[talaniman]

charley-ben disagrees: wat is that crap ???

Willing to bet you were in that didn't see it coming category, which explains the bitterness of your posts. Think on it.

[charley-ben]

I believe that love can die... I'm not going to lie to you love... if h's anything like my x... then yh loves died... becoz if HE REALLY loved you that MUCH do you really think he would have done this?
did e leave u 4 sum 1 else like mine?
w.b x

[MissingHim2Much]

Hi you

Ok does anyone have any good dating advice? I honestly don't know how to date. The last time I dated I was 16 and I married that guy. Was married for 17 yrs then divorced. Almost immediately after that I hooked up with my ex that you've all heard me crying over for the past few weeks. I didn't meet him in a dating kind of way either. He basically walked into my living room and suggested we go out. Soon after that he moved in and that was 7 years ago. Now I'm dumped while he's dating the bimbo he left me for and I'm left without any social skills. I'm not so sure bars are the best place to meet guys. Alcohol and clear headed thinking don't seem to mix. The hang out options aren't to plentyful where I live so basically I'm looking for suggestions. I'm kind of a homebody. My ex and I were cuddle on the couch watching TV kind of people. So any advice would be great. I'm not sure I'm far enough into my recovery to date just yet but hey what's good for the dumper is good for the dumpee. Am I right?

[MissingHim2Much]

search in google

Wow I Google just about everything. I had no idea you could Google a date.

[diya]

Give yourself time... u shouldn't even be thinking about it too much... honestly, what you need is a fresh breath of air... take time off to yourself and zoom off to a holiday all by yourself...

[Dennis777]

Hello

Try joining a group or club of some kind. That way you get to meet new people and have something in common with them already.

BUT before you can think about finding another Mr. Right you need to find yourself so take some time to get to know who you are and what you want from life. You are in control and can mold your life in any way you want it to go so relax and enjoy the ride.

Dennis777

[shygrneyzs]

Doing positive things for yourself should be your focus. Right now, dating is not the focus as much as "finding" yourself. You can do that in many ways. Get involved with your community by volunteering, taking a class, working out, start going to church, see if there is a group in your area called, "Beginning Experiences" (a group for divorced people), develop a hobby, talk to a counselor about what you are going through, etc.

For some ideas on what to do after a break-up, see the following thread on just that:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html

The idea is not to concentrate on dating but concentrate on your own emotional and physical well being. Good luck.

[MissingHim2Much]

Thanks everyone,

I know I'm not ready to date yet. I just figured it worked for him. He seems to have forgotten the past 7 years by hooking up so soon so I thought it would make me forget about him just as fast. But hey that only works for those that have no HEART. Am I right?

[Suelle383]

MissingHim2Much - I've been trying to casually date (you know the whole situation with my ex).. while it did help keep me busy, the one thing that always would happen, especially if it was a bad date, is that I would get home and think about how much more I missed my ex. So really, its probably a better idea to wait until you're really ready. Everyone I went out with I compared to my ex and it generally just made me miss him more. Now, I've tried to just focus more on hanging out with my girlfriends than looking for a replacement boyfriend.

[MissingHim2Much]

The final stab to my heart. My ex just called my son to say he wants to get the utilitlies out of his name because he's getting a place and moving out of his parents house. I know he's moving in with her. He didn't say so but I know he is. It couldn't be anymore final than that. Anyway even if he isn't moving in with her it's clear he isn't coming back, EVER! And yes I already know that I shouldn't want him back but that shread of hope that he would see the era of his ways kind of kept me sane somehow. Wow less then 6 weeks and I've been replaced like I meant nothing. What is that? Who does that? My brain is scrambled and I can't comprehend what some people can do to the ones they claimed to love more than anything in the world just days before he walks away. Is he even HUMAN?

[Suelle383]

He's an as*. Don't worry about the other girl. There's NO WAY that's going to work out. You can't jump from a 7 year relationship into another serious relationship that quickly. And besides, in a couple of months I guarantee you he's going to be miserable! My friend's husbad did the same thing. Left her for his mistress and within 2 months, he realized how good he had had it, and came crawling back to my friend because he was miserable with the new girl. My friend of course told him to get lost! Its been 2 years, and he's still with this other girl and STILL calls my friend telling her how miserable he is and what a huge mistake he made...

[MissingHim2Much]

He's an as*. Don't worry about the other girl. There's NO WAY that's going to work out. You can't jump from a 7 year relationship into another serious relationship that quickly. And besides, in a couple of months I guarantee you he's going to be miserable!! My friend's husbad did the same exact thing. Left her for his mistress and within 2 months, he realized how good he had had it, and came crawling back to my friend because he was miserable with the new girl. My friend ofcourse told him to get lost! Its been 2 years, and he's still with this other girl and STILL calls my friend telling her how miserable he is and what a huge mistake he made....

Thank Suelle,

God this hurts so f'n bad I can't hardly see to type because I'm tearing up. Better to have loved and lost my @$$. I would take never to have loved and never felt this pain. It's unbareable sometimes.

