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s_cianci · Aug 6, 2007, 11:16 AM

The only one who's really going to be able to give you any answers is him. Hopefully he'll eventually decide that he's ready to talk with you and communicate what happened and where he was coming from. Until then I'm afraid that you're going to be left without any answers.

shatteredsoul · Aug 6, 2007, 11:27 AM

Wow, I am really sorry you are struggling with such an overwhelming heartbreak. It sounds like you have been through a lot of good times with him and you are confused as to why it ended so quickly. Maybe he is afraid, or feeling smothered in some way. Maybe he needs his space to feel more comfortable. I think you are right to not contact him. Let him think things over before he responds to you. I am sure he still has love in his heart for you, but he isn't sure what to do with his future, and with you. I know you said you are much older and maybe in some way that bothers him. Not that it can't work out , but later on down the road it may become difficult for him. Both of my parents got involved with people much younger than themselves after divorcing each other. IT worked for a very short time with my dad and for about ten years for my mom. Then all of a sudden, she was told that it was over. She was in shock and it took a long time for her to get over. By that time she realized she needed to be on her own and that it didn't work out for a reason.
I don't know what will become of your relationship but in the mean time, focus on yourself. Try to become stronger and more resilient. If it is meant to be, he will try to contact you and work it out. I hope you lean on friends for support, it is so hard to lose someone's love and attention like that, especially when it is so out of the blue.
Remember you will get through this and you are not alone.

SAB123 · Aug 6, 2007, 11:28 AM

I don't believe he is over, you but I think someone or something scared him off. May I ask your ages.

MissingHim2Much · Aug 6, 2007, 11:54 AM

Our ages are I'm 43 and he's 25

SAB123 · Aug 6, 2007, 12:10 PM

I think the age may have a reason. One of my friends broke up with his ex because if this. She was 10 years older then him, he was 37 and she was 47, and yes he is kicking himself in the butt now. He was worried about her looks going wrinkles etc. He asked me if I felt the same way about my ex, and I said yes sometimes that crossed my mind. My ex was 6 years older then I was when she broke up with me I was 34 and she was 41. So that may be a reason why he broke up but it's hard to say. Did you ever see him check out any younger girls. Or did he take you out with his friends to places.

SnakeBite · Aug 6, 2007, 12:14 PM

You said that you had a perfect relationship and then you said that you had an argument? That is not a "perfect" relationship.
You asked him during the argument if he loved you? Honestly, that is not a good time to ask a question like that.

What did you say to him during that argument? Words can hurt! I need more info...

shatteredsoul · Aug 6, 2007, 12:17 PM

No relationship is perfect and having arguments doesn't constitute having a bad relationship. Conflict arises when there is a need for change. Arguing is sometimes the way to get out what the conflict is. Whatever happened during that argument isn't going to be the reason he wants to end the relationship, it may have just been the icing on the cake. However, I do agree it may not be the appropriate time to be asking someone when they are mad if they love you. Sometimes you say things you don't mean when you are angry, that doesn't make or break a whole seven year relationship.

MissingHim2Much · Aug 6, 2007, 12:25 PM

We had an argument do to the fact we were quitting smoking and that can be very stressful, if any of you are smokers you would know what I mean... and yes we did have a perfect relationship... we loved doing everything together, we weren't jealous and petty toward each other and we always considered each others feelings, we loved we laughed and were each others bestfriends how could a relationship be any more perfect

SnakeBite · Aug 6, 2007, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much

we had an argument do to the fact we were quitting smoking and that can be very stressful, if any of you are smokers you would know what i mean... and yes we did have a perfect relationship....we loved doing everything together, we werent jealous and petty toward each other and we alway considered each others feelings, we loved we laughed and were each others bestfriends how could a relationship be any more perfect

I am trying to help you. I asked you, "what did you say to him during that argument?"

MissingHim2Much · Aug 6, 2007, 12:32 PM

I told him he had changed since we quit smoking and that he wasn't the same sweetheart he used to be

SnakeBite · Aug 6, 2007, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by shatteredsoul

No relationship is perfect and having arguments doesn't constitute having a bad relationship. Conflict arises when there is a need for change. Arguing is sometimes the way to get out what the conflict is. Whatever happened during that argument isn't going to be the reason he wants to end the relationship, it may have just been the icing on the cake. However, I do agree it may not be the appropriate time to be asking someone when they are mad if they love you. Sometimes you say things you don't mean when you are angry, that doesn't make or break a whole seven year relationship.

