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GDArtist · Oct 26, 2008, 09:33 PM

It seems to be a game of chase, as I have experienced it... When my X boyfriend broke up with me... because I caught him cheating... I was heart broken too... it was totally unexpected.. thank God I found out when I did!!

Anyway, I didn't talk to him for a long time - the "NC" works. It hurts though... deeply. We were suppose to get married. But ask yourself... why did the X break up with you... this is the question you need to honestly answer to help yourself. My X figured out what he had done, and came back... wouldn't leave me alone. After his childish texting, emails and wanting me to do more business for him... I said enough. I decided I didn't want him in my life anymore after he lied to me and his friends over and over; if he's done it once he will do it again.

Think about why you want this person back. You want someone to love you for who you are, someone who you click with, you have an awesome chemistry with? Act like you don't care... I showed my X I could move on, without him in my life. It worked... he came back - and I didn't take him back... grass isn't always greener... and through all of this suffering... I met someone wonderful. Think about this. There might be a greater plan.

Czosie · Oct 26, 2008, 11:07 PM

As the Guinness commercial says... Brilliant!

JohnD212 · Nov 26, 2008, 03:05 PM

I bookmarked this so I can refer to it over and over. I had a break up (6 years together) and though I tell myself a lot of this... its good to hear that it works. The no contact is what I've never done. I have to commit to doing that. I can't give up pieces of myself every time I make myself available to him. Will he call me? Should I care? I think I do but hopefully I won't forever.

Thanks again... I will be re-reading this a lot in the coming months.

LifeChangesMan · Nov 26, 2008, 09:18 PM

This is a great post my friend, thanks for this advice.

I have my ex of a few weeks who hasn't spoke to me or nor have I spoke to her, her birthday is dec 4. I really want to give her her presents, but what should I do? I ultimately want her to comeback, I mean I'm not sitting around moping or anything I just ultimately want her to love me and come back.

JohnD212 · Nov 26, 2008, 09:24 PM

Originally Posted by LifeChangesMan

this is a great post my friend, thanks for this advice.

i have my ex of a few weeks who hasn't spoke to me or nor have i spoke to her, her birthday is dec 4. i really want to give her her presents, but what should i do? i ultimately want her to comeback, i mean i'm not sitting around moping or anything i just ultimately want her to love me and come back.

My thoughts... don't give her a present and keep the no contact going. You aren't being mean. If you really feel bad about it.. you could send a little email just saying Happy Birthday and leave it at that. Giving a present will open up wounds and make things tougher.

viper7 · Feb 21, 2009, 02:23 AM

That was really strange reading that, without knowing it I'm all ready doing the 1-10 method, in the past when a relationship broke up I was allways tried to win them back,it was very close to begging them to come back, it only had the effect of pushing them further away and me feeling weak, anyway this last break up hit me the hardest in away I never thought possible, yes I tried to win her back but all I got was I love you "BUT" which only made it worse, if she had said I don't love you, yes that would have hurt but at leasts it's a reason, at the moment I have no answers why, I've asked myself every question possible, well I tried for amonth to no avail, until oneday I decided there was only one thing left for me to do about this, it was something I've never tried before and new it was going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, and that is simply" DO NOTHING" and it is hard but as each day go's by I get a little stronger and I know deep down I have made the right choice, and before you ask I still have that hope one day she will be back I'm not afraid to admit that, but it will have to be her that wants me back, it's the only way it could work, hope that makes sense

MiSSsy111222 · Feb 21, 2009, 04:18 AM

I wish I did this method! Oh well to late now :)

Ash123 · Feb 21, 2009, 06:42 AM

NEVER TOO LATE.

Don't beat yourself up over the past... it's about the present. The break up guide is about the present too :)

javes85 · Mar 8, 2009, 07:57 PM

Excellent response!! It really made me feel lots better...
It doesn´t matter if she comes back or she doesn´t, even if I truly loved her for about 3 years, I think this words will help me a lot... I really don´t believe in "steps" for relationships (or for getting out of them), but your comment gave me hope and calm...
Thank You for your wise words

Stringer · Mar 8, 2009, 08:19 PM

Originally Posted by javes85

Excellent response!!! It really made me feel lots better...
It doesn´t matter if she comes back or she doesn´t, even if I truly loved her for about 3 years, I think this words will help me a lot... I really don´t believe in "steps" for relationships (or for getting out of them), but your comment gave me hope and calm...
Thank You for your wise words

Now you see why she is an 'Expert.':)

Ash123 · Mar 9, 2009, 04:03 PM

She? :-) LOL

Stringer · Mar 9, 2009, 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by Ash123

She? :-) LOL

Oh Ash... I am so sorry... forgive me... I don't know why... I...