[Wondergirl]

You will be a lousy date right now, so don't go there. Better would be to find social outlets, such as joining a church, taking a class at a community college or park district, joining a bowling league, getting into a reading discussion group at your library, doing volunteer work at an animal shelter (lots of unconditional love there) or nursing home or library or school. Get yourself healed first. You find yourself when you lose yourself in service to others. Don't date until you are a fun person again who is looking to the future instead of moaning over the past.

[x2scorp]

Sounds horrible.. but honey in the long run it is best. Sounds like he doesn't care about your feelings and doesn't respect you. Its going to be hard but keep your chin up. Everyday gets a little easier. Trust me!

Good luck,
Mel

[Stringer]

The final stab to my heart. My ex just called my son to say he wants to get the utilitlies out of his name because he's getting a place and moving out of his parents house. I know he's moving in with her. He didn't say so but I know he is. It couldn't be anymore final than that. Anyway even if he isn't moving in with her it's clear he isn't coming back, EVER! And yes i already know that I shouldn't want him back but that shread of hope that he would see the era of his ways kinda kept me sane somehow. Wow less then 6 weeks and I've been replaced like I meant nothing. What is that? Who does that? My brain is scrambled and I can't comprehend what some people can do to the ones they claimed to love more than anything in the world just days before he walks away. Is he even HUMAN?

Almost everyone that has ever been in a serious relationship has gone through something like this. Most survive to go on with their lives and become a better person by learning more about themselves, yes there is something to learn from it.

I sympathize, because after 18 years of marriage and two lovely children my wife announced that she "thought" that she loved someone else and was leaving.

This announcement left me devastated; my father had left when I was five and I didn't want my children to have to go through some of the things I did while growing up, and yes I loved her very much at the time.

Sometimes someone comes along at the very moment you need them the most. This person knew what I was going through (no there wasn't a relationship OR anything between her and me).

But she said something to me that helped me see that life goes on and made the pain a little better. What she told me made more sense as time went by;

"People have to be true to themselves and make decisions on how they feel and what they think is best. Believe me or not, someday you will even forgive her."

She also said; "When a person makes a decision to do something like this they have taken the time to prepare themselves for it, you were not prepared. You will have to go through the pain now but it will last only for so long, you didn't make the decision to leave; she did and she will have to live with it.

She is strong in her decision now BUT years will pass and believe me she will be asking herself over and over again; did I make the right decision. The responsibility for the decision was hers and she will ask herself if it was the right one."

I dated for the next eighteen years and until my lovely new wife (remarried five years ago) came along I really believed that I wouldn't again fall in love deeply enough to want to give my heart and trust to another woman completely. There were many "dates" during
This period but when I asked myself; is this the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, I convinced myself she wasn't. I found everything I ever needed or wanted in life when I was introduced to my present wife and things are better than I ever expected or deserve.

Sorry I carried on so much but I wanted you to know that there IS love and happiness that can be found if you look for it and you are ready. It took me a little longer than most but I am very happy now.

About a year after the divorce my ex-wife and I were talking on the phone (by the way my children stayed with me) and out of the blue she said; "I want you to know that you were a good father and a good husband." At that point I was able to completely let go of all the negative emotions I had bottled up inside me. I didn't say it to her and she wouldn't need it anyway but I was able to forgive her.

It's funny how my ex-wife's simple acknowledgment meant so much to me.

[penelope pitstop]

Just got another stab to my heart to.Daughter just told me my ex going to be moving in with is "New family" as he likes to call them! He replaced me 4 months after coming out of a relationship of 24years an he's been with her for 20months now.16 of those 20months he would still come round and try and seduce me ,and like a fool I would give in.final straw that made me realise that I needed to get some self respect is when he slept with me the day before he took his girlfriend on a weeks holiday! by doing what I did I no I've hindered my recovery and that's why istill feel pain 2 years on.missinghim2much I feel that unbearable pain to,just want to move on and be happy.hopefully time will help us do that, xx

[MissingHim2Much]

I think everyone knows my story by now but I had a question about my ex's behavior. We had a long stable relationship and were very close. The break was sudden and of course I called a couple of times that first few days after he left. He was civil to me and even said we had a strong bond and I was his best friend. Its been 6 weeks since I went no contact and since then he seems to hate me. He had offered in the beginning to help me finacially but after a week refused to give me any help. When he has something to say to me he doesn't call me directly he calls my son. He did leave me for someone else so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the fact that he is so cold to me now. How or why do you think he went from saying I was his best friend to this hateful cold person that won't even talk to me directly?

[talaniman]

He may not be as mature as you gave him credit for and is trying to cut ties with you and move on with his own life. Don't worry about why he does what he does as only he can know for sure. Leave this alone.

[talaniman]

As I've expressed in other posts, you need to stop obsessing with everything he does, as he is obviously cutting ties with you.

[Treeny]

I agree with the above, he is prob getting grief from the other women and is trying now to cut ties. Try to Move on and do something new for yourself.