[moosepf]

My girlfriend, after 7 months, just admitted to me that she once kissed a guy on the lips at the very beginning of our relationship. She tells me it meant nothing and not another thing happened. Can we get back together after she did that to me? I love her by the way, but would it be healthy? And how exactly can we work things back out again?

[saraispiel19]

Yes you cαn work things out αs long αs she knows she broke your trust--you cαn't just let it slide but αlso don't condemn her αnd constαntly shun her for her mistαke... hmm.. mαke your point:
"why did you wαit αll this time to tell me?--this hurts to know thαt you went behind my bαck αnd kissed some guy-- i'm not even sure if your telling me the truth αbout kissing only one guy, i'm not cαlling you α liαr but you did breαk my trust...etc."

However you cαn move pαst this just be more cαutious αnd be αwαre of whαt she's doing-- don't be α pαrole officer either-- jeeze this is confusing.. just try not to jump to conclusions when she sαys she went out with α friend.. usuαlly α rαised eyebrow does the trick---don't bring it up either.

If this little "oopsies" hαppens αgαin or the story line chαnges α few weeks αheαd [like kissing leαds to groping] then you know she's α liαr αnd she's prob. Done more...

I've been in your position so good luck to yα buddy<3

[p_rich91]

The fact that she admitted it to you now rather than you finding out and confronting her with it means she felt bad about it and wanted you to know. I think that is an important first step. Of course you can work things out as long as you are both willing to trust again and that neither of you break that trust again. Of course if you suspect something or just cannot trust her anymore, then it may be too hard to continue in a relationship where you're always questioning her loyalty.

[jrb252000]

She came clean to you I would give it another chance. You can still build a trusting relationship from this but it depends how long it takes for you to accept it. If you can let it pass and be okay with it then contiue on. If you can't seem to move past it give it time and if you still don't feel okay about it then leave.

[Skell]

I think so. It was only kiss and it was only at the beginning of the relationship. Doesn't make it right but if you love her is it worth letting her go.

If you don't think you can ever trust her again though then I would say you have no option but to let her go because it will never work without trust.

She made a mistake but she was gutsy enough to admit to it. Whether you are up for forgiving her is your choice. But once you do forgive her the issue must be dead and buried. No more bringing it up or using it against her.

I think the ball is in your court and you need to decide for yourself whether you want to let it go, or dwell on the past. I know what id be doing.

[moosepf]

OK thanks for the help, but what if the trust has been broken before by her lying about her past, I mean before I met her, but she did come clean about those things... only after being pressured by me. I'm just having so many problems with this trust, but I love her so, and I love being with her and around her.

[jrb252000]

Tell her no more lying or you will leave her. Tell her you wiped the slate clean but will not allow history to repeat itself.

[SpawnOfAzazel]

Your relationship is 7 months old, and she did this at the very beginning of your relationship. That is now in the past, and trust is something to be earned during a relationship, not a given when it starts. Just ask her if there is anything else she needs to fess up to and give her a chance to do so. Then just get over it. Accept it and move forward, or don't accept it and move on.

[jasonpeace]

U should be glad that she admitted it to you.
At least she felt that was bad!

[Skell]

Why are you so keen to know everything about her past. Frankly it almost sounds as if you are possessive and jealous. What she got up to before she met you is her business and you shouldn't push her to find out. If she wants to tell you she will. If not get over it and get on with living in the now, as tal would say.

Are you possessive and jealous?

[ampersandra]

I think you should be more grateful that she's finally admitted this to you. For 7 months, she's been feeling guilty about her actions. If she didn't feel guilty, she could have just casually told you what happened and added "So what?" It takes a good deal of confidence that the relationship will remain stable before someone is willing to take the risk of confessing something like this. She told you now because she feels the relationship is going well and that she's developing a much deeper trust in you. That's not to say she didn't trust you at first, but relationships are like a path. This was her attempt at pushing forward even further.

[saraispiel19]

Okαy -- yes she αdmitted it-- however could hαve it been guilt or something else led her to tell moosepf, like; the guy she kissed, α friend she told, or someone thαt sαw her kissing him could hαve wαnted to tell him αnd she just went α step αheαd of them αnd told him in αdvαnce..



it could've been from her heαrt--or it could've been the feαr of getting cαught?...hmmm

[talaniman]

For whatever reason she came clean, and after only 7 months her past is none of your business. You sound like the gestapo interrogating a prisoner. Maybe you have control and insecurity issues that make your actions seem extreme, loosen up and give her a chance and get to know her better.

[mozzila]

I don't know how old are you, 'couse you have to think differently in different age stages, but you should know that you can sort everything out. As for your situation.. that kiss happened on the beginning when she still probably didn't know how she really feels about you two and was confused.. the reason that she haven-t told about the kiss is because she was afraid of your reaction, and still, she decieded to tell you.. you reacted exactly the way she was afraid of.
But on the other side, you should know did she ever do that to any other boyfried before or maybe tricked him even worse.. now that's where you have a problem.. you are already 7 months in a relationship and I believe that kiss meant nothing.. after all she told hasn't she? I mean she could just forget about it and never tell you.. but her consion didn't leave her alone.. all you have to do is talk to her. That's probably the hard part for you, but nothing will sort out by itself.. so, what you'll waiting for.. call her! Goodluck, bye

[s_cianci]

Are you saying that you split up over this? A one-time occurrence is nothing to get worried about. Now if it happens with any degree of regularity, that's something else again. Only you can decide whether you're comfortable with this. Are there other issues involved besides this one thing? I'm inclined to believe that there are. It just seems highly irregular to end a relationship after 7 months over one little kiss that happened at the beginning of your relationship 7 months ago, while she was probably still uncertain of you, and nothing further happened since. I don't think that in and of itself is going to do you any real harm. If there's something else going on, then that may be a different story.

[Grayfox]

There are a few questions that need to be answered, how much of this stuff has been happening? Have you been finding out crap like this all throughout the relationship and is she the type to do it now? Did she tell you herself or did you figure it out or have her thinking you figured it out? Its sometimes difficult to judge whether a person who claims to have changed is fully out of their old mindset... actions speak louder than words but hopefully she's not the type to hide her bad actions and only tell you out of guilt or worry. My advice would be to talk with her about it, find out if there are any other little incidents she wants to add, but only you can be the judge of whether she seems sincere, whether she is different or whether she's likely to do it again...

[saraispiel19]

For whatever reason she came clean, and after only 7 months her past is none of your business. You sound like the gestapo interrogating a prisoner.

Gestαpo? Lol thαnks tαl:p

[TessyO]

Let it go. There is no need to re-hash the past. She admitted her mistake, respect her for telling you and move forward in the relationship if you truly love her.

[Grayfox]

Hey Sara, I think Tal was referring to Moose, not you : )