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talaniman · Sep 2, 2007, 04:21 PM

You are still hurt, and bitter over your break-up, and would be lousy company until you can heal, and resolve your feelings.

x2scorp · Sep 2, 2007, 06:39 PM

Tell you son not to take the messages and for "the boyfriend" to call you directly. Its not right for "the ex" to involve your son in any of this. Plus, money and friendship is a "no no". It creates more of a problem than resolves one.

Good Luck,
Mel

DJ1963 · Sep 2, 2007, 11:12 PM

I think that this guy feels pretty ashamed and guilty for what he did to you and that's why he's acting like he hates you and won't even call to talk to you directly. Possibly in time he will miss you and want to make up for what he's done and come back around. I highly doubt he will make a go of it with the new girl.

statictable · Sep 2, 2007, 11:38 PM

"How or why do you think he went from saying I was his bestfriend to this hateful cold person that won't even talk to me directly?"

Think back and you should find the answer. From Best... to hateful requires some indications unless he's on drugs. What's missing here? Do you know the "other woman?" What were you doing while he was developing the other relationship? Does he get along with your son? Do you and your son have issues? This will all become very clear, very soon. Best to all.

friend4u178 · Sep 2, 2007, 11:40 PM

Hi Missing :)
I tend to agree with DJ1963 , the guilt thing is the main reason your Ex will not be contacting you , and I think we all construe this to mean they HATE us now. Don't get yourself down with this feeling. But try and remember when you join here, and your sitting, staring at the screen, crying and at the lowest point you think you could ever go. Please know that you will be sitting doing the same thing in a couple of months the only difference will be, you will not be at your lowest point, you will be rising.
Things change, we evolve and life goes on.
There is not one single person in this world worth the exchange of your life and dignity for. Love is a bond, it comes in all shapes and sizes and in the most strange of places. There is not just one person for each of us. There is however just one life we live, no deposit, no return and its very short. Live it and embrace who you are, not what you think someone has made you :-)

DJ1963 · Sep 2, 2007, 11:57 PM

Very sad story sweety, I wish I could say something to help but only time will tell and I do not think his new relationship will last from what I've read in your previous posts he is just keeping himself busy with this girl. She doesn't seem worth a crap so he'll see that soon

MissingHim2Much · Sep 3, 2007, 01:11 AM

Originally Posted by statictable

"How or why do you think he went from saying I was his bestfriend to this hateful cold person that won't even talk to me directly?"

Think back and you should find the answer. From Best... to hateful requires some indications unless he's on drugs. What's missing here? Do you know the "other woman?" What were you doing while he was developing the other relationship? Does he get along with your son? Do you and your son have issues? This will all become very clear, very soon. Best to all.

Do you know the "other woman

?" I don't know her personally but my son works with both of them and he knows her and also my sister know her.

What were you doing while he was developing the other relationship?

I was being his lover, his best friend, his support system and every thing I had always been.

Does he get along with your son?

Well not anymore. But they were good friends for years my ex was my sons bestman in his wedding.

Do you and your son have issues?

No we are very close and that's why he isn't friends with my ex now.

This will all become very clear, very soon.

How??

talaniman · Sep 3, 2007, 07:49 AM

This very young guy broke your heart, and we get that. Realise that you were in different places in your life, and start to let go, and move on. You have a lot to offer, and until you get to the point of accepting what has happened, how can you move on?? He was not ready for the gift you gave him, bottom line, and now he is on his own, AS ARE YOU!!

MissingHim2Much · Sep 3, 2007, 04:35 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

This very young guy broke your heart, and we get that. Realise that you were in different places in your life, and start to let go, and move on. You have a lot to offer, and until you get to the point of accepting what has happened, how can you move on??? He was not ready for the gift you gave him, bottom line, and now he is on his own, AS ARE YOU!!!

Talan believe it or not I do realize more of this to be true than I let on. But the pain of it all just isn't that easily explained away. Only time will make that happen. I think that explaining to others how it feels and being open and honest about the pain and how it effects us is a possitive road to recovery. I do find your advice to be very logical and I do take it to heart I just think questioning what went wrong in a seeming happy relationship is part of the healing process. Is'nt that why were all here?

talaniman · Sep 3, 2007, 05:03 PM

I just think questioning what went wrong in a seeming happy relationship is part of the healing process. Is'nt that why were all here?

Your questions cannot be answered, and will lead to confusion, which will slow down the healing process. You keep the feelings of anger, and betrayal still fresh enough, to affect your emotions and thinking processes. Not a healthy way to deal with those feelings, in my opinion, and we see that a lot here on the forum. Only through acceptance, and some very positive actions on your part, can you help the healing process. Keeping him alive and well in your mind ,is so not going to help. Not to be harsh at all, but just wanting you to see that you are your solution to the problem, not anything he can say, or do.

statictable · Sep 3, 2007, 11:28 PM

First of all your being honest with yourself and you've put some questions on the table in front of us all. Takes a special person and others will learn that about you and will have found a treasure. All good things will come to MH2M.

