[Hope12]

Here is what I think about this subject, please tell me your thoughts on this matter?

I personally feel that the family should care for the elderly family member that is no longer able to care for themselves fully. The majority of elderly ones are able to do lot more for themselves in a family setting then allowing them to vegetate in a nursing home or any assisted living home. Most of the nursing homes in the United States that families can afford are really not very pleasant to live in and the help is not always very respectful of the elderly. I have worked in some and had to quit because of the abuse I saw with my own eyes. Doctors come and most patients are placed on some sort of medication that forces the elderly to sit and stare at four walls all day long. Some who are not fully coherent and may even wet themselves are tied to a chair where they sit all day long. How would you like your family member treated that way?

Most elderly have spend their life raising a family, working hard and deserve to live out their older years in dignity and with love. Even the most expensive nursing homes and assisted living homes are not taking care of your elderly family member because they love them. Remember, you the family will pay for your loved ones care. You on the other hand will care for your elderly family member because you love them and want what is best for them.

There may come a time when they will need constant care and even then it is cheaper and more dignified for the elderly to be cared for at home. No one needs a registered nurse to give daily care of to just keep the elderly one company. Remember to this person if a grandparent of a parent has taken care of you when you could not care for yourself. Love it what should motivate us to care for our elderly family members, but if your care can not be motivated by love then remember you owe it to them for what they did for you!

If one can not keep the elderly sick person in the home then choose carefully where you leave them. Check on them daily, via phone, or visits. Talk to the doctors regularly and most of all reassure your elderly family member of your sincere love for them. Joke with them, read to them, take them for a walk, bring them little gifts of food and things you know they like. Above all though, when the situation allows you to and your heart speaks to you of the love they have shown you over the years, give them dignity and love by keeping them home and allowing them the families love right down to their end. God will smile on you with his approval and you will always be glad you did what was right for your elderly family member and not just for yourself.

Comments welcomed!

Take care,
Hope12

[LearningAsIGo]

I think if the family is ready, willing, and able then God bless!

Some families are not so able (emotionally, physically, monitarily, professionally) and their loved ones will have to get care outside of the home.
My grandpa suffered for years with Alzheimer's disease. We were no longer able to physically care for him and were forced to put him under 24 hour care outside of the home. Simply, his disease required professional care of doctors and nurses, not to mention equipment and monitoring that is not possible within a private residence. It was the hardest decision we ever made as a family, but ultimately, he deserved the best so we got it. I (we) have no regrets. It was not a selfish decision for our family, but it would have been selfish to keep him at home where we couldn't pick him up if he stumbled and became so emotionally overwhelmed that counseling was needed. Taking care of a person living with a disease is much more difficult than you can ever imagine until it happens to someone you love. Its never an easy decision to make, but each situation is different and cannot be generalized. I personally hate the idea of nursing homes, but there is the good along with the bad and you have to be dedicated to finding the best possible and remain personally dedicated to their care.

[crazymomjulie]

I also worked in assisted living homes and from my experience I would never place someone I love in one of these homes. The majority of these homes are funded and do not put your loved ones best interest at heart. There are several dozen in my area alone that have been reported for forms of abuse and neglect. The one I worked for I left because I just could not stand the treatment I had to see every day. You did not have to have any training of any form in order to be hired in fact half of the staff couldn't even understand what was need for the patient because they could not speak or understand english (which I mean no disrespect but you have to be able to communicate to give proper care). There was employees with drug addictions allowed to administer the medications, some had records that should have justified them not being allowed to work in this field. I seen patients being robbed of their valuables and abused in so many ways. I even reported the home on several occasions only to see the situations being ignored. I do realize that this is not true of all homes and that there are ones out there that under certain circumstances are better equipped for the care of loved ones. I would just hope that if you have to place a loved one in a home that you will research your options and make sure of the qualifications of the staff before making a decision.

[MOWERMAN2468]

I'd say this would be on an individual case by case basis.

[Treeny]

I also worked in nursing homes [CNA} And I have to say that I would never put my parents in one.
Even in the best facilities there is always a few cnas or nurses that hate their jobs and are cold and sometimes mean. I have seen and know too much of what gos on.
Not even the abuse but the games they play like sending this patient out to hospital so they can admit another juggeling beds exc. I stopped working at them , to heart breaking at times.

[firmbeliever]

If possible I would say both (as I believe my faith encourages),
We look after our parents, but have a nurse/doctor visit as often as possible to check up on them...

[startover22]

We will be caring for mother and father in law and grand parents with in the next month, if anyway possible I hope they will be with us until the end. I agree this is a tough question and can be looked at on an individual basis. On the other hand, I believe that the treatment and helping out should have a doctor or nurse involved and on call. Good luck to everyone, these are very tough decisions to make. Just put yourself in their shoes and then think about the whole thing. What would they like in their last years? What would you like? What can you afford, what can you stand to do for them? (bathing, changing, all those things come up) I hope that with all of my hard work and love put into my children, at least one of them will take me in and help me through my last years, on another note, I do not want to be a burden to make stress for them.

[Wondergirl]

We have no space in our very small home to care for aging relatives. We have, in the past, dug out every community, township, and county resource to keep them at their own home as long as possible. Those who have ended up in assisted living or a nursing home have gotten good care. There's a national rating agency that we looked at before a relative went into a home (the Joint Commission), we dropped into these homes at unexpected times to check about meals and care, and our relatives were always in their own right minds to be able to tell us about what happened when we weren't there. I do believe there are good nursing homes, but of course family members aren't there 24/7... I have a list of several in this area that I would be willing to be in.

[startover22]

You are so great to be able to find good care. I would do the same thing you did, drop in and research, research, research, if a home was an option for us or them. Thanks for that, very great idea.