[Desertdater]

I've never dated a man with kids... and he has 4! 2 teens and 2 in their 20's... and a grandbaby on the way!

He's been very aggressive (fast) about getting to the next level(s). We have a great time together and we connect on many levels. He asked early on that we date exclusively as he wanted a committed relationship (divorced 5 yrs but was also in a 2 yr relationship and engaged just 3 months before we met). He's already started saying he loves me. This seems too soon for me and I've told him so. He wanted me to meet the kids and his parents right away - and I asked that he hold off on that for a bit. I asked him to slow down but he seems to be in a big hurry to get married.

He keeps saying he's a package deal and I have to be willing to "blend" our time together since he is a very hands-on Dad. We have been dating for 5 months and I've met 2 of the 4. I'm trying to be open to seeing how this goes but having not done this before I'm not sure what the timelines are, or what the rules are.

His kids are older and they won't really care about getting close to me, because they have their own lives and will want to be with their friends, right? If I don't have kids -- can this really work?

He's a loving, caring man, but I think his life is too busy for a committed relationship at this time. I don't have kids, so he is my #1 priority. I seem to be about #5 on his list... after the kids, work, and the ex's issues, sports, working out, etc.

We talk on the phone everyday and we see each other about every other weekend -- the days / times vary. He claims not to be a "planner" so he can't seem to give me his next available date that we can be together. I asked him 7 days ago, when we can see each other next and he can't seem to get an answer to me.

Am I being unreasonable? Or is this just the way it is when you date a man with kids? :confused:

[shygrneyzs]

No, you are not being unreasonable about this guy. You hear warning bells going off and wonder if it is just you. But it is not. He is going way too fast and wanting way too much. You have been only dating five months and he is wanting "another level" and to date "exclusively" already. Yes, I think you are smart in wondering if he is asking for too much right now. Why is he is such a hurry? I get nervous about guys like that. Look for other pieces with him such as control.

You have every right to put the brakes on and say you want to slow down. This is your life and he needs to respect your feelings. If he resorts to making light of that, then you know he is not into the relationship for the right reasons. Since he cannot give you an answer to when he can see you next, his goal of the relationship being "exclulsive" could possibly well be to put you in a situation where he knows he can access you without worrying if you would date others.

While I would most likely continue to date him, I would also most likely continue to explore other options. If you get tied down to this guy now I think there are some real possibilities of problems later on. Not because of his children but he has lots of irons in the fire, so to speak. Maybe you can sit down and talk to him about how you feel. No one wants to be number five on the list.

Take care.

[s_cianci]

I don't think his kids are the real issue here. At their ages you really wouldn't expect that anyway. He seems awfully anxious to rush things with you and that's not a good sign, kids or not. He no doubt loves his family and wants to include you in all of that and that's fine, but he's moving way too fast for only 5 months. Of course he's busy and has limited time to spend with you, which is all the more reason he needs to slow things down and you should as well. You yourself should be limiting the time you spend with him and not talking with him on the phone every day and pushing him for a day for your next date.

[shygrneyzs]

I agree with cianci on limiting your own time you spend with him and not talking on the phone every day. The relationship is going to have to survive within a calm pace or not at all.

[caldwell]

I myself started dating someone with 2 kids... He's a great dad but for someone single without kids it's relly hard to accept. He travels for work and when he's home he needs to see the kids a lot. They are nice children, 5 and 7 but it's very different to feel second to all that.
I was in a 6 year relationship that didn't work for various reasons but I was # 1 always. I was told by friends it's like walking into a movie that is half way over. You usually just pick up the pieces and see what's left. UGH...

I wish you luck.

[irene94]

Dating a man with kids is always a bad idea espesaly that many and teens you don't have 1 you will have his kids are a big factor are you sure you could hanndle bieng like there new mom do you get along with the kids are you prepared

[EN Ken]

Shygrneyz has said it all.

This guy has to take your feelings into account. It's great that he's willing to lead and take action, but part of leading is taking into account how everyone feels about the course of action and he's not doing that.

Personally, I'm wondering if he's looking to fill the role in his life of "Wife" more than he's interested in dating someone. It makes me think that perhaps he never really got over his the ending of the relationship with his wife and is trying cope with it by finding a replacement for her instead of actually healing from it and connecting in a new way with someone.