[sully123]

My boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago, we are both in our fifties. We have dated over two years. HE lost his mom two years ago and is selling his house that he can't afford the mortgage. Over the past year he has been withdrawn and emotinally unavailiable, he use to come see me all the time, and now we were just seeing each other on the weekends. He has changed and this has caused a problem in our relationship over the year. He isn't as affectionate as he use to be. He says he wants to be alone and not in a relationship and he can't give me what I want. He say its not much, your simple and I more simpler. He use to care about everything and my needs and its our discussion every weekend, and its hurting him, but he has changed and I have felt it. So now he has closed all doors and broke up with me. I tried talking to him a week ago, and as he said he can't give me what I want, and ndoesn't know if he can ever give me what I want. I told him I want the old Scott back, and he says you may never find him. He said maybe a week ago he would call me if he was up to it, after I left him but nothing. We have mutual friends and I know he is been going on his boat every weekend with them, his best friend and his wife I work with.. SO how can he even think of me and not know he is hurting me.. I stopped all contact but nothing... He is stubborn, and he knows it.. I have been the one that always caves but I won't do it this time... Help sully 123

[GlindaofOz]

Well do you want him to come back or the Scott that you fell in love with? It sounds as if they are two different people.

Right now you are only going on one week of no contact so of course its going to be tough. The best thing to do is set goals for yourself with rewards. I personally believe in 60 days no contact after a breakup I think it gives you enough space to allow you to actually see what's going on. I usually set up a reward system for myself like after 2 weeks of no contact I get to go buy shoes after 4 weeks a massage... you get the point. You can do this so many people on here have all said they can't and its too hard but everyone is able to get over the hump and see it from the other side. You can do it too!

[sully123]

Everyone says your ex-boyfriend to give him space and miss you. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but then again its out of sight of mind. If he things he can't give you what you what you want, and you don't ask for much.. what do you do then? It seems like when I told him for the past year what was hurting me he took offense to it. I tried to discuss these things with him and then in turns he thinks I wasn't happy with him. I tried talking to him two weeks after we broke up, I asked him if he missed me and he said no, but I thought about you. Two years is some time to go with someone, and then to shut you out. If you discuss this with him he says its too much for his head, He is stubborn, way too stubborn on certain things, and he knows he is. He told me after our discussion he might call me that week if he was up to it, but then nothing. How can he go from something to nothing. DO I JUST WAIT IT OUT... it hurts... I never thought he would break up with me, I am shocked... After our discussion, two weeks after we broke up, the next day I texted him and asked him if he was ever going to be with me again, and said NOPE... IT JUST SEEMED SO HARSH... I just don't know please help

[s_cianci]

Well, the bottom line is it's over. Not a nice thing but it happens. You broke up for a reason , so that cues you that you weren't right for each other. Move on with your life and pursue other interests. You need to stay away from hm and have no contact with him whatsoever. Not so that he'll come back to you but so that you can move on. By continuing to hang on, even if it's only by a thread, you'll never be able to continue living your life. Forget him and shut him out of your life. That's what you need to do.

[samesame]

Yeah that's pretty harsh. But I've noticed that's the case with many break ups. There is always a harshness there. Maybe it's a repressed bitterness, I'm not sure, but either way it sounds like he has a shield up right now that's making him cold towards you. Is there anything you can do to warm him up? No. That's the sad reality. I'm in your same shoes, only it was a 4 year relationship, and after all the trying to get her back, and begging it only made things worst. From experience... wait. Dig deep down and get self control. Min. 3 Months of no contact, than way out your options. In the meantime he may contact you. Most people will probably tell you just to move on, and this probably is the right advice, however, depending on what was invested and the person involved / personality/circumstances... sometimes (although it seems rarely)…sometimes it could be worth it to try again. BUT YOU MUST DO IT WITH SELF CONTROL, for your own health, and because it depends on his feelings towards you as well. But for now, just take care of yourself and do things for yourself.

[Ash123]

Try this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

If this doesn't work try this: AHHH!!

If that doesn't work ponder this: Someone ALWAYS circles back at least once... may as well be him. Go have fun. Unless he was desperate to get away - he'll be ready to talk one day. It may be about moving on or it may be about getting back but don't worry.

