[ShyDater]

I'm usually shy on dates but when meeting this girl on Thursday I felt very relaxed because as soon as our met she smiled. So that made things a little easier for me. And during the date she smiled as we chatted, complimented me on my dimples, brung up the topic of sex and hinted at future activities. We sat in the park and talked after having coffee and then we ended the date with a hug.


I called the same night as the date but couldn't leave a message because her mailbox was full on cell phone. So when should I make my next phone call? I'm not that good at reaching the 2nd date and haven't in 7 years. So I would appreciate any advice, thanks everyone

[Clough]

Sounds like a really good experience for a first date!

Be honest, patient, caring, sensitive, open to what she wants, listen first - talk later, don't be in rush, watch the sex thing - best not to even go there too soon, don't put pressure on her, etc.

Want her, don't need her. Take your time. She has a life as do you. Trying to call on the same night might be taken by her as you wanting to rush things and come on as a "heavy" for her.

Everyone needs space to breath. Call again in a day or two.

Hopefully, others will come along and add their advice.

[ShyDater]

Sounds like a really good experience for a first date!

Be honest, patient, caring, sensitive, open to what she wants, listen first - talk later, don't be in rush, watch the sex thing - best not to even go there too soon, don't put pressure on her, etc.

Want her, don't need her. Take your time. She has a life as do you. Trying to call on the same night might be taken by her as you wanting to rush things and come on as a "heavy" for her.

Everyone needs space to breath. Call again in a day or two.

Hopefully, others will come along and add their advice.

Thanks for the reply. Even if the Mailbox wasn't full I wouldn't have left a message anyway because a 2nd date wasn't scheduled yet. I just feel weird leaving a message before interest is confirmed

[Clough]

Just a couple other things from me. Have fun and don't be analyzing things so much. I analyze things so much that I have been criticized for it. I can already see that you have similar traits to me because you are trying to figure out so much about what to do because of the way that she acts and your interpretation about what you think another person might think about you. This being based on your other post.

Go with the flow...

[s_cianci]

Don't be over-anxious. Wait a while. After all, you're busy and have a life. At least that's the impression you want to give. And if it's only an impression, then you ought to take steps to make it a reality rather than just an impression. After about 7-10 days, give her a call and say something like "Sorry I didn't call you sooner, but I've just be so darned busy I haven't have a chance." Then let things flow and I think you'll be all right.

[ShyDater]

Don't be over-anxious. Wait a while. After all, you're busy and have a life. At least that's the impression you want to give. And if it's only an impression, then you ought to take steps to make it a reality rather than just an impression. after about 7-10 days, give her a call and say something like "Sorry I didn't call you sooner, but I've just be so darned busy I haven't have a chance." Then let things flow and I think you'll be alright.

I will admit I'm not good at this dating thing but 7 days to 10 days?? I'm confident she would lose interest after that

[nicespringgirl]

Email her! I think it's good to keep in contact!good luck:)

[ShyDater]

email her! I think it's good to keep in contact!good luck:)

Yeah I thought about doing a small email but I already told her on the date that I no longer want to CMM with her by email. Only phone and face to face since we are not beyond the first meeting

[ShyDater]

Do not make any more requests about not communicating online yet…because that will make you look like you’re desperate to get close fast (a turn off and it brings your worth value down). It shows you’re not totally cool and laid back…maybe even a bit insecure to have suggested this so early in the relationship?

You should never call on the same night of a date either. That sends a flag in a woman’s head that you’re a needy man (even if she is totally digging you – you can’t take this risk).
Don’t be too slow with this, but don’t be too anxious and call her the same night of a date either. It could make you look like you already don’t have other things to do besides her…as if you have no other life to attend to.

Think about the reasons why you haven’t gotten a second date in the past few years. I know it gets confusing as to know what to do when you’re shy (maybe even a bit socially awkward in certain situations), but this is why you have to be more self-aware of your behaviour!

I hope this has helped. Good luck.

But should it really matter when two people are in their early 30's? I mean who wants to play this high school game of Waiting to call? This is why dating is so annoying. And when I made the email comment I was just saying it's no need to send emails anymore since we are past the first meeting. I mean say what in a email after going on a first date?-lol

[J_9]

It is even more important when you are in your 30s not to call so soon. Much more important. You don't want her to think you are already starting to smother her.

2 days is a good rule of thumb about calling, especially at this age. Much sooner and you come off as needy, much longer and you run the risk of her thinking you are not interested.

E-mails are very impersonal, and I would steer clear of that too.

[ShyDater]

It is even more important when you are in your 30s not to call so soon. Much more important. You don't want her to think you are already starting to smother her.

2 days is a good rule of thumb about calling, especially at this age. Much sooner and you come off as needy, much longer and you run the risk of her thinking you are not interested.

E-mails are very impersonal, and I would steer clear of that too.

I know I take first dates more seriously at 32 than I did at 22. I would say I'm a little desperate to have a OUTDOOR LIFE not necessarily for a relationship. I just feel its time for me to get out more and have fun.

[ShyDater]

If you’re relaxed and cool enough, then doing email or not shouldn’t matter—that’s the point. If you’re relaxed and cool enough, I think you wouldn’t need to call her the same night you went out, all with the intention of clearing up what was going down for a second date…your secure enough to think it wouldn’t have to be resolved the same night. You want to leave good impressions; that you are secure and that you don’t have petty rules. You seem to believe that indeed it does matter, even when you are in your 30s, to make sure that you don’t use email to communicate after a first date. I’m not saying this would end your chances with her, but I think it’s usually a point on the minus list.

And yes you are absolutely right – why should this matter when you are in your early 30s? But damn it, it does! Why do people colour their hair? On an existential level…why would brown, red or purple hair make a difference—especially when you’re in your 30s.

It’s easy to trivialize this, and to believe that one phone call won’t make a difference, but first impressions are very important. First dates—we tend to analyze them and make judgments—especially because they determine whether we want a second date or not.

So you have to be cool. You can’t leave an aura of need. If you aren’t needy, then be self-aware enough to realize whether you are accidentally giving off that impression or not.

All the best.

Well I will try to do the things below to get mind off her and my date I had two days ago the rest of the weekend

Sports
Internet
Music
Reading

[mckenzie134]

Calling on the same night!! You'll be lucky to get a second date! Good luck!!

[Sparkle1]

I think you should call this girl right away to let her know you had a great time and let her know you'd like to see her again. She's probably waiting for you to call. She's a girl, she's not going to call you.

[talaniman]

3 days is a good enough time to give her a call.