[kingping]

I still miss my ex, she called me last Tuesday and we had a pretty good conversation. She ended it with saying "Call me sometime". I was just on vacation from Thurs-Sun. Think I should call? Email? Or keep the NC going?

[Wildcat21]

Did you answer?? Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh! Don't answer!! Call her back a few days later - you're a busy guy now.

DO NOT contact her for now. WAIT a couple months. Date.

DO NOT CALL!! DO NOT!! DO NOT!!

E-mail her in 2 months and KEEP IT LIGHT!! "Hey, how's it going? I wanted to make sure you were doing OK? Anyway, take care"

No tough questions after that!! None!! Ok?

[turtlegirl]

Seriously. Don't call for at least a month. I don't know who broke up with who or how long you've been apart, but don't call and stay busy. For now that is the plan.

[Wildcat21]

I am quite sure she left him.

[kingping]

I am quite sure she left him.

Yes - weird thing was she already called just a little over a week after it happened.

[Wildcat21]

They will ABSOLUTELY always do that. Guaranteed. You shouldn't have answered or really even returned the call - you want her to re-gain feelings for you - she would wonder. You WOULD NOT have been acting needy or desperate.

I know it SEEMS like a bad thing not to answer or return a call - but, NOPE - this is how these things work. You can't let her check up on you any time she sees fit.

I know all this sounds weird - but woman DO not think like men. Remember this always - they generally go by their feelings - there is no logic.

By playing hard to get, unavailable, busy, dating others... she just might realize she doesn't have you. You become a challenge again. These aren't games.

BUT, what happened? Were you to available - too nice - too needy?

[kingping]

They will ABSOLUTELY always do that. Guranteed. You shouldn't have answered or really even returned the call - you want her to re-gain feelings for you - she would wonder. You WOULD NOT have been acting needy or desperate.

I know it SEEMS like a bad thing not to answer or return a call - but, NOPE - this is how these things work. You can't let her check up on you any time she sees fit.

I know all this sounds weird - but woman DO not think like men. Remember this always - they generally go by their feelings - there is no logic.

By playing hard to get, unavailable, busy, dating others.....she just might realize she doesn't have you. You become a challenge again. These aren't games.

BUT, what happened? Were you to available - too nice - too needy?

I think I became to available and know longer a challenge. The first few months I did well and had the whole 'do not care attitude'. Then I guess I crashed and burned and I could tell there was less attraction on her part and interest. When she called me I did not act desperate or needy. In fact I laughed pretty much the whole time and sounded normal again like I was during the first part of the relationship. I know she will contact me again at some point and I will keep your advice in my head. Thanks

[Wildcat21]

That's the key - she WANTS mostly the guy when you first met. Get that BACK = 'do not care attitude' - woman love it.

Here is the crux in the matter - as a guy you start getting feelings for her and you mess everything up - we THINK we shuld be so super nice and do everythng for them. Woman HATE that. I think there is some flaw that they feel they can't be themselves and go through ALL their emotions they go through - they feel like they can't be a wench when they want to be. For some reason they are worried the ymight hurt us - which never has happened to me.

WE think that being super is the key to their hearts... nope.

[lickemlolly]

Heh man trust me from someone who is a woman and seen these things happen and even done it a couple of times... if you were good to her then of course she is going to want you back.. I can't get rid of all my fiancés ex girlfriends always sending text messages saying how much they miss him etc.. but they all had moved on so why would they want him now?? to play him sucka again.. be careful.. the girl hurt you once are you sure you want to play with fire?hurt me once shame on you hurt me twice shame on me.

[kingping]

heh man trust me from someone who is a woman and seen these things happen and even done it a couple of times...if you were good to her then of course she is going to want you back.. i can't get rid of all my fiances ex girlfriends always sending text messages saying how much they miss him ect..but they all had moved on so why would they want him now???to play him sucka again..be careful..the girl hurt you once are you sure you want to play with fire?hurt me once shame on you hurt me twice shame on me.

Yup your right, she was a handful let me tell you with baggage to boot. I was just very physically attracted to her.

