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unhappysv · Jul 21, 2007, 05:47 PM

Im 23 and I've been married for 3 1/2 years my husband treats me like I don't exist he doesn't pay attention to me and he says things to try to lower myself esteem.We have one son and I don't want to be a single mother but I feel like I'm dying inside what do I do.

nauticalstar420 · Jul 21, 2007, 05:57 PM

Stand up to him. As long as you are quiet about it, he will continue to do it. He is controlling you, and has you wrapped around his little finger. Let him know that he cannot do this! :)

s_cianci · Jul 21, 2007, 08:02 PM

I have to agree with the above poster. It may behoove you to pack up yourself and your son and disappear for a while. Inform him that you'll return if and only when he cleans up his act. If he won't, then you call the best divorce lawyer you can find.

life_is_a_song · Jul 22, 2007, 01:41 AM

If I were you, I would perhaps occupy myself with something like more degrees to prop my career and simply leave him. If you do not love yourself enuf you will end up not only like a doormat but also soon in a depression. If he doesn't, then you ought to love yourself and be in a situation that is conducive to you. Doesn't matter if you have to be a single mother for some time. At least you won't be alone and run into the arms of the first man who comes along again. You will wait for someone mature enough and that distance is good for you. Don't worry about what is not there, but do wake up to what IS and change it- the sooner the better

talaniman · Jul 24, 2007, 10:17 AM

If you cannot talk to him, then finding a safe happy place to get your mind together, and decide what you want is the thing to do. If he is unwilling to change, then you must do what you have to to get away from his influence and control, and make your own life that gives you the happiness you deserve. Will he agree to marriage counseling? If not it could do you a world of good.

shatteredsoul · Jul 24, 2007, 11:52 AM

Never allow anyone to have such power over you. He does those things and says those things, because quite frankly, he can. If you do not allow it, he cannot keep doing it. No one can make you feel badly about yourself, if you don't let them. I would not respond at all when he is rude. In fact, do not let him see he has any effect on you at all. Start focusing on yourself, your gifts, talents, friends and things you enjoy. Put the energy into yourself. He has low self esteem and he is trying to bring you down with him. Do stand up to him by telling him you will not allow him to talk to you or treat you this way. Good luck!! Don't ever give up on yourself, or be weak. PEople like him will prey on that!!

MrsZamaro · Jul 25, 2007, 11:16 PM

This has to be a tuff time for you... and I'm not sure exactly where you are on religion but my inlaws were this way for 15 years. My mother in law told me that fr the first 15 years my father in law, which by the way is a wonderful man now, went out for days weeks at a time, treated her terribly and so on. They have 3 kids so she stuck it out and you know what 5 years ago he went on a retreat with a friend of his who went to church. He changed that day and found Christ and honestly I envy their marriage. They are in there early 40's so change doesn't have to be far away... God can help. Start your walk first and make it strong don't let anyone get in the way... then see if your husband might try? Talk to a pastor? Get your husband to one mens meeting at church he'll make a friend and that friend will start pushing him to. I promise. It may seem out there but man I'm only 21 and a military wife and trust me if we weren't a Godly family we would have it ruff too. If you need more help ask and I will gladly give you practical ways to do this... it works! Good luck and God Bless!