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Foxy459459 · Jul 27, 2007, 11:27 AM

About a year ago I met this guy that at first I really didn't want anything to do with, I was going though a lot with my X and wouldn't leave me alone and it was a bad relationship all in all. And then this guy came into mylife and completely changed all of that. We had almost everything in common. We went to see the Giants play Philly, everything. In whole year never one fight or argument or even a disagreement. He was everything that I ever wanted in someone. He has 2 children that I absoutly love. And I have a 7 year old that is my world. Our Children get along like they have been bestfriends for years. But he has this Ex (his kids mother) and I try my hardest to stay out of that so I don't cause more drama for him. Then over the course of a couple of months, he gets his kids every weekend and I think its great because he is a awesome father, but his EX started coming up and staying at his house on the weekends so she could "See the Kids" she lives about an hour away and says she doesn't get to see them often enough because she works a lot durning the week, and when she was around he wouldn't even call me. Then that started to fade and me and him got so much closer. He took me to meet his family at some family reunion about an hour away, and then last month he drove me 1200miles to meet his friends and father all the way in Maryland. So I thought me and him would be closer then ever, his friends and family love me his kids love me and my son. And when we got home things started to get a little distant between us. On July 4th the X got kicked out of her mothers house and had no where to go with the kids so he of course took them in because he didn't want his children to be homeless and he felt that he was responsible for her because she had his children. Then the next day I got a phone call from her for the first time and she informed me that she was pregnant with his 3rd child! She got my cell phone number off his caller ID I was in such shock it wasn't even funny all I did was cry. When I went to his house that night for him to explain himself he finally admitted to me of having sex with her the one time. And she told me that it was only one time as well. Well needless to say she was keeping the baby, but never proved to him that she was actually pregnant. He told me that he had to do the right thing and stand by her side even if it wasn't what he wanted to do. Because he told me and couldn't express to me more how sorry he was and wish that he could take it all back. He never stopped talking to me, he said he couldn't. Then like 2weeks later she has a "Misscarage" How convient. But she still had no where to go. He finally told her that he couldn't live like he was anymore. All they did was fight terrible, she recked everything of his that I had bought for him so he finally told her to leave. Ever since then me and him have been great! I don't know if I am stupid or not I love him so much its not even funny. The other night we were hanging out and I spent the night at his house like I usually do if my son is with his father, We were laying in bed going to sleep and I was laying on his chest and I told him that he meant so much to me and I finally told him that I loved him and I didn't get any answer back. I am going insane because why go through all that we did if he doesn't love me? What do you think I should do? Please help me. He tells me that I am everything that he has ever wanted in someone, and that I am his best friend and more. And he is mine. I don't know what to do because I love him so much.

GlindaofOz · Jul 27, 2007, 12:01 PM

This whole thing sounds kind off to me. I would be concerned about the ex who obviously wants to be back together with this man. This guy sounds a little confused to me. I don't believe in sticking around while someone gets this stuff together or figures out what they want.

Have you guys agreed that you are in a committed relationship? Has there been an actual conversation where he said I only want to date you, I'm committed to you? If not that may be what the silence was about.

If you want a committed relationship I would tell him that and if he says he doesn't then walk away he is not the right person from you. From what I've seen of your other posts you are an incredibly caring, big hearted person. I think you deserve someone who respects you and treats you as good as you treat others. Be good to you!

talaniman · Jul 27, 2007, 12:25 PM

With all the drama in his life, yes he is very confusedand paying a very high price for going back and forth with this nutcase whom I doubt was pregnant, but he needs space to figure his own self out without you. It maybe hard but he has choices to make on his own. Sorry but you are to available to him. In the long run you fall deeper much faster than he is. Find your happiness without him and let him make up his mind and you get over the drama and emotions before you really hurt yourself.

