Don't know what to do.

DazT · Dec 9, 2007, 04:44 AM

Okay, so me and this girl are still seeing each other.. I've kissed other girls but it doesn't get back to her but when she kisses other boys it gets back to me and its hurting me..

I got a bit drunk last night and said I wanted an exclusive relationship (I don't because I'm getting the best of both worlds) and that messed things up. But I explained this morning that I don't want an exclusive relationship, that I was only drunk when I said it.

So what should I do? Keep it the way it is with both of us seeing other people? It's just that most Friday and Saturday nights I worry about where she is and who's she with.. even though I'm with other girls. We have both agreed that we shouldn't worry if we kiss different people because we know they don't have feelings for that person they kiss but she still doesn't feel like mine.

DazT · Dec 10, 2007, 07:21 AM

Anybody?

talaniman · Dec 10, 2007, 07:48 AM

You said no contact worked, and I think it did too.

No it didn't, she came back as a friend, and that's where she is keeping you. The rest is your own mind feeding you false hope. No contact is a healing process, so you can move on, and be happy, not a strategy to get an ex back. You've also said that you don't want to be exclusive, which we know isn't true. Her contacting you and you contacting her, has kept the flame alive, and you thinking this is a game, still thinking she will comeback to you exclusively, but the real story is she has moved on, and you're a friend like all the other guys, and she has you very confused with the little attention she gives you when she does. Leave her alone, and cut the contact, for your own healing this time, so you can move on, and enjoy your own life without her. Accept the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is over. Hmmm, she kisses and touches everyone but you, get a clue.

DazT · Dec 10, 2007, 08:37 AM

I think you've misunderstood. Me and this girl are casual.. we do all the things boyfriend/girlfriend do but when we're not with each other we are free to get off with other people. I don't want her exclusive, I'm having the best of both worlds, I'm spending time with her, acting as a boyfriend, but when I'm not with her I can go where I want and do what I want. I definitely don't want her exclusive.

talaniman · Dec 10, 2007, 12:15 PM

The only reason I'm seeing her at the minute is because I'm trying to move things slowly to get back into the relationship again. But knowing that she is doing things with other boys, flirting with other boys etc.. Its hurting me.

Okay, I don't understand how I misread this, but I stick by my NO CONTACT, suggestion. Move on.

DazT · Jan 2, 2008, 10:41 AM

Well, I've gotten bored of the open relationship that I was having with a girl that used to be my girlfriend for two years. I always told her that you can't go from a serious exclusive relationship to an easy going casual one and I was right.

The thing is, she treats me like pure crap. When I'm with her, she text messages other boys, boys that she's doing things with. I read her text messages today and found out that she's being seeing more boys than I thought.

So I ended it tonight, broke off the relationship with her. Now, I've done this before, but I have always gone back because even though I know what she is doing is wrong, my love for her makes my mind think that it's not as bad as it is and I keep going back.

How do I prevent myself from accepting this woman back into my life again?

ihatewestseneca · Jan 2, 2008, 10:46 AM

She sounds really immature... Don't contact her at all, you'll start to think logically after a little while and realize that there are plenty of other girls out there who will treat you right.

EuRa · Jan 2, 2008, 10:48 AM

Originally Posted by DazT

my love for her

How do I prevent myself from accepting this woman back into my life again?

LOVE?

How long have you been together? Do you mean lust? How can a girl like this keep this cherade up for years and years (which is how long it normally takes for true feelings of LOVE to build) without you knowing?

My guess is that it's been a few months, right? 6-8 at the most. If that's the case, it's not love. You're confused. And since you're confused, you need time to yourself. You need ALONE time!

You shouldn't have to ask how to prevent a WHORE from coming back into your life. Do you not have any respect for yourself! Wake up now!

Us men, we need to stick together. I rat on you a little, but I think you know that I mean well because that's how men interact. We stick together, we pull through it! You need alone time. I'll suggest the same thing that works for me every time. Write in a journal when you feel like you want to talk to her. Do it, then leave it.

Also, start excercising. Do some . Read a book. Buy a new video game and beat it. SOMETHING! Call your family. Friends. Someone you haven't spoken to in a long time. Hell, even go on craigslist and talk to someone looking for a date. Don't GET ATTACHED, just go out and do something else.

But the best thing you can do, is get to know yourself. LOVE YOURSELF! The sooner you love yourself, the better off you will be. You will change some (hope you aren't scared of that), but then you will love your NEW self even more, because it fits you so well! Then you will notice that you want to date a different type of girl. And you'll look back at this whore and wonder... " why did i do that to myself?"

Good Luck Sir!

DazT · Jan 2, 2008, 10:53 AM

No, no.. We used to be boyfriend/girlfriend for two years.. then we split and got back together, deciding on an open relationship.

I know, she is a whore. If she wasn't, she would take me back exclusively and forget the other boys. And she is making me look like an idiot to all my friends and hers.

EuRa · Jan 2, 2008, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by DazT

No, no.. we used to be boyfriend/girlfriend for two years.. then we split and got back together, deciding on an open relationship.

I know, she is a whore. If she wasn't, she would take me back exclusively and forget the other boys. And she is making me look like an idiot to all my friends and hers.

Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Well if that's the case, then yeah there is no hope for this one. You may have feelings for her and all that, which is perfectly normal, but she's always going to do this to you, because she's selfish and immature. She may change tomorrow, she may NEVER change (usually they never do), so you really need help to get out.

FRIENDS AND FAMILY! Those are your 2 best natural resources. Call them now and call them often. Alone time is what you need. Keep coming to these forums if you need help bro, we're here for you!

DazT · Jan 2, 2008, 11:20 AM

There is no hope, I've went back to her hoping things would be better... they're better for a while and then something else pisses me off. When I'm with her, I'm happy for the short term. But I know if I'm without her, I'll be sad and pissed off for a while but in the long run it is better for me.

EuRa · Jan 2, 2008, 11:25 AM

You know what the good news is? You aren't the only man on this planet to have this problem. I was with this girl for 8 months. I knew she was cheating on me here and there, but I didn't care. The problem was that I stuck around for the EZ lays.

Then, after a while, I started to develop feelings. DEEP EMOTIONAL ones! I had to get out, and our relationship ended in such a horrible way that I'll probably be scarred for life. I did it to myself.

Now I see you and it's sort of a reflection of me, but with even more involved emotions. If you can get out now, you'll be better off tomorrow. It's not easy, breaking up never is. But there's so many men out there who have been in your shoes, so I hope you don't feel like you are alone.

DazT · Jan 2, 2008, 11:27 AM

Yeah, but that was worse for you in ways.. you were exclusive and she was cheating on you. We are in an open relationship, the difference is.. I don't want any other women but she's going out and seeing other men.

It's not easy but we've broken up before so I believe this time will be easier, if I stick it out.

EuRa · Jan 2, 2008, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by DazT

Yeah, but that was worse for you in ways.. you were exclusive and she was cheating on you. We are in an open relationship, the difference is.. I don't want any other women but she's going out and seeing other men.

It's not easy but we've broken up before so I believe this time will be easier, if I stick it out.

If you want to put yourself through that torture... then go ahead. That's like saying "yeah... i've stabbed myself with a knife before... but this time it will be easier because im used to the pain".

You are free to do what you want. Good judgment comes from bad experience. Perhaps you need more of it. Usually you physically need to feel bad a million times about something before you fully understand for yourself what to do and how to get by.

DazT · Jan 2, 2008, 11:35 AM

No, no.. I mean, it'll be easier to stay no contact this time and get over her, because I've been through it before..

DazT · Feb 7, 2008, 05:04 PM

Me and my girlfriend were going out 2 years but recently she has wanted to have an open relationship. I agreed and we did that, however, both of us were unhappy doing this so we got back into an exclusive relationship. That only lasted 2 months and then she decided that she would rather have an open relationship again as she does not want to be "weighed down" at her age (16). I said that we were not happy in an open relationship and nothing will be different so I ended it with her and she agreed. This was on Saturday night.

(I had booked concert tickets for her for Valentines Day). She sent me a message on Sunday night saying "I'm not going to the concert, so you can get rid of the tickets".. I never replied.. Hadn't heard from her since Sunday night but on Wednesday night she text me a message saying, "Are you happy like this??", I replied, "It's better than an open thing" she then text back, "Ok". I never text her back but then she texted me again saying, "Good night, I love you".

Then I checked her Myspace last night and find out she has flirted with EVERY boy I don't like, chatting them up.. But she also has pictures of us together up.. and quotes such as " I have loved you forever" and "I fall asleep crying listening to songs that remind me of you"..

Today she text me to ring her, I never replied.

This girl was everything to me, but I feel I'm better off without her?

I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose her.. but I definitely don't want an open relationship. Should I just keep N/C until she decides she wants an exclusive relationship?

talaniman · Feb 7, 2008, 05:34 PM

You have done what your supposed to do. Leave her alone, as she may agree to what you want, but still do her thing when your not around. You would never know would you?

JBeaucaire · Feb 7, 2008, 05:38 PM

Sounds to me like you know exactly what you don't want, and she is it. Your mind is saving you now when your heart would let you down. Good for you for listening to your own conscience and following it.

I won't put her down, but read what you wrote about her as if you hadn't written it. Is this girl worth even fretting about? 16 years old and already trying to get you to give up your morals to suit her. Oh my goodness. Imagine her at 20!

I'm so happy for you, some boys will let their "like" for a girl make them stupid, and they pay stupid tax for it for a loooong time... usually until the girl drops them and their left with nothing. You're getting out and on to your next great girl.

Awesome.

Ignore those texts, don't read her myspace, at this point it is all just her hurting you, and you've already decided she can't anymore, right?

DazT · Feb 8, 2008, 07:38 PM

Thanks for the advice...

Anymore?

LUK3Y · Feb 9, 2008, 07:20 AM

Yes as JBeaucaire said, DO NOT look at her MySpace whatever you do... this will only scramble your mind. Stick too your guns with what you have decided, and that is a proper relationship... OR NOTHING AT ALL! If you turn back now I feel things will smooth out but it will repeat back to what it was. What you need to do is stay strong with what YOU WANT in YOUR LIFE, always put that first. Once she sees she will realise how serious you are about it. Her text messages are a test to see how strong you are about the whole thing in general. You never know after time she may realise that you won't break from your decision, and she may follow.