TRUST YOUR GUT.
If you still feel connected for the right reasons he probably does too.
If you all are meant to be it'll work out!
If not, you'll know in a few months...

PS - karma goes to the one who gave the most! So, consider that when pondering your fate.

Hugs A

[sully123]

I am ready to call or see my ex boyfriend and ask him if we can have a second chance. We did talk two weeks ago, it was me going to talk to him after he broke up with me a month ago. Saying he can't give me what I want. I don't want to feel desperate but at times I do feel like that. I thought I would mean more to him than that after 2 1/2 yrs. Of course he changed over the year, but it became my problem, financially and emotinally not available to me. I felt the pain over his change. I thought maybe he would have called me, but he hasn't. We have a couple of mutual friend, a women I work with who thought was my friend, and her husband who works with him. What hurts is this couple has been going on his boat with him every weekend since we broke up, we use to go together. For some reason I think its to get his mind off me. I have broke my communication off with this friend I work with. I don't think she has helped the situation, but I am unable to say a word because her husband works with him. They were friends before I met him and they are the one who introduced both of us together. We use to go out all together on the boat last year and a few times this year. But now since I am broke up with him, they keep him occupied every weekend with him and their daughter and her friends on the boat. I can deal with that, but what is she tellling him about me, maybe nothing, I don't know. But it hurts I thought she was my friend.. Nohting I can do about it, they were friends before me. No email from my boyfriend, no phone call, no text message, when we last talked a couple of weeks ago, he said if he felt up to it , he might call me during that week, but nothing. IT seems like he shuts me out when there is pressure. He is a very respectful man, he does have clincal depression for like twenty years, but you wouldn't know it, just in the winter he seems to get a little withdrawn. I know his house trying to sell it is a big burden on him. BUt in turn he has pushed me aside. I just won't understand how we broke up in one sentence he told me to come over a month ago, and then called me on the phone to tell me he had to pick a part in his car, and we would be doing something later, and I din't have the extra cash to go back over twice, and felt slighted when I was so close to his house, and then I turned around. THen that evening when this all happened I tried to explain, I didn't have the extra cash to go back again, and that I was so close to his house then and he said well you could have came over and then in the same sentence said I AM DONE... that is how we broke up... he thinks I am unhappy with these little things, but I didn't feel he was considering my feelings... I just don't know.. do I try and call him or just hurt inside when I have tried.. does he care or doesn't he... so upset

[Foxy459459]

Girl you deserve someone that is going to be there all the time for you, not end things over something so reduclous. You seem like you have so much to offer someone. Let him be and if he calls then you do the talking and let him know how much he has hurt you. I can only bet that every time he has needed you, you have always been there for him. Don't be so there all the time for him and stop calling him and let him think about what he has done. Maybe he'll call and maybe he won't. But you deserve someone that loves you not someone that is going to hurt you. I know your hurting right now a great deal but time heals all wounds. And things will get better. And if you wondering what's going on so bad then ask his friend what he is thinking and what's going on with him. I hope you get what you want out of everything. Everything will get better just remember that the grass is always greener on the other side... and there is always light at the end of every dark tunnel...

[risingup]

Don't waste anymore time. When someone truly loves you they put the effort in. You are willing to right? That's because you truly love him. Anyone that feels the same about you should be willing to work on things. Keep yourself busy and stay away. Be strong and think about how many years you have lived without him. That might give you some perspective. Good luck

[s_cianci]

Either way you look at it, it's over. I know it's hard but you need to accept that fact and move on. Don't even worry about your mutual acquaintances or anything like that. Go on and live your life for you, without worrying about him or anyone else.

[sully123]

I am feeling kind of down today, as some people know my boyfriend of two yrs broke up with me a month ago. I talked to him a couple of weeks ago. I didn't ever think if would happen to me. He says he can't give me what I want and he knows I don't ask for much. I thought we had got past that. I just wanted his love and attention, as some know he has to sell his house, mortgage is too high, his mom died a couple of yrs ago. He is stubborn, he has been hurt over the past many years ago, just like we all have. I wonder if he will ever call, because too him I am pressure one more added thing to his life. He can't handle pressure like I am.. It was ridicuolous how we broke up, me supposedly suppose to come over and in the same sentence he was done. He things I wasn't happy with him. Everyone says he's not coming back just face it, don't waste your time, that hurts. I have tried real hard not calling him, for the past two weeks, and I haven't. People say give him space to miss you, but sometimes when a person is stubborn they won't give in because they can't handle it. Does he have feelings for me, or am I wasting my time. I do miss him. People say if I call him I am desperate and it will push him away further, but if he cared wouldn't he be thinking of me and trying to get hold of me. Sometimes I think the longer your away from each other is worse, well what is it.. lost and heartbroken... Denise

[Ash123]

Yes, he's thinking about you...

