[adder_jer]

I'll try my best to keep this brief, as reading these forums has, if anything, only reinforced my belief that my situation is not as unique, at least in theory, as I once thought it to be.

My and my girlfriend are approaching our 4th year together in a few months. If I do say so myself, I've been a very solid boyfriend - never violent, never mean/jealous/spiteful, and even rarely did we argue. However, it has come up that, as it is 'recently' - "..I love you, but I don't know if I'm in love with you anymore".

This happened about a week ago - when it did, I left for a drive around, came back, and we didn't say much. The next day, we continued on as if the conversation didn't happen. We've had a substantial increase in sex since - daily up to 3 times a day. However, in the back of my mind, I keep thinking, dwelling on what she had said. It makes me physically ill to think of what it means, especially when I want to be planning a future together, marriage, etc. Even last night, we glossed over the topic of wedding rings - how confused I am!

So here I am, with my question(s). What to do? Should I leave her? Wait for her to leave me? Perhaps play cool and see where this goes? Not talking about it seems like a bad idea, but has also kept things great since. I love her to death, and would never leave her, but what do I do when I can't know she loves me?

[mckenzie134]

Heard this before and no doubt when she's ready she's gone mate!! If you want to hold onto her you have to take a chance and if it doesn't work she was never staying anyway.
As hard as it may be there is a reason she said that and its true she is starting to lose the spark. If you want to get it back cut the sex 3 times a day make it 3 times a week don't give as much love don't be all over her, become more distant let her come to you. I wouldn't suggest breaking up but I would suggest less contact and less love. Let her feel she is losing you and she will feel that spark again. Don't be mean but think have you been smothereing you lately, whatever you do not try and win her love back with gifts or being nreal nice she is losing the attraction in the relationship. Like she says I love you but don't know if I'm in love with you. Well of course after 4 years trhings change she has become comfortable thinks she has you. I don't know what you do but my best advice if you live with her, start doing other activities at night maybe join the gym so she misses you while you are at the gym and when she sees you when you get home she is more excited. You MUST do this, this is the best way to get her feelings to return , I bet urve been around way tooften she will not feel it anymore if you continuie she will dump you. Get busy and start living more of your own life and watch her want to be part of it. GET BUSY NOW give her less. Because the less you give her you the more she will want.

As hard as it may be prepare yourself for the break up you will be in a much better state of minfd if she does end it and then you are a much better chance of keeping her. She thinks she does not love you well change this do more of your own stuff this will be hard but is the best way to, she will miss you so get busy with your oiwn life and she will want to be part of it. Give it a go cause if you continue the way you are she will go. She will be thinking well if I try real hard I might feel it. So she willl seem like everything is fine but she will actually be trying and then she will say I've been trying wreally hard over the last month but I just don't feel it anymore. Give yourself a chance mate don't get fooled and don't forget what she said caus eshe said it and although you thinmkeverything is going great its not MATE she told you what the problem is and its still there iguarantee you she still feels it but is trying to get past it my being with you all the time.

Fix this problem now be there less do more by yourself this will win her over.

[klovesj110603]

U should really talk about it but make it a time that you can really sit down and get it all out on the table. Ask her why she feels this way. If u love her I would not give up on her. Ask her to be honest with you no matter what she has to say. If she does want to leave or just wants some time you should let her have her space for a while. She might have so much going on she is overwhelmed. Talking about the next step in a relationship can make many people very nervous and scared. You should really be open about this and share your feelings completely.

[mckenzie134]

Actuall I must say KLOVE I don't mean to say your trotally wrong , talking about your relationship could be beneficial but I believe she is actually alredy falling out of love and bringing this up may make it look like he is pushing the issue I think he woyld be best just to step back and maybe try and remember the times when she was really keen on you. What were you doing then maybe she's still young and wondering what is going on andhow come she doesn't feekl like she used to, maybe his coming on more now and is more availabl. Think about it were you less available when she was keener. I know 4 years is a long tine but some young girls this doesn't matter it's the age that matters if she still say under 25 you can't treat it like long term thing have to still keep things fresh and keep it interesting she's not ready to settle and while your thinking of marriage there's always some other fun guy she knows and he looks fun gota be weary of this young females want what's fun and whatthey don't have. Kepp her guessing even after 4 years she still needs to chas you a bit you're the prize. Pull back and let her chas be busier less available get a new hoobbiedont be homesopoften let her miss you a bit more likeshe probably was earlier in therelationshipand watch her go back to how she was..

Giveita go

[lisalou]

You need to talk to her about it, it sounds like she does love you but she is confused - talking about making solid plans can scare people and she may be questioning her feelings for you, in love /love what's important? - it can often get to this stage where people have been together a while and you need to try to reignite that spark a bit. Are you a thoughtful boyfriend? HAve you ever surprised her? I don't know what you are like with her, you need to find out WHY she feels this - what good things are there in the relationship, what excites her?

[klovesj110603]

I just think relationships need comunication. I don't think you are wrong either this site if for people to get advice and everyone sees things diffrently. But in my personal experiances I have found that comunication is the key. How can you know what's going on if you don't talk about it.