[HaQueen]

i have a beautiful wife who works in a male dominated field. she takes trips to exotic places. like canada. ok, sometimes mexico or germany or even wisconsin.

point is she gets hit on. men flirt with her. while alone in a hotel. sometimes she flirts back a little too. shes good at it. ive been in the same bar with her, shes playing pool with young guys who are willing to buy her vodka cranberry all night long and get their butts beat in pool.

i think its a little sexy even.

and yes, i am a jealous man... its just that i trust her more than my jealously causes me to act. a few months ago a coworker hit on her hard. a little too hard. was all i could do to restrain myself after i found out. i am jealous, but i also trust her.

now... in your case... is it wrong to flirt? depends. my situation is that i know she does a little from time to time, i know shes coming home to me, and i know the energy shes putting into the occasional flirtation isnt detracting from our marriage emotionally or sexually.

but... you and i both know that people are stupid and weak. and even if you and he were willing to walk a dangerous line that you never cross, theres always the issue of the bf.

i think if you believe your behavior wouldnt be supported by your bf, then you are not being fully true to the relationship.

so, if you need to hide it, it probably isnt ok for the relationship. not a bad general rule when evaluating gray areas.

i had a friendship with a girl i never dated. we were both seeing other people. we had extreme sexual energy between us. we were able to walk the line, but it wasnt easy, and it took work for us both to know when to back off. my partner at the time knew enough, from what id told her, to understand the situation... and she was ok with it, but i dont think most people would be.

so.... in the end you probably need to be the one to keep things in check. just cause he asks about your bf doesnt mean a thing. he might be seeing if theres a problem, or he might be letting you know he doesnt care that you have a bf...

so... dont feel bad about the sexual energy. you are going to need to learn to live with it from time to time if you intend to be in a monogamous relationship.

its faulty to think you fall in love and are never attracted to another soul on this earth. so the attraction is fine. the flirtation is maybe ok, maybe not. and mentally, dont let yourself get too distracted from your relationship. at least make the distraction worth the potential consequences.

that said... i think youd better be even more careful with a married man who flirts. the guy i wanted to put through a wall when he flirted with my wife hard has been married a short time. i can tell you right now hes going to cheat on her the first time her gets a chance. though id bet it wont be the first time...

Thanks a lot for the GREAT insight. Best advice I've heard so far. Nice to get a honest and REAL feedback. I like what you said about "if you have to hide it, it's probably not good for the relationship"... I totally agree with that. I actually just told my boyfriend about the whole situation and asked what he felt about it. He gave me his honest opinion and that was to just know what I'm doing (even if everything is purely innocent on my part, it might not be for the other guy).

I also agree with you on the "reality" that just because I have a boyfriend I will and should never be attracted to other men. Truth is, I do find this guy attractive and decided that flirting (as long as it doesn't take away from the relationship with my bf) is fine. Besides, flirting for me is simply making jokes and just creating a relaxed and fun atmosphere in the work place (with the little time left that is):) Not really complimenting the guy or making any sort of sexual gestures. That's not me at all! So I guess it's fine... plus I enformed my boyfriend of the situation, so I'm not really hiding anything. I just have to accept the fact that it's FINE to be friendly and think other guys are attractive (as long as I know my limits). Thanks for your insight!

[saraispiel19]

Thαnk-god you hαve α brαin 80% of people who αsk these questions follow their hormones αnywαys... they just wαnted for us to sαy it's okαy..

Fewf! Well keep your heαd on your shoulders αnd goodluck to yα girlie<3

[Ash123]

Women: The only thing sexier than a married man is a married man with kids!

Ahhh ladies. We love you, but you do need to be aware of your vulnerablities.
As for Men? We like shapely figures and ego reinforcement - so, we're not much better.
Being human is great huh?

Stay far and away from Mr. Sexy and I'm glad you worked out your attractions here rather than at your place.
(He can't go to his... his wife's there :-)

Cheers -

[Canada_Sweety]

True...
And good for you HaQueen:)

[Ash123]

PS - I've been there! The office is the most natural dating service there is. It makes everyone 2 points more attractive... And if someone is in a position of power: add up to 5!

In 6 months you may not even notice him. The magic wears off in time... The "hot" new girl might as well be a guy's sister after a season or two :-)

And the hot office guy - reality will enter soon for you/him too...

Rock on... the excitement will pass...

[HaQueen]

Ok, so this guy I told you guys about is flirting rediculously. He texted me the other day saying that he thinks I think he's attractive. Well, I was honest and told him that that was true but nothing would remotely happen in this lifetime. Yesterday, I went to work to give him my hours and he was soooo cocky because he knew that I thought he was attractive. He is so full of himself and yet I keep getting sucked into his flirting games. I have to be forward with him the next time we work together and tell him that I'm happy in my relationship and he's married so we should not be talking about stuff like that. Honestly, I feel like I lost control when he thought he finally "had" me simply because like many other girls, I think he's attractive. Should I just ignore him or tell him this has got to stop, what do you think?

[Canada_Sweety]

Well, you were honest which is good. Ignoring him will only add fuel to his fire, which will give him more drive to get your attention with his charming good looks. Telling him might be better because this way he will see that you have a back bone and that you will not be his mistress.

[Canada_Sweety]

Glad Icould help:)

[nicespringgirl]

Just think this way, if you flirt with him, other guys will be jealous!
Oh men are like that,so make sure your action doesn't lead to fights among guys.
For the sake of team spirit, never make problems like that!;)