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Foxy459459 · Jul 31, 2007, 07:46 AM

So things between be and my boyfriend have been great! And we had problems with his Ex-girlfriend that he has 2 children with, but we got past that I posted a question the other day explaining that situation, and me and him talked about everything, and for the past 2 weeks things have been great. I just spent the week at his house cooking dinner every night have a blast and just plain fun, and then yesterday I left his house in the morning when he left for work before me he gave me a kiss and told me he would see me after work, and when I got home from work I called him and he was acting strang and told me he had things on his mind and that he couldn't see me tonight for dinner. About an hour after that his kids mother called me from HIS HOUSE and told me that I was all this bull- and that he didn't want me and they were getting back together and that he wanted her not me! I told her I wanted to hear it from his mouth not hers. Then like an hour later his finally called me and the only thing that he said was "i can't do this anymore" "Im sorry" that's all I got from him and her talking in the back ground. I am so confused I feel like a ran head first into a brick wall! I know that she is just using the kids against him, because she doesn't want him but she doesn't want him with anyone else. Hes screwing up his kids head with this back and forth because all they do is fight! I love him so much and I don't know what to do. I know I have to cut my loses, but I don't know how to walk away. I just need some closer and he won't even return my phone calls because he is to scared to face me. I just want to know what changed from 3pm until 7pm when she called me because he was talking to me all day while I was at work. Please can someone help me because I am so crushed right now, I don't know what to do...

hettie · Jul 31, 2007, 02:49 PM

Aw babe I really feel for you right now and you were so good to me with youer advice so I hope I can help you I know you must be crushed to bits and I myself can't see what would change in a few hours but I do know how it feel when in a momnent your life is turned upside down and then some I am not sure any advice I giv e you would be helpful as you must still be in a stste of shock it like you siad to me it not easy to walk away from someome you love so much and to be honest anyone saying that you should just walk just doesn't get that. At the moment it is all very raw allow the shock to set in greive fir your lost love and do not be ashamed to contact me or any one for us for a good old cry or moan sorry if I not been much help the only otheadvice would be shoot the git buthey have funny laws about stuff like that sadly lol

I know it easy for me to say he not worhtit and many people will say it but he is worth it to you and that's what matters if other people try to rubbish him you prob still feel duty bound to lea to his defence this is normal don't feel bad

dcole · Jul 31, 2007, 07:57 PM

Well, your lover was finally given the ultimatum and he chose her. It hurts, but read this again and again until you fully comprehend it: HE CHOSE HER. When he was with you he didn't have to deal with his girlfriend knowing about you or the guilt associated with that, but when faced with the truth of your affair he had to make his decision to chose to be with THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN. Try to respect that no matter how much it hurts. Now, move on and live your life and find the man that will bring you happiness. Unless you want to wait for weeks, months, years for him to change his mind you have to stop playing second best. You can do so much better than that! Try to believe that.

Foxy459459 · Aug 13, 2007, 06:35 AM

Joe called me to tell me he misses me, and he wishes he could make me relize why he has to do what he is doing. But I he can't get over the fact of how he misses me. Everything I am so confused by everything. Me and Joe could hold conversations for hours. I don't know what to do. I miss Joe like crazy but I know. Him and her are never going to move forward because she lives in the past all she does is through me in his face and every chance to fight with him she jumps all over it. I don't know what to feel right now I am so numb its not even funny. I just feel like I lost my best friend...

GlindaofOz · Aug 13, 2007, 06:46 AM

If you know its never going to work then its not worth your time. He put you out. He has made his bed and make him lie in it. You are moving on and going through your healing process. I know it hurts but you cannot keep him in your life. You need to give yourself a chance to move on and get over him. You need to give this new guy a chance. You guys are just getting to know one another you never know how it will evolve. Tell Joe that you are sorry he feels this way but that he made his choice and so have you, hang up end of discussion and do not take his calls. Move forward Jen not back.

dcole · Aug 13, 2007, 02:50 PM

Originally Posted by Foxy459459

Joe called me to tell me he misses me, and he wishes he could make me relize why he has to do what he is doing. But i he can't get over the fact of how he misses me. Everything i am so confused by everything. Me and Joe could hold conversations for hours. I dont know what to do. I miss Joe like crazy but i know. Him and her are never going to move forward because she lives in the past all she does is through me in his face and every chance to fight with him she jumps all over it. I dont know what to feel right now i am so numb its not even funny. I just feel like i lost my bestfriend.....