Ash123 · Mar 9, 2009, 04:23 PM

:-)

ka1 · Mar 9, 2009, 09:52 PM

As many know I have had quite a time with my break-up. The last contact being a few days ago, when she returned my house key. She told me why, and in her words she lost her passion for me, and also she wants her independence. I know that passion is code for attraction, and I know some reasons it may have diminished. I ended things by telling her not to give up on us, as the passion was there this time last year, and I reminded her of a specific time it was demonstrated. She agreed, but said its not there now. I hope to get her back one day, as I know we were good with each other. I won't go into all the signs, and signals, but that belief is more than just my emotions from the break-up. I have no choice but to follow at lot of stuff on here, and figure out the stuff that I know is at the root of this. Stuff like my career focus, etc. I would like to send a small but innocuous gift for her birthday which is next month, but think that time frame is too soon, I don't plan on contacting before that. I've heard that even with NC not to forget significant days like the B-day, but again am wondering if 4 weeks is to soon. I'll do whatever advice is given here on the matter. If I send it, it would either be a book or the Fireproof movie(yes subtle msg)but I would not call. Just send it in the mail.

I hope the rest of this works. I really do, because we really are supposed to be together.

chuff · Mar 10, 2009, 06:20 AM

Originally Posted by ka1

I hope to get her back one day,

I hope you get yourself back one day.

Right now, you need to focus on yourself. You are a broken man, desperate and lacking any confidence. That can be changed, but you have to make the decision and you need to make it today that this self abuse and self torture comes to an end. That won't cure the pain of the break up, but neither will anything else your doing.

NC is no contact. There are no exceptions. I don't care when her birthday is, she is not owed a gift, she has not earned a gift, and you better not give her gift. The only gift you need to start giving is that to yourself. All this love you want to give her, turn it inward because right now that's who needs it most and that's who deserves it more.

jmw0713 · Mar 10, 2009, 06:47 AM

This is a great post. It really helped me out when I first started the healing process. It has been almost 3 months of strict NC and I feel 100 times better than I did. In all honesty it has taken me approximately 7 months to get where I am now, but only the last 3 months have been strict NC. NC works wonders if you give it time. There was a poster on here named WildCat21 that would always advocate the NC rule. He would always tell posters to go NC for at least 3 months and see how they felt at the end. Looking back he was right, as was Tal and all the other guys on here. NC works! I remember a few months back, I was still talking to her every week and wasn't really making progress. Not talking to her at all has definitely allowed me to move forward.

I will not say that it is easy AT FIRST. As you keep plugging along and sticking to NC it does get easier. You will still have "feelings" at times, but you will learn not to act on them. It also helps when your ex doesn't try contacting you.

As these "feelings" fade, you will rediscover life and rediscover the opposite sex. It will be different, but fun. Just take things one day at a time. Soon enough you'll start to see the light at the end.

Ash123 · Mar 10, 2009, 07:10 AM

Well put. A real motivator for others who are in pain.

The work is LOGGING THE DAYS. Stringing them together when you want to quit NC. Well done. Good luck to others who are in the process too.

I had one NC last 9 months once to get my head clear!
And 12 months to start with someone new...

kctiger · Mar 10, 2009, 07:10 AM

Ash, you're my hero! :)

Ash123 · Mar 10, 2009, 06:03 PM

Anyone that survives a bad break up and moves onto something healthier and better is a hero... hopefully that can be everyone on here. :-)

james5212 · Apr 3, 2009, 09:29 PM

I mailed back all the cards and gifts, now I feel bad as if I'm saying you I agree with you its over, should I like contact her and just say I hope you got the stuff that I mailed it hurt but I can't keep them around?

Or should I still maintain my sielnce.