Foxy459459 · Jul 31, 2007, 07:50 AM

So things between be and my boyfriend have been great! And we had problems with his Ex-girlfriend that he has 2 children with, but we got past that I posted a question the other day explaining that situation, and me and him talked about everything, and for the past 2 weeks things have been great. I just spent the week at his house cooking dinner every night have a blast and just plain fun, and then yesterday I left his house in the morning when he left for work before me he gave me a kiss and told me he would see me after work, and when I got home from work I called him and he was acting strang and told me he had things on his mind and that he couldn't see me tonight for dinner. About an hour after that his kids mother called me from HIS HOUSE and told me that I was all this bull- and that he didn't want me and they were getting back together and that he wanted her not me! I told her I wanted to hear it from his mouth not hers. Then like an hour later his finally called me and the only thing that he said was "i can't do this anymore" "Im sorry" that's all I got from him and her talking in the back ground. I am so confused I feel like a ran head first into a brick wall! I know that she is just using the kids against him, because she doesn't want him but she doesn't want him with anyone else. Hes screwing up his kids head with this back and forth because all they do is fight! I love him so much and I don't know what to do. I know I have to cut my loses, but I don't know how to walk away. I just need some closer and he won't even return my phone calls because he is to scared to face me. I just want to know what changed from 3pm until 7pm when she called me because he was talking to me all day while I was at work. Please can someone help me because I am so crushed right now, I don't know what to do...

Foxy459459 · Aug 2, 2007, 08:26 AM

Now he tells me he needs time and space to figure out his head! He says 75% of him wants to be with me but there are still times that he thinks about her and he says that its not fair to me. I don't know what to do anymore about anything. I NEED HELP because I know I need to walk away but I don't know how. I am so confused its not even funny. He is always going to think about her she is the mother of his 2 children, they were together for like 9 years there's always going to be something there! He just needs to let go of her completely and he doesn't know how. Anyone got any suggestons to help him do that? Or for me? I just want to be happy and he makes me so happy but then again I'm not happy right now!

talaniman · Aug 3, 2007, 08:51 AM

Please reread my post. You must stop allowing yourself to be put in a position of having your feelings hurt, because he has baggage from his past he needs to work on. Also stop depending on him for your happiness, as that will never work, and its up to you to be happy. Until you are, no relationship can ever be healthy and happy. You must leave him alone, and let him deal with his own past as he is not really ready to have another relationship, and neither are you.

Foxy459459 · Aug 24, 2007, 12:39 PM

You are right but the only thing is, is that he is my best friend. And that means so much to me, and I know to him as well. He is a great guy just really confusded about everything that is around him. I know me and him can not be together right now, but I will never lose our friendship.

GlindaofOz · Aug 24, 2007, 12:40 PM

Foxy I don't think anyone is suggesting that you throw out the friendship all together but maybe just let it lie dormant for right now. It doesn't seem to be healthy for either one of you right now. Your responsibility is to yourself and keeping yourself healthy and happy.

Foxy459459 · Aug 24, 2007, 12:42 PM

But that's the weird thing. Its like we have been best friends for years. And when we hang out its kind of like I'm one of the guys. We just have a blast together no matter what. And no matter what the situation is. We help each other out. Its so hard to explain for people to understand.

GlindaofOz · Aug 24, 2007, 12:44 PM

But Foxy you are both wicked confused right now and I don't think the friendship helps either of you figure anything out. Sometimes you need breaks from people to gain perspective. It doesn't mean forever it just means for a short time.

Foxy459459 · Aug 24, 2007, 12:45 PM

It's not that easy...

GlindaofOz · Aug 24, 2007, 12:47 PM

Doing the right things for yourself hardly ever is

Foxy459459 · Aug 24, 2007, 12:50 PM

But that's the thing I don't want to let out friendship go even for a little bit. When things go bad he's the one I call, he's the only one that can cheer me up. Even when I went out with that other guy. I talked to him about that like he was my best friend. I know it bothered him but he was still concerend. I really don't know what I would do without him around. We hung out last night so much fun, there was so sexual tention, just fun hanging out watching some football eating some pizza. I mean I wish some people could see it though my eyes.

GlindaofOz · Aug 24, 2007, 12:52 PM

Originally Posted by Foxy459459

Now he tells me he needs time and space to figure out his head! He says 75% of him wants to be with me but there are still times that he thinks about her and he says that its not fair to me. I dont know what to do anymore about anything. I NEED HELP because i know i need to walk away but i dont know how. I am so confused its not even funny. He is always going to think about her she is the mother of his 2 children, they were together for like 9 years theres always going to be something there! He just needs to let go of her completly and he doesnt know how. Anyone got any suggestons to help him do that? Or for me? I just want to be happy and he makes me so happy but then again im not happy right now!

Foxy did you read what you posted here? You are in love with this guy and want to be with him but know its not going to happen. Its not healthy to stay emotionally invested in someone like that. You are setting yourself up to never be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship while you are hung up on him.