[Wildcat21]

Well, when he does get her back he is going to know HOW to behave properly.

I DO advise reading EVERY Dating article at:

www.askmen.com - ESPECIALLY DOC LOVE.

Go to www.sosuave.com and read EVERY article.

These websire is great, but a little more mature and serious: www.relationships.blog-city.com - learn about nice guys and jerks. Don't become a jerk, but learn what jerks do to make woman go crazy.

How old was she - what type of baggage if I may ask? I may have some insite.

For the next month you NEED TO WORK ON YOU!! Learn about woman's tests, what causes attraction, how to tease, not to bore, be independent, become a leader, be unavailable sometimes, etc.

[Wildcat21]

He's going to learn not to be so nice. Not play her games. NOT buy her things - especially expensive dinners etc all the time.

YOU NEED to be the prize - NOT HER.

[kingping]

Well, when he does get her back he is going to know HOW to behave properly.

I DO advise reading EVERY Dating article at:

www.askmen.com - ESPECIALLY DOC LOVE.

Go to www.sosuave.com and read EVERY article.

These websire is great, but a little more mature and serious: www.relationships.blog-city.com - learn about nice guys and jerks. Don't become a jerk, but learn what jerks do to make woman go crazy.

How old was she - what type of baggage if I may ask? I may have some insite.

For the next month you NEED TO WORK ON YOU!!!! Learn about woman's tests, what causes attraction, how to tease, not to bore, be independent, become a leader, be unavailable sometimes, etc.

She was 28, I am 24, she had 2 kid's... I really didn't mind though because I fell in love with her. I read a lot of the articles on sosuave.com. Good stuff thanks :)

[Wildcat21]

Hmmmmmmmm - that's interesting, usually a woman with kids enjoys the extra attention.

Was she recently divorced - at least last year, or year and 1/2? - unfortunately it could be a 'rebound' relationship. Divorcées go through these - it takes them 3 or 4 short relationships to get their heads on straight.

See - "I feel in love with her" - kind of bad for business as well - did you share your feelings? Any woman RUNS when you share your feelings too soon.

1. You need to learn to stop being a nice guy.

2.You can NEVER convince a woman to like you - NEVER. You just have to be there, be funny etc.

3. Never look for her approval on anything - YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISIONS. YOU DECIDE WHERE YOU GO FOR DINNER. We guys think we are doing the right thing and asking if we can do something or ask whre SHE wants to go to dinner - you make the decisions!! You're the MAN!!

4. Don't buy her affection - keep gifts and fancy meals few and far between - especially early.

5. Sharing TOO EARLY HOW YOU FEEL - WOMAN HATE THIS!! It repulses them.

6. Learn HOW attraction works in woman. Being a needy-wuss us NOT it. Go to www.doubleyourdating.com - buy the book - get the e-mail.

7. Think it takes money, looks to get woman - NO WAY. It's how you make them FEEL!!

8. Giving away ALL your power to a woman - they HATE that!! Meaning you never make decisions. DOING WHAT EVER THE WOMAN WANTS - STOP THAT!! Doing ALL the favors she asks of you... never.

9. You need to know wha tto do in EVERY situation - ESPECIALLY WOMAN'S TESTS. Woman Will test you to see if you are a Wuss.

[kingping]

Hmmmmmmmm - that's interesting, usually a woman with kids enjoys the extra attention.

Was she recently divorced - at least last year, or year and 1/2? - unfortunately it could be a 'rebound' relationship. Divorcees go through these - it takes them 3 or 4 short relationships to get their heads on straight.

See - "I feel in love with her" - kind of bad for business as well - did you share your feelings? Any woman RUNS when you share your feelings too soon.

1. You need to learn to stop being a a nice guy.

2.You can NEVER convince a woman to like you - NEVER. You just have to be there, be funny etc.

3. Never look for her approval on anything - YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISIONS. YOU DECIDE WHERE YOU GO FOR DINNER. We guys think we are doing the right thing and asking if we can do something or ask whre SHE wants to go to dinner - you make the decisions!!!! You're the MAN!!!!

