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leoparedgirl41 · Jul 21, 2007, 03:18 PM

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me 9 days ago. He says he loves me and is in love with me but he is in a place in his life that he likes. He talked about marriage but did not want to get married. He said he wanted to live together first. We made plans to do this. Decided where to live and where to put his stuff in our place. Then he decided it was too much commitment. He called me one night and said. I am out. I tried to give you hints. I do not want to get married. I do not want to live together. I do not want a future with you. Please let me go. I miss him more than I can say. I have had to fight my desire to see or talk to him everyday that he has been gone. I wanted him back but refused to let him see me so messed up by his leaving. Yesterday I found out that I have cervical cancer. He knew about the abnormal pap before he left. At the time he said if it was bad he would be there for me. Should I tell him and hope he will be there for me or do I keep up NC? Please help me with this .

modular01 · Jul 21, 2007, 03:27 PM

Originally Posted by leoparedgirl41

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me 9 days ago. He says he loves me and is in love with me but he is in a place in his life that he likes. He talked about marriage but did not want to get married. He said he wanted to live together first. We made plans to do this. decided where to live and where to put his stuff in our place. Then he decided it was to much commitment. He called me one night and said. I am out. I tried to give you hints. I do not want to get married. I do not want to live together. I do not want a future with you. Please let me go. I miss him more than I can say. I have had to fight my desire to see or talk to him everyday that he has been gone. I wanted him back but refused to let him see me so messed up by his leaving. Yesterday I found out that I have cervical cancer. Should I tell him and hope he will be there for me or do I keep up NC? Please help me with this .

You could try contacting him, and telling him, but he might think that you are making it up to get back together with him; not that I am saying that you are, but you have to try to place yourself in his shoes. If he said the things that he did when he broke up with you, you are probably better off not doing so. You have a lot going on with your health, and being in contact with him would just add to your stress level, which I can imagine is very high already. I would rely on your friends and family to be there for you during this hard time in your life, not a guy that pretty much (from the sound of it) walked away from everything that you and him experienced and shared together.

I wish you the best of luck with what you are going through. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.

nicespringgirl · Jul 21, 2007, 04:15 PM

Not you tell him, find a mutual person to do this! I think if you go ahead tell him, he might think you make it up. I am sorry about your illness, I hope he comes back to you and everything goes back to normal. I hope you become healthy soon!
Good luck.

shygrneyzs · Jul 21, 2007, 04:58 PM

I would not tell him because of the seemingly ulterior motive in telling him - that it would bring him back because he feels sympathy. You have family and other friends to go through this time. I am not negating the seriousness of cervical cancer - I have had that also. If he hears about this from someone else, fine. But make your own plans and concentrate on your own health, not him. Best to you.

serena6878 · Jul 21, 2007, 05:17 PM

I think you could tell him. But before that, please understand something in your heart. He might come back to comfort you, but he might not change his attitude towards relationship.
Telling or not telling him about your situation now relates to your definition of love too. Someone cares much about consequences of actions. He or she is afraid of being laughed at by the person in his or her heart. But strong and true love might be only once in a person's life. People could also think, "even though I could not get love back, but I once did my best to love a person. I don't care how he thinks of me" It depends on your feeling.

You will recover!

s_cianci · Jul 21, 2007, 05:30 PM

I'm sorry about your illness. You probably should be honest with him about it, but don't expect it to be a tool for winning him back out of sympathy or anything like that. DOn't expect him to put his life on hold when he finds out about your illness. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and don't worry about him.

serena6878 · Jul 21, 2007, 05:37 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

I'm sorry about your illness. You probably should be honest with him about it, but don't expect it to be a tool for winning him back out of sympathy or anything like that. DOn't expect him to put his life on hold when he finds out about your illness. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and don't worry about him.

Very right!

BN61239 · Jul 21, 2007, 06:32 PM

Tell him about it, but even though you love him, don't think of his sympathy for you as a way to win him back. If his mind is made up you cannot change it. Feel better soon, I'll be praying for you. God Bless!

talaniman · Jul 22, 2007, 09:54 PM

Your broken up, and this is no longer his concern a all. Let family and friends support you, and leave him alone. Any promise he made went away with him. Sorry, but you don't need the added stress of hoping for something he cannot give. Why ask for the misery, and what is the real reason you want to tell him of your illness?? Never mind, I know that you think his sympathy will turn back to love, and you will live happy ever after. Nope, sorry again, but it ain't going to happen that way.

Skell · Jul 22, 2007, 10:01 PM

I have to go along with most of the others and advise not to tell him. Sadly once he left you every promise he made left with him. I am sorry about your illness and the break up of your relationship but now your focus must be on getting healthy with the help of friends and family. As Tal said you don't need the added stress of what an ex brings with it.

I think that it is best that you just overcome this without him. The strength you will gain from it will be amazing.

Good luck!

mckenzie134 · Jul 22, 2007, 11:00 PM

Hes gone and theefore he no longer wants to be part of your life and therefore he should no longer know what you are donfg with your life... Its like that hard to take but he made the choice not to have you in his life... He has to live with thsat now. Tell him nothing he said he would be there that was when you were together. You're not now.