Check out some similar questions!

turtlegirl · Jul 26, 2005, 08:29 AM

One of my best friends is -- I think -- going through a manic episode or maybe a psychotic break. She's drinking a lot, can't really have a linear conversation, she's very distractable, isn't taking her job all that seriously, is experiencing boundary issues, and is making a series of bad decisions.

I don't know how to approach her. I can't talk to her mom because her mom's wacky, and I don't want to go to her husband because some of the bad decisions are things I don't think it's my place to share with him. Our only mutual friend is concerned, but mostly seems to be enjoying the ride. My own sister, brother, and roommate are quite concerned as well.

Should I just approach her and say, "I'm worried about you. Should I be?" But what if she says no? I would think drug use, but that's really not her. I see her most days of the week until she made a really bad choice on Friday and I haven't wanted to see her since then.

She's in her mid-20's and has been married for exactly one year. Please advise.

mr_X · Jul 26, 2005, 09:18 AM

My girlfriend right now is manic she takes a mood stabalizer she just recently found out she was what they call "bi polar" she's told me about her past and what I have read in your case sounds just about right. What I have learned about people with this complex is that they are unable to make rational decsions anything they do they don't see how it will affect their own future they tend to "live in the moment" this is going to be very hard for you to help her the only reason my girlfriend got "saved" back then is because some guy got her pregnant I hope you friend doesn't have to learn that way. :(

turtlegirl · Jul 26, 2005, 09:29 AM

I agree with you. I'm not trying to diagnose her, though, I just want her to get help. How do I get her to see that she's not acting 'normal?' How do I approach it?

mr_X · Jul 26, 2005, 10:39 AM

Manics like all people have points in the day where they are totally sane to calm one down I don't know if this works with all but I calm my girlfriend down by giving her all the attention she wants.it seems like manics are most calm when they have the light on them so if you want to find out if she is "normal" have a movie night of course in house just in case she explodes! Ask her simple questions that sane people would be able to answer logicly like "why are you doing this?"normal person would give you an answer that would somewhat explain themselves a not so normal answer might be like this: " i don't know i ve never thought about it" they will also answer questions sometimes not thinking how the person they are hurting might feel about the answer they give.I will talk to my girlfriend and ask her the right why "help" her. I will keep in touch

fredg · Jul 27, 2005, 08:42 AM

Hi,
Talk with your girlfriend about it. If she wants to talk with you, she will.
If she doesn't want to talk about it, then the best thing you can do is to forget it.
It does sound like drugs, or something similar, making a change in her.
Best friends sometimes "come and go"; as I have experienced in life so far; 63 yrs.
You would be surprised at the number of people wanting to be your best friend!
If it doesn't work out, then find another friend.
Best of luck,
fredg

turtlegirl · Jul 27, 2005, 02:05 PM

Some friend you are, if you leave them when they need help. Perhaps you didn't read the whole thing -- one of my favorite people is having a crisis and I want advice on how to broach the subject with her. Seriously Fred, I would expect more from you.

serialwife · Jul 27, 2005, 03:31 PM

Hey my absolute best friend has episodes like these. It usually take me or our other best friends saying " What the hell are you thinking?' to snap her out of it. I wouldn't necessarily say what the hell are you thinking but talk to her seriously and voice your concerns. If she doesn't respond, let her know you are there for her when she needs you. My best friend and I have our ups and downs we have been through her drug problem, her miscarriage, and her leaving her abusive boyfriend. I would lose contact with her for months when she was having an episode. But we both always know that if the other needs the other they can always call our respective parents homes. Sometimes it take some pointing out your poor decisions to realize what you could lose. We have had some of those shoot the messenger days... but she always calls me back and knows that I love her very much.

Latoya · Mar 29, 2006, 08:22 AM

Turtlegirl, I'm no doctor but seeing as I was diagnosed with bp disorder or manic depressive disorder 10 years ago, maybe my advice can help you. Nothing gets through to me when I am manic. I am in my own happy little world and will run anyone down who tries to mess it up. It is usually when I have come down from mania that friends and family can help me see what is going on. As long as your friend is not doing anything seriously dangerous to her physical or mental health right now (not suicidal or self harming) wait for her to come down and then try to talk to her. If she is doing something dangerous and you don't want to talk to parents or husband about it, get advice from your local bipolar support group.
The worst thing you could do right now is to leave your friend in her time of need. Bipolar disorder is a hard journey and practically a deadly one if traveled alone.
Be strong

mrs.pennell · Mar 29, 2006, 09:09 AM

I totally understand your pain. Several of my very close family members are bi-polar. I have watched them suffer through this pain over and over again. This is very very serious. Most bi-polar people commit suicide when they are manic, NOT when they are depressed. You have to do something to help your friend now before something happens to her. The combination of increased drinking and bad decision making might get her into trouble (she might get raped or worse... I know from experience.) You should definitely call your bi-polar support group. Or perhaps try what I did. I made an appt with the doctor for a family member... and then I told her we were going shopping. Once I got her in the car, I told her where we were really going. This may sound like a horrible thing to do, but she was suicidal and I had to do something. She says now that I saved her life. I would suggest that you talk to her first about it and see what she says. And if she has a kind and loving husband then by all means get him involved. (Don't bother if he won't understand.) She might be angry with you, she might even hate you for a while but it will be worth it...

And Fredg... would you leave a friend if they had cancer? A mental health problem is a medical condition. It is attitudes like yours that causes people with mental illness to lose their jobs and their friends and families. This is the first time I've seen you give really poor advice.