[DJ1963]

What the heck is with this guy?

I'm really wondering if he is living out some sort of "young guy acts self destructive" phase or something. It just seems weird that he was content in a stable, healthy relationship only to slip into some insane relationship with a sketchy chick. I totally get why this bugs you it seems so out of step of who he was when he was with you.

I totally agree with GlindaofOz I think it's deeper then he just wanted out of your relationship. It's almost like something is severely wrong in his head.

[MissingHim2Much]

What the heck is with this guy?

I'm really wondering if he is living out some sort of "young guy acts self destructive" phase or something. It just seems weird that he was content in a stable, healthy relationship only to slip into some insane relationship with a sketchy chick. I totally get why this bugs you it seems so out of step of who he was when he was with you.

I know Glinda that's my question " what the heck is with this guy?" It does really bug me because I just don't get it. I know I need to move on and I am but sometimes when the breakup is as bizarre as this one the questions seem to haunt you night and day. A lot of people on here don't think that our relationship was as stable and content as I think it was but I think after 7 years with someone you kind of get a feel for how that person is feeling and acting. He was always very attentive to my needs and my happiness and then he was just gone to live this crazy destructive life and I can't make sense of it. I do know that I probably never will but I just don't know how to get it out of my mind.

[biggsie]

I really don't think this is anything new but my grandfather left my grandmother
With a family to raise, and moved to a different state and remarried... His
Name was never spoken and my grandmother really hated him... Only finding this
Out when one of my cousins named her son JOHN -- oops not a good name!!

I worked with a man who seemed perfectly happy with his life, we were real close
Friends... We had an arrangement where I paid him for a ride to work, and talked
On the way to and from work about 15 miles round trip...

He was friendly with a gal at work but nothing was ever said until her and her
Husband split up... Things were pretty hostile for a while but seemed to settle down...
I was really shocked to find out he had moved out and living with this gal...
Not knowing what happened I called to talk to him, only to have his wife drop the
Bomb on me... I was shocked!!

Just thought he could have given me a clue??

[GlindaofOz]

I know Glinda thats my question " what the heck is with this guy?" It does really bug me because I just don't get it. I know I need to move on and I am but sometimes when the breakup is as bizarre as this one the questions seem to haunt you night and day. Alot of people on here don't think that our relationship was as stable and content as I think it was but I think after 7 years with someone you kinda get a feel for how that person is feeling and acting. He was always very attentive to my needs and my happiness and then he was just gone to live this crazy distructive life and I can't make sense of it. I do know that I probably never will but I just don't know how to get it out of my mind.

I really have to wonder if something is going on with him psychologically. This behavior is just so bizarre. If I was in your shoes I know I would just be thunking myself on the head all day long going "WHAT IS THIS BIZARRO WORLD???".

It was your relationship if you say it was happy and stable then I think we all have to go on that. You lived it we didn't. None of us was there. Though clearly he is not as happy as stable as you thought he was. Are you friendly with anyone close to him, what do those people think about what's going on with him? Is anyone else as concerned as you?

[MissingHim2Much]

I really have to wonder if something is going on with him psychologically. This behavior is just so bizarre. If I was in your shoes I know I would just be thunking myself on the head all day long going "WHAT IS THIS BIZARRO WORLD???".

It was your relationship if you say it was happy and stable then I think we all have to go on that. You lived it we didn't. none of us was there. Though clearly he is not as happy as stable as you thought he was. Are you friendly with anyone close to him, what do those people think about whats going on with him? Is anyone else as concerned as you?

Glinda finally someone on here that thinks like I do about all this. I have to agree that it seems as if something is psychologially wrong with him. As far as being friendly with anyone close to him, well they all think the same thing as I do. They think he's lost his mind and can't comprehend why he just up and left like he did. None of them are even speaking to him now. All his previous friends don't have anything to do with him now. As far as his family is concerned I haven't talked to any of them. I figured N/C included them as well. But I can bet money that they have no clue about this girls life and all the trouble she's been in both past and present. He would never tell his good Christian parents about her.

[GlindaofOz]

Well thank goodness others see what a total flip he has done that must give you some peace to know its not "all in your head" or anything.

Who the heck knows what's going on with him. He clearly thinks behaving this way and carrying on with this girl is worth more then maintaining all of the his other relationships.

I think that we could all sit here all day long trying to figure out what his problem is and that will get you nowhere. I think you just have to accept that he is not healthy and its for the best that he is no longer in your life

[MissingHim2Much]

Well thank goodness others see what a total flip he has done that must give you some peace to know its not "all in your head" or anything.

