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rob453 · Jul 31, 2007, 05:32 PM

'm 20, I go to college, will be sophomore next year.very care about good grades and also to make there connections. Currently I commute 30 miles which by train takes 1h-1h 30. I was willing to move out, get on campus housing, in May when it was pretty early. I told my mother about this and also older (30) sister when she was vising us. My father is often away from home because he is truck driver. My sister convinced me to not take additional loan on housing and better to still save next year. So I agreed. But recently she moved in with 2 loud children. Our apartment is small and walls thin. Later a fight stopped and she returned home, but surprisely she recently asked me if I want to get on-campus housing. I think now I got good reason to move out to get better of with college and not get too much distracted by family drama. So I submitted and then received by mail confirmation for waitlist. My mother saw that and now is upset that did not tell. But when I was telling earlier she did not even wanted to hear what pros would outweigh cons along with higher cost of education I feel confident to pay after graduation. I explained her that I want to have good grades and get more involved in campus like community service, fraternity, on-campus job. If I get on-campus job then I can even pay interest while in school. But she does not want to hear that I am simply taking more loan for myself.

But here is the thing... I got to do what I got to do. I am trying to the best I can do with my situation. No one is going to stay up with me and do the overnight cram study sessions for tests... no one is going to help quiz me and review all my work to make sure I am doing the best work possible to turn in. I am going to college for decent education and I feel like my mother is not trusting my choices. In addition I took summer classes and she just today yelled at me that I should have instead have stayed with my last job and work more over summer. But I needed to move on and besides just recently I found new, better job. I have serious consideration and I do not understand why she feels everything is joke. Sure it will cost me more but I am put at higher risk for more stress, worse grades and being isolated if I stay at home. In meantime I wait for on-campus housing decision but what to do with being harassed? Sorry but that is how I feel!

GlindaofOz · Jul 31, 2007, 05:36 PM

Are you the first person to go to college? Are you the youngest child? What is culture?

I'd say all of those things can play a roll in this. My friends parents were Italian and she was the youngest girl and the whole crazy family lived together. She wanted to go live on campus to get some quiet and they would have such fights about it. Her mother was convinced she would become a prostitute (we all found this hilarious). Finally she brought her mom to the dorms and showed her where she would living and showed her all of her friends room and really had a talk with her about how in America parents let their kids go to college and have the full experience.

Maybe you need to tell your mom that its not because you don't love your family and want to be with them but you need to have quiet time to study and get homework done so you keep good grades.

rob453 · Jul 31, 2007, 05:42 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Are you the first person to go to college? Are you the youngest child? What is culture?

I'd say all of those things can play a roll in this. My friends parents were Italian and she was the youngest girl and the whole crazy family lived together. She wanted to go live on campus to get some quiet and they would have such fights about it. Her mother was convinced she would become a prostitute (we all found this hilarious). Finally she brought her mom to the dorms and showed her where she would living and showed her all of her friends room and really had a talk with her about how in America parents let their kids go to college and have the full experience.

Maybe you need to tell your mom that its not because you don't love your family and want to be with them but you need to have quiet time to study and get homework done so you keep good grades.

I told, but she is convinced that I can study at library. But if I stay on campus I will have less wories about getting sleep and have more time studying in library and even involve in study groups, make friends. I simply I do not want to live my life only by school, work and stress. School is most important but I hope you understand what I talk about.

PS. We are from Eastern Europe and my mother does not understand much about this different world. She is not too much into America. For ex If I told that I think private healthcare system should stay dominant because is better over public she would say with some gestures that I am moron. But of course I have right to believe that socialize health care would not solve problem in long term. Quantity is not quality.

GlindaofOz · Jul 31, 2007, 05:45 PM

Yeah I do get it. I couldn't imagine living at home when I went to college.

I would just to explain to her that you want the full college experience. That you want to make friends, join clubs, have a full college life.

I would also say to her something about how you wanting to leave has nothing to do with her or the family that you just want to get out and explore the world. Your mom might be hesitant about it because it seems like the first step away from her.

rob453 · Jul 31, 2007, 06:02 PM

She would then take it that as a form of entertainment and that would definitely speak against my needs to her. She is little bit ascetic and practices Catholic a lot. She always make sure that not only she but whole family, including me go to church. She thinks of atheists people as bad people but in reality not all these people are bad! There are atheists that are even better than very religious people!

GlindaofOz · Jul 31, 2007, 06:04 PM

Well it seems she has drawn a hard line in the sand and this is maybe your first big lesson in adulthood. I would tell her that this is your decision and this is what you want to do and you hope that she understands how you feel and while you respect what she thinks you need to do this for yourself.

Is their church nearby campus - maybe that would help with her knowing that there is a church.

rob453 · Jul 31, 2007, 06:13 PM

Then she gets insulted and says that if I want to every decision about my needs make by myself then I cannot expect from her to receive support in case if I needed help. She wants me to get scared. But I can take care of myself!

GlindaofOz · Jul 31, 2007, 06:16 PM

Well if you can take care of yourself then there are no worries. The only way for you to get what you want in this situation is to stand up for yourself. Plain and simple.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 31, 2007, 06:25 PM

In the end, you are a adult now and you have to do your choice

rob453 · Jul 31, 2007, 06:29 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Well if you can take care of yourself then there are no worries. The only way for you to get what you want in this situation is to stand up for yourself. Plain and simple.

Like the average undergraduate college student. I won't yet that fast get good paying job related to my career until I finish more coursework. Now I can only get simple job. But I hope my plan will simply work out. Anyway how many students can really go to college without loans? Instead pessimistic she should be more optimistic that I''ll finish my degree successfully, find good entry-level job within few months and be able to repay loan and get my own apartment and life! Unfortunately she always has been very pessimistic and that attitude will not change! And of course pessimism is not going help to move on, or help with study. I should get more support to get more tough, not more obstacles forcing me to give up. I am not that kind of person that would easily give up! I prefer to stay calm and move on!