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blueskies1 · Jul 22, 2007, 12:45 PM

I have had depression on and off since I was about 15.. when I was a teenager I was diagnosed with manic depression and was prescribed to 3 prozacs a day. It really helped me for a long time and eventually I stopped taking them. Every once in a while I would feel sad and depressed and cut myself. I have done this before and after the meds. Sometimes I just start crying for no reason and sometimes I will be really happy one min. and the next I seriously want to die. Like today my boyfriend wasn't being his usual affectionate self and now I am sitting here thinking what is wrong. And it made me depressed. And I'm prob feeling this way for no reason. Prob. No one else would think like that. But it made me so frustrated and sad that I went and got a knife. It helps to ease the pain sometimes when you create a different kind of pain. I hate feeling like this.. it will go away and then come back. Sometimes I won't feel it for a while. Then one day it just hits me like a ton of bricks. I feel like I can never be normal. I'm not sure what to do.. I really don't want to be on meds. Again. I sometimes feel like giving up. I don't think I could take my own life.. when I cut myself its not to kill myself.. but sometimes I do contemplate it. I feel like that is the only way out of this pain that I have been suffering for the past 8 years. It not just a phase that I am going through. That's way too long for it to be that. I just want this to go away.

modular01 · Jul 22, 2007, 12:51 PM

Take it from someone who has been on medication for depression for 11 years. YOU NEED THE MEDICATION. I noticed a HUGE difference (so did everyone else) when I tried going from taking them every day, to taking them once every other day. I don't like taking medication either, but when I think about how bad I am off it, I take them regularly. I would go see your doctor again and see what medication he can put you on that works. It might take some time because different kinds of medication and doses work differently for each person.

If you want this feeling to go away, I strongly suggest going to the doctor and getting back on medication. It will keep you "even keeled" once you find what works.

J_9 · Jul 22, 2007, 01:30 PM

You have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (formerly known as Manic Depression). For people with this disorder going without medication is NOT an option.

You see, our bodies have a delicate balance of neurotransmitters (chemicals in our brain). For people with Bipolar Disorder that balance has been upset. Thus, out of balance. For you to feel better, no mood swings, no highs nor lows to the extent that you feel them now, medication is a MUST.

Without it, you will only get deeper into depression.

babigirl1 · Jul 22, 2007, 09:18 PM

I know what you are going through. I have been a cutter and I have bipolar as well. This is the thing. When you take your medication you get to feeling better and you think you can go without it. But dear the thing is the meds are what is helping you. Have you ever seen a therapist ? I would strongly suggest you see one. I seen one for 4 and half years every week. You can't do this on your own. I know I couldn't. At first it is very hard to open up to someone, but if you jeep going it gets easier.It has been 5 months since I have cut. I do think of it from time to time but I told myself I had to stop and I decided to stop hurting myself just because others hurt me or I coudnt deal with the pain I carry. So I took my razor I was using and bared it in my back yard and told myself. I had to take control over this cutting , because I realized it had control of me. Hun PLEASE get yourself some help. I wish you all the best. Trust in God he will help you and give you the courage to move past this. Hope I have helped.

cal823 · Jul 23, 2007, 10:13 PM

I was depressed for a relitavly shorter time than you, and I refused to let proffesionals help me, because adults don't tend to understand me, especially my parents.
Counseling and talk and therapy in my opinion would be better than meds, because the strongest thing on your side is a decision, the will, to not let depression beat you, to be happy.
It took god to get me into that decision, and to bring joy back into my life.
I'm sorry if I'm not very helpful, lol I'm in IT class at the moment, should be paying more attention lol.
You can beat this! We are here for you! You can decide to be happy! Don't let depression or life hold you back from living life to the full, how dare it even try!

alsmiley · Jul 23, 2007, 10:30 PM

I agree, the first step would be to get back onto the meds, find ones that agree with you. I know you really don't want to, if you don't want to do it for yourself do it for the people who love you.

Understand completely what you mean, sometimes for me it can just be the way my boyfriend looks at me that sets me off. There is a page dedicated to cutters, it gives advice and lets us know that we are not alone (although it does feel that way).

alsmiley · Jul 23, 2007, 10:31 PM

I will try to find the link for you.

cal823 · Jul 23, 2007, 11:20 PM

Life is what you make of it.
It can be great, it can suck.
Its up to you.
You can beat this.

J_9 · Jul 24, 2007, 07:13 AM

Originally Posted by cal823

life is what you make of it.
it can be great, it can suck.
its up to you.
you can beat this.

You can't just "beat" bipolar disorder. It is impossible to just get over. Talk therapy will not help either.

Medication is always needed with bipolar disorder because certain neurotransmitters are lacking, in short supply, or in some cases in over abundance.

cal823 · Jul 25, 2007, 04:11 AM

We have different definitions of victory and defeat J_9
I meant that you can endure and thrive despite bipolar