Who the heck knows whats going on with him. He clearly thinks behaving this way and carrying on with this girl is worth more then maintaining all of the his other relationships.

I think that we could all sit here all day long trying to figure out what his problem is and that will get you nowhere. I think you just have to accept that he is not healthy and its for the best that he is no longer in your life

Thanks Glinda,

He has definitely burned all his bridges. I can't wait to hear his reasons if and when he ever realizes what he's done. Not only to me but to everyone that cared about him. Oh well what can you do. My goal is to move on and accept all of this and I know I've made some progress. At least I'm not ready to take him back if he wanted to. A few weeks ago I would've taken him back no questions asked. NOT ANYMORE!!

[clearlydissapointed]

Missing, I am so sorry for your pain. My story is similar to yours but not quite as dramatic. Your poor heart seems to take another blow everyday. I just can't see how someone can go from a happy life to a crazy one and then expect to be happy. I think he will soon realise he isn't happy with her. She is his rebound and that never works out.

[statictable]

"She was like one of the family and we had to put her to sleep because she couldn't walk anymore. He went into the room with her while the vet put her down and he held her while she was dying. He was a mess about that for along time. He also resently found out his mother is dying of parkinsons disease and cryed on my shoulder many times about this."

Loss we understand but our reactions to it can be very profound. The loss of a long time friend (canine friend) can be more devastating than the loss of a parent, sib. Or other human but is shorter lived.

Loss renewed (mother) more devatation and maybe this person finds comfort in retreating from the one he loves most (you.) You are part of his world which was turned upside down and to be at peace he has removed himself from any memories or familiarities with loss by hiding from you. In time he should be able to deal with the memories and no longer need to hide from you.

Any guilt associated with his present behavior will have to delt with by both of you and I hope he's not going to play hide-and-go-seek again. Best wishes to you and remember you will grow and survive.

[MissingHim2Much]

"She was like one of the family and we had to put her to sleep because she couldn't walk anymore. He went into the room with her while the vet put her down and he held her while she was dying. He was a mess about that for along time. He also resently found out his mother is dying of parkinsons disease and cryed on my shoulder many times about this."

Loss we understand but our reactions to it can be very profound. The loss of a long time friend (canine friend) can be more devastating than the loss of a parent, sib. or other human but is shorter lived.

Loss renewed (mother) more devatation and maybe this person finds comfort in retreating from the one he loves most (you.) You are part of his world which was turned upside down and to be at peace he has removed himself from any memories or familiarities with loss by hiding from you. In time he should be able to deal with the memories and no longer need to hide from you.

Any guilt associated with his present behavior will have to delt with by both of you and I hope he's not going to play hide-and-go-seek again. Best wishes to you and remember you will grow and survive.

Thank you statictable, This could very well be the answers I've been looking for. I have thought this entire time that his behavior was completely out of character but couldn't comprehend why he would or could change so drasticly. You are very wise!!

[rol]

<A few weeks ago I would've taken him back no questions asked. NOT ANYMORE!! >

Hi missing,
What an awful situation,
However in some ways this is great... now you will be able to accept it is over, and move on.

[MissingHim2Much]

<A few weeks ago I would've taken him back no questions asked. NOT ANYMORE!!!>

Hi missing,
what an awful situation,
however in some ways this is great...now you will be able to accept it is over, and move on.

Hi rol, I accept its over for about an hour everyday, then its back to thinking he will realize how much he loves me and be back. I know one thing I've accepted, I will never fully get over this for the rest of my life.

[trueblooe]

My story just keeps gettin better. As you all know by now my bf of 7 yrs left me 6 weeks ago for a total HO that he works with. Wait the plot thickens. Now she claims she's pregnant and its his. Ok they've been together not quite 6 weeks and she is miraculously pregnant by him. We were together for 7 yrs and never used birth control. Anyway her best friend so to speak also works with all of them ( my ex, his new gf, and my son ) her friend had told my son about 8-10 weeks ago that she thought that Shannon ( thats the ho's name) was pregnant but wasn't telling anyone. This friend has also had threesomes with her bf and Shannon. I wrote about that on a earlier post. And Shannon lives with her ex bf and says they aren't together they just live together. This is the bf that doesn't know if he's Shannons babys daddy or if its his brothers baby. That baby is 2 I think and she has 3 more children by different fathers, 2 of which live with the fathers because she lost custody of them. This is a true story I swear, you can't make this stuff up. This is what he thought was good enough to leave his relationship, his home, his family and all of his possessions for. He took nothing except for about half of his clothes. Can someone tell me, does this guy have a huge brain tumor effecting his decisions? Do guys just walk away from a stable longterm relationship into a soap opera of baby daddy drama?????