You are doing more to punish yourself here sweetie. If you don't make your decision to move ahead, you're just going to continue spinning your wheels, going nowhere. Joe's phone call to you is mean and cruel (and selfish). If he cared for you, he'd let you go and find your happiness with someone you deserve. You need SPACE and TIME. Things will only get clearer to you with these two things. It is no longer any of your business what is going on in their relationship. The fact that he's sharing that with you proves the lack of strength in his character to respect the woman in his life. This includes YOU too. Take care.

hettie · Aug 18, 2007, 06:49 AM

Hi foxy yeah the no contact bit is hard VERY in fact this week I haven'teven seen ex in passing and I am finding if sooo difficult to deal with this is rather pathetic considering we split 19 weeks ago < who's counting>, but all I can say is hopefully it gets easier we are all here for you and take your time to get over it don't rush it althugh I don't recommend taking as long as my sorry has eith you can not put a time limit on dealing with something like this. Like I said before allow yourself time to greive for what you have lost, there is no point trynig to focus on the bad times as I feel that then only makes u remember the good times even more and certainly made me feel worse.You will find something that helps you soon< if u do could u tell me lol> Keep your chin up doll and take care you know where we are if u need us

yamotnako · Aug 18, 2007, 09:05 AM

If I were you I'd take a step back and let them clear things between them... I'm not saying that because my situation is close to the other woman involve... my ex and I got into fights but due to ranging hormones ( pregnant)... and of course jealousy... he cheated on me with another woman and dumped me for her... I didn't try or use my baby to get him back... I don't care if they are together... I just don't want her around my baby during visitation. But you on the other hand have a diff story... so if he really loves you... let him deal with her first so she can be calmed down.

Foxy459459 · Aug 18, 2007, 01:40 PM

But the problem is, is that she is never going to be OK with me or my son going around her children. She just needs to realize that, that's life. People have step children and step parents. How are eaither one of them going to be able to move on with there lifes if they can only have a relationship during the week or just on the weekends? It doesn't work like that? I couldn't work like that... Its either they want to move on from each other and stop stinging me along or stay together and work there out. And she needs to stop being so mean and start being little bit more friendly!

talaniman · Aug 20, 2007, 06:28 AM

Too bad we can't control other people, not even for their own good. I do feel the frustration though, and only can hope you leave those confused people alone and find your own happiness as you are to deep in there BS. Until they solve their own problems, you will be caught up in a chaos you don't deserve. Get away and stay away.

GlindaofOz · Aug 20, 2007, 06:39 AM

What I think you are missing here is that if she is willing to be in your way then she will always be in your way in this relationship. If she does not approve of you or your child around her children then there is no way the relationship will work. She is the mother of those kids she does have a say in who raises her kids.

Why are you throwing yourself back in this mess? Why are you walking back into a situation that you know is just going to be a hard fight every step of the way? Jen you do not have to earn love or a relationship. Love is not supposed to be hard. It's not. Please remember this. The situation you are in now is hard and when someone is trying to block you from a relationship that means move on not break through the blockade.

yamotnako · Aug 20, 2007, 06:45 AM

People have step children and step parents... but if she makes trouble you don't want to be in her way... I didn't want the other woman to be around my baby not because I hate her... but because I saw how she handles her kids.. and even her best friend agrees with me that she's not a good mom.. and my baby could be hurt by her kids because she doesn't pay attention. Anyway... back to u... since he couldn't make up his mind... why don't you just move on?