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christy9800 · Jul 31, 2007, 11:18 AM

I've been w/my boyfriend for a year now. He has a 7 yr old and I have a 7 and 9 yr old. We recently moved in w/him just in the past couple of months. He never has said that he loves me. He says he cares a great deal for me and has deep feelings for me. This past weekend, we went away to a B & B Inn to celebrate our 1 yr anniversary (as a couple) and I was hoping to hear it then. He knows how I feel about him and that I love him. He told me Sunday that the reason why he hasn't said it yet is because he feels that he has to fall in love with my children and buy a big house and get married. I think he sees just major commitment if he says it. He says he's working on it. But it's been a year! Should I wait, or give an ultimatum?? Please help!:confused: :(

GlindaofOz · Jul 31, 2007, 11:29 AM

It depends on what you want. If you feel that this guy is worth waiting around for while he gets his mind together and can actually love you then do what you must. However, I feel since you are asking this question that you have your doubts. If you are doubting I wouldn't want you to keep you kid in this situation where they will grow more attached to this guy.

By the way, I don't believe in ultimatums they usually end with the other person walking. You could say to him these are the things I need in this relationship and if he says I'm sorry I'm no capable of doing that then you have to think about your next move.

Canada_Sweety · Jul 31, 2007, 11:37 AM

Giving an ultimatum is a bad idea in this situation. Just wait a bit longer. And I don't entirely see your issue here, I mean... you have a man who wants to have a huge commitment for the long haul and for life. Don't you think that waiting for the words can wait in exchange for a great future?

SAB123 · Jul 31, 2007, 01:12 PM

Do you know if his last relationship was good. He maybe scared to say it do to being hurt last time.

Haplo · Jul 31, 2007, 02:12 PM

Ultimatums suck unless they're used in a truly desperate situation, and even then it's a gamble.

If you love him, wait. Love is supposed to be unconditional... not conditional on him saying words back at you. Actions are much more important anyway and he sounds like he's there and good. Isn't that what's important?

hettie · Jul 31, 2007, 02:23 PM

The fact that he has taken on your kid and exposed his to you should say it all he wouldn't risk exposinging his children to a relationship that wasn't going anywhere I reckon he does love you a great deal you may just have to learn top accept that he may be more of an actions speak louder that word kind of guy.

dcole · Jul 31, 2007, 02:38 PM

I think I'd take the emphasis off the word and look at his actions. Does he act loving to you? Is he a good role model to your children? By constantly bringing up the fact that he has not told you he loves you - you'll make it harder for him to finally say it.

Just love him the way you do and let him know you love him without making a big deal out of it or expecting him to say it back in return. Just hearing it and getting into the habit of hearing you tell him may be enough to break his barrior. And listen to him when he tells you his plans to buy and house and connect with your children - some men are very driven by the 'provider' aspect of masculinity and wants to do things the 'right way' in his own mind. Instead of thinking he's lacking commitment - just tell him those things aren't as important to you and you love him with or without the house. I think he has a good point about your children though. If this man isn't a good match for your kids, I would hesitate to fall deeply in love with him because they should always come first in your life.