I never said that an argument constitutes having a bad relationship. I just found if interesting for her to state how perfect the relationship was and then state how they had an argument and during that argument -- he left her. Prior to that, everything was great. So I feel it is imperative to know what she said to him so that I can get a feel for what happened.

Come on now. Just because he say's its over, doesn't mean its over. I have seen couples fight, the cops come, they end up in court and a month later they are back together again. :D

Sooooo, I don't think its over yet.;)

I feel that the secret to this mystery break up (most likely temporary) is what did she say to him during their argument? :cool:

SnakeBite · Aug 6, 2007, 12:51 PM

Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much

i told him he had changed since we quit smoking and that he wasnt the same sweetheart he used to be

And?? Come on, there is more... Drum roll please... :D

MissingHim2Much · Aug 6, 2007, 02:20 PM

He said I was right he had changed and I said I didn't like the new him. He said he was sorry but that was the way it is. By the way I asked him if he still loved me before our argument.. that's what started the fight to begin with. I said some pretty mean things in the heat of the fight but I also told him he was the love of my life and how could his feeling for me just die even after he was so loving the day before

SnakeBite · Aug 6, 2007, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much

i said some pretty mean things in the heat of the fight but i also told him he was the love of my life

You can't throw stones at someone and then throw them a candy bar and everything is OK. I don't know what hurtful things you said, but some people have a limit as to what they will accept and then bounce back to you.

Apologize to him for the hurtful things you said. Saying you are the love of my life isn't an apology.

Send him a card and apologize. There is still hope.;)

MissingHim2Much · Aug 6, 2007, 04:02 PM

Like I said in my earlier post, I talked to him twice or so right after he left and told him I didn't mean the things I had said that I was just being defensive because he said he didn't love me anymore. Then I begged him to come home or to at least come talk to me and give me some closure. He refused and said it would be to hard for him to see me. Now its been 10 days since we've had any contact what so ever no calls nothing..

MissingHim2Much · Aug 7, 2007, 12:08 AM

I have to say that when people say to me that there's more than one fish in the sea I cringe. I don't mean any disrespect for the people that say that. I actually believe that saying in some respects. BUT I don't want another fish I want my fish... My guy or should I say my ex guy made me blissfully happy for 7 years. He was very very good to me and never did me wrong. At least not until 2 weeks ago when he left me totally out of the blue. We had everything in common and we loved spending time together... I know that I'll never find another fish that I'm more compatible with.. I miss him terribly and want him back. So finding another fish just is'nt an option...

Grayfox · Aug 7, 2007, 12:18 AM

Well you're in for a very difficult time... you have no control over him, you cannot make him come back to you if he has decided that spending time together is not as great to him as it is to you. However, you do have options... you can accept this and allow yourself to consider other "fish" or you can live in denial and I have a feeling you will eventually be forced to get over it... I would honestly try the first option, due to the second being twice as painful not to mention a waste of time. If you decide to try the first option there are many people here who can help you with techniques for getting over a relationship. Good Luck.

MissingHim2Much · Aug 7, 2007, 12:30 AM

Trust me I know that the odds of us getting back together are slim to none.. But my point was is that what we had comes along once in a lifetime so looking elsewhere seems pointless. I will always compare someone new to him because I know he was my ONE GREAT LOVE!!

Capuchin · Aug 7, 2007, 12:35 AM

How do you know if you haven't caught all the fish? You're clinging onto your trout when there might be a sturgeon waiting for you if you'd just cast your line.

Of course you don't want to let go of your trout, it was the biggest fish you'd ever caught. There are plenty of bigger fish out there, but you need to stop holding your trout and re-cast your line in order to find them.

Make sense?

Grayfox · Aug 7, 2007, 12:40 AM

Been there, felt that... and no matter what I say I will have absolutely no idea what you're feeling right? Wrong... let time be the judge of this situation... when people say there are a lot of fish it bothers you because you don't like considering other people... this is your one main problem you are attatched to this person, this attachment will be inevitably be broken over time and you will learn to consider other people if you want a future with another human being, in fact I am almost positive you will most likely find someone you are happier with who will not leave you after 7 years. Whatever you thought you knew about this person waas obviously not completely true, so learn from this.