Given the fact that most guys thinnk with the two minor organs of the human anatomy I would dare say YES he is an idiot but lets face it do you really want to be with a guy that is that stupid you don't sound like white tralier trash from middle america babe tidy yourself up get some nice shoes and go out and find yourself a man that will love you for what you are a classy sensible woman

[rol]

<I accept its over for about an hour everyday, then its back to thinking he will realize how much he loves me and be back. I know one thing I've accepted, I will never fully get over this for the rest of my life.>

Hi Missing,
I thought that last year also after my ex left 3 months before our wedding, I really thought I would never ever get over it. I thought at that time he had done some damage to his brain as he completely changed!
It took about a year and I am now over it.

No contact, focusing on myself , meeting lots of new people and doing new things and travelling really really helped.
I have not dated anyone and have just found a happy place alone.

You will be fine Missing but it takes time.

[Ash123]

Ok, brace yourself.

I don't think this was his first affair. I think this is the first woman he up and ran off with though.

Just because you were happy for 7 years doesn't mean he was. He has issues. I see no signs of communication or maturity in his actions.
I know this is a terrible thought, but you might need to consider this as you spend months wondering why he left.
Trust me. He did you a FAVOR... reading all of the details of your life and the life he chose - it sounds not good. PAIN is all you can feel for now. In a few months you will feel a little better and then a little better in a few more months. It's going to take a while. BUT if you go back, it's going to take even longer. WHY did he do it?? It's who he is. You are making him into something he's not right now because of your pain and memories...

[MissingHim2Much]

Ok, brace yourself.

I don't think this was his first affair. I think this is the first woman he up and ran off with though.

Just because you were happy for 7 years doesn't mean he was. He has issues. I see no signs of communication or maturity in his actions.
I know this is a terrible thought, but you might need to consider this as you spend months wondering why he left.
Trust me. He did you a FAVOR....reading all of the details of your life and the life he chose - it sounds not good. PAIN is all you can feel for now. In a few months you will feel a little better and then a little better in a few more months. It's gonna take a while. BUT if you go back, it's gonna take even longer. WHY did he do it??? It's who he is. You are making him into something he's not right now because of your pain and memories....

OUCH!! Ash,

That hurts... I know how you would think that considering who this person sounds like right now but I don't think you know all the aspects of our lives. My sons were his bestfriends and he works with and rode to work with my oldest son. He had lost his drivers license just before we got together for some driving violations so didn't drive to work. He had to come straight home of course because he didn't drive so having an affair after or before work was impossible. He rarely went to bars or clubs but when he did he was with one or both of my sons. My youngest son was his fishing buddy and they went fishing almost every weekend I usually went too. As I've said before we did everything together, grocery shopping, going to the laundry mat etc. etc. We were big time football fans so we watched all the games together and that kind of stuff. He doesn't have a cell phone so sneaking around and texting or talking to someone wasn't happening. We don't have a computer so he couldn't have met someone online ( I use the one at my work to talk to you all ) My youngest son and my ex were very close and would like I said go fishing or stay home and play video games. I say he was happy because he acted happy he was always laughing and joking and never moped around like he was anything but happy. I think it is what it is. A cute girl at work stoked his ego by saying he was wonderful, cute, funny, sexy etc. etc. Most men ( not all men ) but most are ego maniacs and if you are a female that knows how to play the game, Well. ( it worked ) She had also cryed to him about being in an abusive relationship. So with the ego stroking and playing the pity card combination she was able to get his attention and get what she wanted. As my son says. My ex is being her CAPTAIN SAVE A HO! I really don't think it was anymore complicated then that. It hurts like hell that he could be taken in like that but I do think it was just that simple.

[clearlydissapointed]

I agree Missing, It wouldve been pretty hard to cheat when all his time was spent with you and/or your sons. And I think that this girl sought him out and played him like a fiddle. Women are good at that if they see something they want and don't have any morals.

[Ash123]

Umm, so this woman is taking all the blame?

And men will just have a "tumor" and go for "drama" ??

Umm, yes, it happens. But it is not just "men" it is your significant other who didn't propose for 7 years.
I'd say he's kind of run out his welcome... no?