MissingHim2Much · Sep 7, 2007, 09:57 PM

My story just keeps getting better. As you all know by now my boyfriend of 7 yrs left me 6 weeks ago for a total HO that he works with. Wait the plot thickens. Now she claims she's pregnant and its his. Ok they've been together not quite 6 weeks and she is miraculously pregnant by him. We were together for 7 yrs and never used birth control. Anyway her best friend so to speak also works with all of them ( my ex, his new girlfriend, and my son ) her friend had told my son about 8-10 weeks ago that she thought that Shannon ( that's the ho's name) was pregnant but wasn't telling anyone. This friend has also had threesomes with her boyfriend and Shannon. I wrote about that on a earlier post. And Shannon lives with her ex boyfriend and says they aren't together they just live together. This is the boyfriend that doesn't know if he's Shannons baby's daddy or if its his brothers baby. That baby is 2 I think and she has 3 more children by different fathers, 2 of which live with the fathers because she lost custody of them. This is a true story I swear, you can't make this stuff up. This is what he thought was good enough to leave his relationship, his home, his family and all of his possessions for. He took nothing except for about half of his clothes. Can someone tell me, does this guy have a huge brain tumor effecting his decisions? Do guys just walk away from a stable longterm relationship into a soap opera of baby daddy drama??

statictable · Sep 7, 2007, 10:22 PM

Brain tumor? Probably not. He's not the brightest star in the sky or could be acting out. Is this man mature? Has he lost a close friend or parent? If you have the desire and strength to avoid all contact with him and also his friends he may return if that's what you want. Good luck.

MissingHim2Much · Sep 7, 2007, 11:01 PM

Originally Posted by statictable

Brain tumor? Probably not. He's not the brightest star in the sky or could be acting out. Is this man mature? Has he lost a close friend or parent? If you have the desire and strength to avoid all contact with him and also his friends he may return if that's what you want. Good luck.

Is he mature? I'm questioning that right now but yes he was mature and very responsible our whole time together. He never did anything crazy or out of the ordinary. We had a close relationship and were very respectful of each other. I didn't see this one coming. It was so far out in left field. He never let on he was unhappy or that he wanted out of our relationship so I am clearly baffled. He did have one loss this year but it wasn't a person it was our dog. She was my dog for 16 yrs and his dog for the 7 he lived with me. She was like one of the family and we had to put her to sleep because she couldn't walk anymore. He went into the room with her while the vet put her down and he held her while she was dying. He was a mess about that for along time. He also resently found out his mother is dying of parkinsons disease and cryed on my shoulder many times about this. I have maintained no contact pretty much since he left calling him 2 times in the first week to ask him why he left and if he was coming back. But I've had n/c in about 6 weeks.

clearlydissapointed · Sep 8, 2007, 12:22 AM

I know what you are going through my boyfriend left me a few weeks back and is now dating a slutty ho. Is there something in the water? So many men these days just up and leaving good woman for these woman that would do anyone with a pulse. I thinks its porn, I think porn has warped their minds

DJ1963 · Sep 9, 2007, 02:38 PM

Ouchhhhh Missing, that has to hurt. I once asked my brother how woman are able to steal men away from good relationships and his answer to me was... Lots of flirting and feeding their egos. ( you're so funny, you're so smart, you're so cute etc. etc etc) He said that men in a longterm relationship sometimes feel like their gf's don't think they are special any more and when someone else makes it a point to make them feel like they are something great the other woman is able to steal him right out from under you. Once she shows her true colors he will see his mistake and probably come crawling back to you. If that's what you want.

Ash123 · Sep 9, 2007, 03:11 PM

God that must suck!

Well, I would not worry about why he did it, but rather HOW you are going to move on.
YOU know WAYYYY too much. WAYY too much... And so do your kids. Get Away.
We all make mistakes. You made a 7-year one. Now take a year to recover.

This is the real him. SORRY! He loved you, (in his own way -once)
But he also did you a favor...

You'll thank him for your freedom and his indescretion one day.

Skell · Sep 9, 2007, 04:43 PM

Sad situation but surely if you go back and read this doesn't it make you slightly happy that you aren't involved with a man anymore that involves himself with these type of people. They all sound like they deserve one another and you are better off without them all in your life.

DJ1963 · Sep 10, 2007, 11:48 AM

Missing, I've read some of your earlier posts and it sounds like you and your ex had a good relationship all the time you were together. If that's true then what has happened in his life that would make him do something this destructive?

GlindaofOz · Sep 10, 2007, 11:51 AM

What the heck is with this guy?

I'm really wondering if he is living out some sort of "young guy acts self destructive" phase or something. It just seems weird that he was content in a stable, healthy relationship only to slip into some insane relationship with a sketchy chick. I totally get why this bugs you it seems so out of step of who he was when he was with you.