right on the head!

[Paigiebaby]

If they want to see him then let them but make sure they are not alone with him because when you do something like he did you may believe you are a changed person but most likely you will still have the same urges you did before. So if you let him see them remember that because no one has the right to be hurt in anyway and not letting him see them is probably going to hurt him. Be careful. Best of Luck

[Treeny]

My husband is corrently in prison as a sex offender.
The victim was my dauther his stepdauther.
My three dauther's and I have forgave him for what he did.
He has repeatly asked my dauther the (victim) to forgive him for what he did.
My dauther(victim) cried because she said that she wants her father.
She doesnt look at the situation as a painful experience anymore, niether do I. We believe in change and forgiveness. Sure I would'nt be able to just be as before, but my dauthers want there Dad. What do I do about the Law? How can he see his Kids? They want to see there father.In my heart I feel he will NOT do this again. what can we do?

First I would make sure tha tthere was always someone with when he is around her , because sex offenders have a sickness and may not be able to stop themselves.
The courts may issue visitation with a social worker, which I feel would be the best solution.
If he gos to counseling and swears never to violate her again, Don't take the risk!
Have someone their at all times! People can change but more than often they don't.
I bet he was also violated as a child, it's a vicious cycle, don't let it continue on to your children.

[talaniman]

There are afew questions you have not answered, what was he convicted of? And Have your children been to counseling for this? Without those answers I can only believe you are not totally forthcoming and can only give an emotional reply and not an informed opinion. So you keep him away from the kids until they are adults, and can protect themselves.