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Tuscany · Jul 18, 2007, 03:45 PM

So I made this really nice dinner tonight for my husband and I. We both really like Italian food so I made portabella parmigiano over pasta, homemade garlic toast, salad, and an ice cream pie for dessert. We don't usually eat like this but I just thought I would make a special dinner. As I was making dinner I sent picture messages to my husband as clues to what we were having. We were bantering back and forth all day. Everything seemed fine.

He came home and dinner was ready after about 20 minutes. He took like two bites, told me it tasted like crap (I am an award winning Italian cook, no joke, and so I know when things taste like crap, this did not). He slammed his fork down, screamed at me that I made dinner wrong. When I told him how I made it, he went through the garbage screaming that I was lying to him. Which I was not. Then left the kitchen. About 5 minutes later he came back, still yelling at me for lying to him about how I made it. I told him again how I made it, and he continued to yell, slam things, and then the real Tuscany had to go out. I went to let him out, and he yelled at me again, and then yelled at the dog. It actually scared the dog (we don't typically believe in yelling, it just scares Tuscany).

He came back from letting the dog in and again started yelling at me, then went to the bedroom, slamming the door. Tuscany and I are in the computer room, and I am not sure what to do next. I am scared to go down to talk to him because I hate being yelled at. But, I don't want to end the night like this. I just keep crying. What should I do?

bushg · Jul 18, 2007, 03:58 PM

I am so sorry for you. I do not know you very well. But please just stay put and do not make him angrier. Just settle down and take comfort from your dog, maybe take him for a walk. Just settle your mind and you can decide later if you want to try and talk to your husband, but for now let things cool down.

AKaeTrue · Jul 18, 2007, 04:01 PM

Honey, I'm so sorry.
It appears your hubby had a really bad day and is taking it out on you.
You tried to make a nice evening, so don't beat yourself up over this.
Was there a reason you went to so much trouble?

For now, I'd just let him be...

Is he the type to apologize for snapping at you for no reason?

Tuscany · Jul 18, 2007, 04:11 PM

I pretty much just made it because we have not had dinner together just the two of us in awhile and I thought it would be nice. I have made the same meal in the past and he loved it.

Thank you both. I think I am just going to stay right here for awhile... my puppy is happy, and he is super cuddily right now... so I am going to enjoy that.

No he is not an apologizer... never has been.

AKaeTrue · Jul 18, 2007, 06:05 PM

My animals are great comfort to me when I'm sad too.
It's like they know.

Hopefully your husbands mood will improve shortly and you both
Can discuss what happened.

Please let us know the outcome and how you're doing.

Skell · Jul 18, 2007, 06:57 PM

Yes I agree with the others that it is best to let him cool down. Sorry that he carried on like this.

Is he usually such a hostile man?

Tuscany · Jul 18, 2007, 07:00 PM

Originally Posted by Skell

Yes i agree with the others that it is best to let him cool down. Sorry that he carried on like this.

Is he usually such a hostile man?

NO! That is why I am so upset. He is usually very calm and cool. In the years (almost 10) we have been together I can count on one hand the number of times he raised his voice at me. We disagree sure, but it never escalates to what happened tonight.

Skell · Jul 18, 2007, 07:02 PM

Well in a way that is good to hear. Im glad it isn't common practice. But I'm sure it must make it all the more scarier for you.

Hoping he just had a really bad day at work and was looking for a fight. I know sometimes as bad as it I am like that. I will bottle everything up until I see the person I care most and let it all out on them in a fit of anger.

Sometimes it is easier to be mad at the people we love then the people we dislike.

Crazy isn't it. But that's what men can be like sometimes.

Tuscany · Jul 18, 2007, 07:15 PM

Thanks Skell... Even though my heart knows that to be true, it hurt really bad when he started screaming at me. He is asleep now... I only hope that he apologizes in the morning.

Thanks for listening.

Skell · Jul 18, 2007, 07:20 PM

Is it possible that he had some drink after work? The only time I seem to fly off the handle is when I have a little too much to drink and I'm in a bad mood.

I know it must have hurt and it sounds terrible. Let him sleep it off and see if his attitude changes in the morning.

But again you know what stubborn men can be like. He may be to stubborn to apologise.