But if it's a specific incident - call after a while... a month or so. And tackle it...

If, like most break-ups though it is a final fissure... and a need for space. GIVE SPACE - for at least 90 days...

[Haplo]

It does give them space to miss you. You also have to use the time to work on yourself. Every relationship is a two way street and you made mistakes too. This is a good time to try to get an idea of what those were and learn ways to correct them.

A friend of mine once told me that in a situation like this, the ones that left spend a lot of time consciously not thinking about you... which means they think a lot about not thinking about you (which means they're thinking about you)

[Jiser]

Interesting words their haplo lol! I don't forget my fellow class mates or the sites of my holidays over ten years ago. I still remember a childhood book which may have been read once or twice over 15 years ago. Of course your ex will think about you as you will think about them. I have got over people in my past, took a while but I did it. I usually only think about them once a week if that though.

[diya]

It could just be a passing thought for them, but ex's do think about you and you about them. How can you not remember someone you've shared intimate moments with? Those who say they've forgotten, simply fib... no one forgets anyone... the definitions change, u may change but what we call memories.. always remain. It should not matter whether he is thinking of you or not, when the time comes, if he is willing to come back, he will find a way to find you... Patience is the key word... hold on to it.

[mckenzie134]

They never forget how could youu forget they are memories. Especially idf you had some gret moments in the relationship they will remember and going no contact will not make them forget but sometimes even wonder about you more. People thin by contacting they won't forget well by not contacting they will wonder and will thjink of you evenmore. Why they haven't contacted andso fourth ill enter there mind! Recreate some mystery and bringthe passion back and therefore bring your ex back if they are willing...

I still remember my ex from 4 years ago don't think about it all the time and definitely do not want her back but I still remember the times we spent togethe and every now and then something will remind me of the times we spent although she was a psycho hahaha

[sully123]

I have been broken up from my ex boyfriend over a month. I haven't spoke to him in over two weeks, tried to be strong, no texts, no emails, no phone calls. He broke up with me says he can't give me what I want. I am simple, and he is more simpler. He had changed over the year, wasn't emtionally available. I was hurting because he wasn't as affectionate as he use to be and we were only seeing each other on the weekends now. I guess he thought I was nagging him, but I was hurting how he changed. He was under a lot of pressure, having now to sell his house he can't afford from his mom's death two yrs ago. I didn't know I was nagging him. I know he has some things of mine at his house, but I know if he gives them back to my mutual friends, its over, it scares me. A friend told me that doesn't mean anything if he does give them back, people can still go back to their ex boyfriends. My friends husband who is his best friend said to my ex boyfriend I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE, AND MY EX BOYFRIEND SAID NO I AM NOT READY... I AM NOT DONE... I don't know what to believe... I haven't heard from him, nothing no phone call or nothing in two weeks.. I am scared... its so hard I am giving him space... but don't know what to do next or what is going to happen... please help...

[chuff]

You must move on as if it is over. You can't put your life on hold because he wants you to. Tell him or tell your friends to tell him that you want your stuff back and that your moving on.

[s_cianci]

Go on and live your life and do your thing. He may or may not come back. If he doesn't, you'll have the option of deciding whether to take him back. Don't structure your life around him as he is largely unavailable at the moment.

[Chery]

I would give him space and let him solve the problems he has on his plate right now.
He probably can't give you what you want right now, just plain and simple as that.
If you do ask for the things from the house it might mean the end, or just that they will not be tossed away when the house is sold. Period. Again, as simple as that.
When you see each other around, be cordial, don't question too much. When he gets himself sorted out he will let you know.

Sometimes good things do come to those who wait.

Good Luck.