4. Don't buy her affection - keep gifts and fancy meals few and far between - especially early.

5. Sharing TOO EARLY HOW YOU FEEL - WOMAN HATE THIS!!!! It repulses them.

6. Learn HOW attraction works in woman. Being a needy-wuss us NOT it. Go to www.doubleyourdating.com - buy the book - get the e-mail.

7. Think it takes money, looks to get woman - NO WAY. It's how you make them FEEL!!!!!

8. Giving away ALL your power to a woman - they HATE that!!! Meaning you never make decisions. DOING WHAT EVER THE WOMAN WANTS - STOP THAT!!!! Doing ALL the favors she asks of you....never.

9. You need to know wha tto do in EVERY situation - ESPECIALLY WOMAN'S TESTS. Woman Will test you to see if you are a Wuss.

Yes she was separated for over a year and recently just divorced. I think she had a few short relationships over the last year before me. I shared my feelings more lately. The first few months I didn't. I think I passed her first wuss test and failed the second one.

[Wildcat21]

Well unfortuantely, it defntely was a re-bound relationship. The good news is you could get her back, but you have to be disciplined. It's up to you - give her some space - don't accept the 'friend zone' - I wouldn't even return her calls for a while.

You really need to evict the 'inner wuss' - and then, when you get a chance I na month or two - shoot her a simple e-mail.

The e-mail should be short and simple - "Hey, I wanted to see how you were doing" Maybe ask avout the kids. Keep it very short and simple. No pressure. No dates. See what happens.

She probably will call.

Ask her to MEET for coffee - "to catch up" - keep it light and funny - No tough questions - no relationship questions. This will take time. But you have time.

I also advise dating other woman - maybe she finds out.

Just stay out of her space for a while.

[kingping]

Well unfortuantely, it defntely was a re-bound relationship. The good news is you could get her back, but you have to be disciplined. It's up to you - give her some space - don't accept the 'friend zone' - I wouldn't even return her calls for a while.

You really need to evict the 'inner wuss' - and then, when you get a chance i na month or two - shoot her a simple e-mail.

The e-mail should be short and simple - "Hey, I wanted to see how you were doing" Maybe ask avout the kids. Keep it very short and simple. No presure. No dates. See what happens.

She probably will call.

Ask her to MEET for coffee - "to catch up" - keep it light and funny - No tough questions - no relationship questions. This will take time. But you have time.

I also advise dating other woman - maybe she finds out.

Just stay out of her space for a while.

Yeah I didn't accept the friend zone. Forget that... Thanks for the advice, will keep updated.

[Wildcat21]

Be busy improving yourself and learning to more of the guy who EXTERNALLY doesn't care. You got to learn to hide your cards - no hearts on sleves, woman hate that - all of them.

You're mission is just to be the fun to be with guy - nothing more. You can slowly build that back - IF you follow the rules - and #1 is zero contact.

[kingping]

Be busy improving yourself and learning to more of the guy who EXTERNALLY doesn't care. You gotta learn to hide your cards - no hearts on sleves, woman hate that - all of them.

You're mission is just to be the fun to be with guy - nothing more. You can slowly build that back - IF you follow the rules - and #1 is zero contact.

Gotchya thanks.

[Wildcat21]

Sorry to hear that. That happens ALL the time - for some reason they are more comfortable with the guy who treats them like CRAP. The jerks do something to many woman.

AND the crux of the problem is - she'll end up leaving him again for the same freaking reasons.

It probably has something to do with the way she was brought up. Her parents may have been abusive, so she is used to being treated poorly - she doesn't have to worry about NOT hurting his feelings because he is a jerk and it doesn't matter. You - being the 'good guy' - she has to worry about ALWAYS being nice.

If this is the case leave her aloen for now. She doesn't deserve to be a part of your life and you don't need to be in the 'Friend Zone'.

It great to treat a woman well - going forward - just remember to be a little less available - don't call all the time - MAKE Decisions - no -kissing - make her laugh - no nee0dy-clingy, be independent, do other things in life - break a date - don't always be there. SAY NO sometimes!!