Allheart · Jul 19, 2007, 01:07 AM

Hi Tuscany,

Hope - what a difference a day makes - holds true in this case and the air is clearer.

So sorry about what happened and how sweet of you to cook the dinner. Bet you put your heart right in it and that is what hurts.

Oh I am more than sure he appreciated it. And hopefully today he will give you some indication as to why his mood was the way it was.

Why do men or we actually, "hurt the ones we love" in the way we do. We don't mean to, but I guess we feel a little safer showing our bad side with someone we knows loves us unconditionally. Loves us for our good and not so good points. That when we act our worst, and take all of lifes bumps out on each other, somewhere within us, we know that person, who loves us, will still be there once the storm has passed. The secret is, or what is so important, is that we don't take advantage of that, that we don't take it for granted, and that it happens oh every blue and green moon.

Hugs to you honey - and maybe in some way, there will be some good coming out of this. Maybe some things have been on his mind and this will bring them to the surface and get him to talk about them. I know when hubby has things on his mind, I get the "wonderful" crabby mood, but he doesn't reveal what is wrong until he demonstrates his cranky side.

More hugs Tuscany -

Allheart

Tuscany · Jul 19, 2007, 11:52 AM

Thanks AH for the hugs and the words of wisdom.

I did not go to bed until very late last night. He was already asleep, but in the middle of the night I woke up and he was holding my hand. He apologized then and again this morning. At about 8:15am he called and invited me to go out to breakfast with him. He told me then that he had had a bad meeting at the end of the day and that he took it out on me. I told him that we all have bad days, but that I did not deserve to be treated like I was last night.

Things are better that is for sure. It was just so unlike him, and that is what scared me.

Allheart · Jul 19, 2007, 01:38 PM

Oh Tuscany... so glad to hear that.

Hey, those rough spots sure make us appreciate just a little more the nice and peaceful times. I completely understand your concern.

Here is your hug for the day :)

mr.yet · Jul 19, 2007, 01:48 PM

Oh Tuscany. I love Italian can we trade some meal ideas? Glad your OK now.

AKaeTrue · Jul 19, 2007, 05:52 PM

I'm glad he apologized and things have gone back to normal.

talaniman · Jul 19, 2007, 10:31 PM

Hats off knowing when to back off, and let him stew in his own juice. I figured it had nothing to do with you and dinner, but even the best of us has a bad day. You handled it perfectly.

s_cianci · Jul 21, 2007, 08:37 PM

Pack your bags and go. You don't need or deserve this abuse. And it could, and probably will, get worse. For your own safety and peace of mind get out now.

Tuscany · Jul 22, 2007, 07:46 AM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

Pack your bags and go. You don't need or deserve this abuse. And it could, and probably will, get worse. For your own safety and peace of mind get out now.

It truly is uncaracteristic of him to be like this. I have known him my whole life, but have been dating him for 9 and married to him for one and I can honestly count on one hand the number of times he raised his voice at me, or during a discussion. Sure we argue, but we do so in a mature manner. That is why he caught me so off guard.

Thanks everyone for your comments. Things are better for sure. We have had a wonderful weekend. He took me to dinner on Friday, we talked again about what happened (he brought it up). And he apologized again.

J_9 · Jul 22, 2007, 07:54 AM

Tuscany, I am so sorry I missed this post!!

Hun, that had to have been AWFUL!!

I am glad things are better now. It is so good that he apologized and better yet that you accepted.

Good to hear that things are on the right track again.

So sorry I missed it when you needed friends.

s_cianci · Jul 22, 2007, 07:57 AM

Originally Posted by Tuscany

It truly is uncaracteristic of him to be like this. I have known him my whole life, but have been dating him for 9 and married to him for one and I can honestly count on one hand the number of times he raised his voice at me, or during a discussion. Sure we argue, but we do so in a mature manner. That is why he caught me so off gaurd.

Thanks everyone for your comments. Things are better for sure. We have had a wonderful weekend. He took me to dinner on Friday, we talked again about what happened (he brought it up). And he apologized again.

Well OK, but still keep your guard up. And don't let him get away with this sort of behavior any more. If his personality is suddenly changing without any plausible explanation it could indicate a need for medical attention.