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kanicky73 · Jul 23, 2007, 02:00 PM

But all I keep hearing from you is one excuse after the other as to why your still with this man. Your broken heart if you want to call it that will mend. The emotional damage that this is causing your children can prove to be irreversible! That is what we are all trying to get you to understand right now. None of this right now at this moment is about you and what your feeling, and how upset your going to be when this loser is out of your life, its about getting your kids to a safe place. Protecting your children from someone like this. Its OK to be scared, but fear is not what I am sensing from you. Selfishness is the vibe your sending. If I was with a man that was that bad, it wouldn't matter how much I cared about him, he wouldn't be good for my kids and that is that. No one else in this world is going to protect those baby's from bad people but you!! They are a gift to you from god and you so far are not treating them that way! That's why I am so angry with you. Stop making excuses and do what is right for those kids. Stop talking and start acting! Go apply for any aide to help with finances, get a job, find sitters, get your but moving.

freaked out · Jul 23, 2007, 02:16 PM

I am not slefish at all I have a full time job and have my kids in daycare and I am getting my bills undercontrol if I am anything it is caring too much about him when I shouldn't he know excatly what to say to make me feel bad and feel sorry for him I just need to know what to do to get rid of that feeling because I know it is dumb in my head.. my heart still achs for him...

kanicky73 · Jul 23, 2007, 02:23 PM

That's what I don't get. How you could care about someone who treats you like that and dragged you with his car?

freaked out · Jul 23, 2007, 02:26 PM

I don't know that's my problem I am crazy I guess I just feel like I do not want to be alone because I have been with him so long he is my 1st love the father of my kids and we have been through sooooooooooo much together and he can be sweet and nice and loving and we do have fun together so HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST FORGET ABOUT ALL THAT?? PLEASE TELL ME THAT I am being strong and I am standing strong I just hope I can stay like that

kanicky73 · Jul 23, 2007, 02:35 PM

No one said you have to forget about all the good times. Let that be your strength here. You will survive, you will find someone else. But you can not continue to carry on with this man who really when it boils down to it, does not have your best interest nor your children's best interest in mind. Chalk it up as a lessoned learned. I am not just giving advice flying by the seat of my pants. I was in a bad relationship. No he did not physically abuse me, or do drugs or anything like that. He was just very non caring and didn't treat me and my kids the way that we deserve to be treated. I was with him for almost five years. Our kids were very young when we got together, so there was a lot of bonding and a lot of time involved. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. But I saw how unhappy my kids were and I couldn't let it continue. I loved him with all my heart and prayed to god every night that he would be the way I needed him to be. It wasn't going to happen, so I had no choice but to remove me and my kids from the situation. It was heart wrenching. But here I am a year later, happier than ever. And you know what? My kids are so happy its like they are totally different kids!!

freaked out · Jul 23, 2007, 02:47 PM

THANK YOU I really appriciate everything that you have told me and I totally agree with you and I do feel like this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done and I will do my best for my kids and myslef and hopefully I will come out of this situation stronger It is good to have someone to talk to that understand what I am going through and truly hears me and actually gives a s$%^ so thank you woman

kanicky73 · Jul 23, 2007, 02:50 PM

Your very welcome! Im sorry I hollered at you before, but I was so angry. One thing that you need to do right now, is when you talk, don't use the word "try" anymore. Say " I am going to". You would be amazed how much it really effects how you do things. I think your going to be OK, and I am glad that I could help. You email me anytime if you want me to chew your butt again!! LOL

freaked out · Jul 24, 2007, 07:32 AM

Man I am having a really really hard time HE called me again last night and stupid me talked to him and I felt bad for him I still said no even though he apoligized and cried and all that but if I talk to him I always feel like I love him too much to be without him God I need some serious help Or is this true LOVE?? I know what everyone will say ITS NOT and I need to move on for my kids I just need to bite my lip and just do it saty busy and do not think about the past and just think about the future... Does anyone think talking to a thearpist will help I used to talk to one when I was little and I hated it?? But will it really really help??

kanicky73 · Jul 24, 2007, 07:35 AM

I think it would definetely help in this situation. You need someone to help you be strong here. No I really don't think its true love honey. When its true love, neither one of you disrespect the other, period!

bushg · Jul 24, 2007, 07:45 AM

Freakedout Do you love him enough to let him kill you? From the sounds of it he is going to kill you. Either accidentally or on purpose dead is dead! Dead is when your heart no longer beats, your brain has no activity, your organs no longer function! You will either become ashes from being cremated. You may be in the ground where your body will eventually rot. Or you may be given to science to be experimented on. You kids will be in foster care or with family members, and he will be in prison for some years and then he will probably get out and hook up with some other babe and kick her A$$ for a while, while you lay in the ground and keep on rotting, fertilizing plants or have your data placed in books by some research group. Every time he gives you "I love you" think of how you felt the day he dragged you down the street and didn't love you enough to even stop the damn car! If he took your kitten and ran what makes you think he will not take your kids and do the same thing. It is just a matter of time! What if your kids had beeen in that car watching their daddy dragging their mommy down the street, How do you think they would have reacted ? Think about this before you fall for his Bull$hit lines again. If you go back to him you need to sign your kids over to CPS or a family member because they do not deserve to live in this hell. There is nothing you can do for him, he has to help his self. But you have the power to help you and your kids.

freaked out · Jul 24, 2007, 07:48 AM

Hey you I knew you would respond How did you get over your relationship with your guy you really really loved him like I mean feel sick to your stomach, not able to eat, just feel like really depressed?