That just isn't the facts. He may be a fun guy to fish with and laugh with but he needs to be held accountable.
IF (and I hope she is) the first. He has made his bed and he must lie in it. If he is "the one" why aren't you married?
Something is wrong here and he did you a favor as far as I can tell.

I DO know that when we are in love we ascribe qualities to people that they may or may not have. It takes WORK to see them with clear eyes. From where I am sitting this just looks like a mess that your child should be shielded from. I just don't see good judgement - and to pin it ALL on the other woman is just not right. It takes two to tango. He was not hypnotized. And if he was, what kind of role model is that weak?

He sure as heck better show some serious character to even be considered for another try. You OWE that to your offspring.
I would cut contact with him for at least two years - and then you can see how he chooses to live his life and see if that is a role model. This is serious stuff and it is getting treated like "Oh, that HO..." He has free will. And so do you.

I am rooting for you to get what you should have: A man who can commit to more than... half his clothes and a new girlfriend.
Take the high road and you may be surprised who comes your way.

PS - As for "never getting over it for the rest of your life..." I believe that life works in mysterious ways - and if we have good karma - it may soon get even BETTER for you. Don't be surprised if you DO get over this - and sooner than you think... not tomorrow. Not next month... But one day...

[MissingHim2Much]

Umm, so this woman is taking all the blame?

And men will just have a "tumor" and go for "drama" ??

Umm, yes, it happens. But it is not just "men" it is your signiciant other who didn't propose for 7 years.
I'd say he's kinda run out his welcome...no?

That just isn't the facts. He may be a fun guy to fish with and laugh with but he needs to be held accountable.
IF (and I hope she is) the first. He has made his bed and he must lie in it. If he is "the one" why aren't you married?
Something is wrong here and he did you a favor as far as I can tell.

I DO know that when we are in love we ascribe qualities to people that they may or may not have. it takes WORK to see them with clear eyes. From where I am sitting this just looks like a mess that your child should be shielded from. I just don't see good judgement - and to pin it ALL on the other woman is just not right. It takes two to tango. He was not hypnotized. And if he was, what kind of role model is that weak?

He sure as heck better show some serious character to even be considered for another try. You OWE that to your offspring.
I would cut contact with him for at least two years - and then you can see how he chooses to live his life and see if that is a role model. This is serious stuff and it is getting treated like "Oh, that HO..." He has free will. And so do you.

I am rooting for you to get what you should have: A man who can commit to more than...half his clothes and a new girlfriend.
Take the high road and you may be surprised who comes your way.

PS - As for "never getting over it for the rest of your life..." I believe that life works in mysterious ways - and if we have good karma - it may soon get even BETTER for you. Don't be surprised if you DO get over this - and sooner than you think....not tomorrow. not next month...But one day....

Hi Ash,

Please don't get me wrong I blame him in every sense of the word. He has absolutely no exuse for the things he has done. And that's why I said in my earlier posts that at first I wouldve taken him back no questions asked BUT NOT ANYMORE!! And I don't think he's even the same person anymore, I was just describing who he was when we were together and how I didn't think he was cheating on me then. I wasn't trying to put all the blame on her alone I just have heard that she was pursuing him for a few weeks before he left and those are some of the things she was heard to of said. And as far as marriage he has purposed to me and I was the one that said no. I was married for 17 years prior to us getting together and I didn't think I ever wanted to get married again. It's probably a good thing I didn't say yes to marriage. As far as commitment while we were together he was nothing but committed. But like I said that was a different person from who he is now. And I said it seemed like he had a brain tumor because he did something so out of character. Even his best friends were shocked and surprised at how he just up and left and left everything he owns behind. My sons are both grown adults and I'm not worried about him being an influence on them. He was a friend to them but definitely not a role model. He does have free will and made his own choices. I have asked friends and family if he seemed to be as good a guy as I thought he was or was I just stupid. They all agreed that they all thought he was a great guy to me, and to them BUT now he isn't someone they would ever want to be around again. I am slowly starting to agree with them. I love him but in time I hope to forget that love and make better choices in the future. I am finally getting to a place where I can say I NEVER WANT HIM BACK! Period.

[Ash123]

You said NO.

There was a reason.

Thank the lord.

You sound like a sane woman with good sense... I GUARANTEE as time goes on, and your pain recedes... you will shake your head and think you are better off...

It is going to take a while, and the sooner you can accept -truly accept the end... you can begin.

I cannot think of a worse thing to go through than you are - you have my support....And I just want you to get to a good place sooner. He may not be the devil, just not husband material for you - Sane One... :-)