NeedKarma · Jul 24, 2007, 07:57 AM

I think the problem may be that you feel that you need to be with someone.. anyone. Are you comfortable with living on your own for a while?

freaked out · Jul 24, 2007, 08:00 AM

No that's the problem I think but I am living back home with my parents now so I am not alone I just am the type of person that's needs a lot of attention and there is this guy at work that has been my friend for a while and I really like him and he wants to start dating me and in a way I really really want to but I do not want to start dating to quickly but he makes me feel good he is nice and a gentlmen

kanicky73 · Jul 24, 2007, 08:02 AM

I just really focused on my kids and doing stuff with them. Taking them to the park. I really dove into my work. The key here is to fill the moments of nothing to do, with something. Do crafts with the kids, go for walks with them. The more you keep busy the less you will think about him. And just keep telling yourself that you are so much better than that and that you are going to be just fine. It will take time, but each day it gets a little easier.

hettie · Jul 24, 2007, 09:49 AM

I can get the not getting over him part honest I do put think look at it this way and I don't mean to upset you. He could have killed the mother of his children then what would have happened they would have been rasied by a drug addict with no chance of a normal life or taken into protective custody. I am not in any way disrespecting protective custody by the way but it obviously can not compare to a mother. Also children learn by example do u really want your children to think it is acceptable to treat/ be treated this way? We all have the ability to fall for a bad guy and stay floored no matter how badly they treat us so don't feel badly about that. All I can do is say try your best by your kids make sure any restraining orders are enforced and get the scumbag locked up do not contact him in prison or fall for the I've changed line. Take your time and be on yourown for a bit build up a nice life for yourself and your kids then when the time is right you will find a man who deserves to be with you and your children. I hope you get it sorted and remember help is only a click away

modular01 · Jul 24, 2007, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by freaked out

no thats the problem i think but i am living back home with my parents now so I am not alone I just am the type of person thats needs a lot of attention and there is this guy at work that has been my friend for a while and I really like him and he wants to start dating me and in a way i really really want to but i do not want to start dating to quickly but he makes me feel good he is nice and a gentlmen

I'd personally just take the time to get your emotional state back in order instead of even thinking about going out with the guy that you work with. You need time to be alone, grow as a person, love yourself, and heal yourself after the relationship that just (hopefully) ended.

kanicky73 · Aug 10, 2007, 08:11 AM

Hey Freaked out, how are things going? Can you give us an update? I have been thinking about you.

freaked out · Aug 10, 2007, 08:26 AM

Hi thanks for asking I am OK just still having a hard time I am so lonely and I was having a scare of being pregnant I was feeling sick and I missed my pill for a while and I had sex with the a-hole so I was freaking out a little but I do not think I am pregnant for now and at first I was thinking I wanted to be pregnant so I will feel like I am doing something and I am not alone... but I know that is not the answer I am feeling really sad and lonely without HIM but I know I will get over it and be better off he is just being so mean still writing me e-mails putting me down telling me I am a bad mother and it really really hurts I do not know how to get over that yet but I am just doing it day by day and having faith in myself so I do not make a bad mistake and go back again... How are you doing

J_9 · Aug 10, 2007, 08:37 AM

Freaked hun, you are very smart knowing that pregnancy will not solve any issues he has. It will most likely only make things worse. I am sure you know that.

As for the e-mails, why read them in the first place hun? It just means that he still has control of you. Delete him from your contacts, delete his emails. DON'T let him control you anymore. That means no contact with him whatsoever.

kanicky73 · Aug 10, 2007, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by freaked out

Hi thanks for asking I am ok just still having a hard time I am so lonely and I was having a scare of being pregnant I was feeling sick and I missed my pill for a while and i had sex with the a-hole so I was freaking out a little but I do not think I am pregnant for now and at first i was thinking I wanted to be pregnant so i will feel like I am doing something and I am not alone ... but I know that is not the answer i am feeling really sad and lonely without HIM but i know I will get over it and be better off he is just being so mean still writing me e-mails putting me down telling me I am a bad mother and it really really hurts i do not know how to get over that yet but i am just doing it day by day and having faith in myself so I do not make a bad mistake and go back again..... How are you doing

Oh my god!! Stop having sex with him. Recognize your moments of weakness and work past them! You may have been in the clear this time but not so lucky in the future. Good for you to realize pregnancy won't help, but protect yourself from even giving that scenario a possibility!! Cut yourself off from him completely.