[lulu2912]

My son is five and this morning his 4 month old kitten died. She had gotten under my husbands truck and evidently got near the engine. When he turned his truck on, it killed the kitten. We have not told my son yet and I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how we should tell him. He really loved the kitten and is going to be heartbroken. Please help.

[Wondergirl]

This is a good reason to make cats indoor-only pets. (And neuter them!)

Did you bury/dispose of the body yet? If not, have a simple burial with your son and decorate the grave. Then occasionally mention the kitten in conversation as appropriate. If so, have a simple memorial time in which you and your son can talk about the kitten, write a poem and post it somewhere, or write a story and post that. Death is part of life. Don't hide it from him.

If possible, get another cat or kitten after a while, but not as a replacement. Even go to a shelter, if that is possible, so you can give a homeless (and maybe soon-to-be-euthanized) cat a home and your son's love.

[lulu2912]

Yes my husband buried her this morning, it happened after I left for work. We are going to sit him down and tell him tonight when I get home. I have a mosaic stone kit and I think we might make that and put it over the cats grave so we can visit the kitten, does that sound okay?

[Wondergirl]

That sounds great! While placing the mosaic pieces, talk about the kitten, memories of it, how it looked and sounded and what it liked and disliked. Never hesitate to talk about it in the future.

(Reminds me of an elderly woman I counseled. Her favorite brother had died and no one else in the family would talk with her about him -- "He's gone, and no talking will bring him back. Get on with your life" is what they told her. Talking to me about him was the best medicine for her.)

If your son asks about getting another kitten, tell him the best way to honor his kitten would be that very thing, but let's remember "Fluffy" for a while first.

[rankrank55]

Wondergirl's advice is great but I wanted to add a couple of things. Make sure you explain to him that the kitten did in fact die and is not simply "gone." It's important for young children to understand death and not associate it with just "leaving" or "being gone." Good luck and sorry about the kitty!

[lulu2912]

I just worry that if we get another cat, the same thing will happen. We have another cat and she stays inside, so I really don't know if I want to go through this again, but I really appreciate all of your recommendations. You were very helpful!!

[rankrank55]

This is actually a potentionally good learning experience for him!

[lulu2912]

Well I am definitely not one of those parents who tell their child that the cat just ran away, I think it's horrible. My son knows what death is and understands it, so I hope it won't be too hard on him.

[rankrank55]

Since you now know that the cats can become harmed if near the engine of a vehicle you can probably prevent this from happening again by simply being more cautious and checking before starting the car. You could get a cat that is a little older; they tend to not do the whole engine thing like kittens do.

[lulu2912]

Yeah that's a good idea!! Thanks

[rankrank55]

He will probably be sad, of course, but I think he will be okay! :)

[Wondergirl]

Unfortunately, cats and dogs don't live as long as their owners do. My oldest cat is 15 now (but now and then pretends he is 3 months old when he chases a moth in the house). My soulmate cat is 13. I suspect I will have some sad days ahead of me, but then both are still fairly healthy, so maybe they will outlast ME!

Like I had said, death is part of life. Better to accept that and know how to deal with it than to be fearful and anxious, worrying about who in my life will I lose next. That's why I first took my young sons to wakes and funerals of people they didn't know well just to see what all goes on and give them the non-emotional space to ask questions when we got home.

P.S. Yes, don't forget the "older" cat adoption idea.

[Topmodel]

Life comes and goes. Unfortunately you have to be honest with your son and tell him that the kitten died. You don't have to tell him exactly how he died but just say he went to a better place. You can always replace an animal. Have a little funeral. That's what me and my boyfriend did with his puppy Gizmo. We had a little funeral and buried him in his backyard under a nice tree. We even buried him with his favorite toy. By doing that with your son, it shows him how to look at death easier. It lets him know that you cared as much for his pet as him

Then take him to go pick out another one. Tell him about when us humans die as well, that way when he gets older, he won't expect for you all to be imortal. Learning about death at a young age can be very bennificial to a child

[bushg]

Sorry about your cat.I think a funeral and making the stone is a wonderful idea. In my family we toot the horn when we first get in the cars, so that anylittle critters sleeping in or near by the cars, can move out of the way.

[danielnoahsmommy]

My sons favorit fish died. The fish was 21/2 (he did not live that long we had several replacement fish) the last time the fish past away, we could not
Get a replacement fast enough. We simply told him that the fish is in heaven now with GOD. He accepted it and we bought 4 fish in his place.

[lulu2912]

I thank you all for your help. We ended up just sitting him down and telling him that it was Tinkerbell's time to go and be with God. He was very upset and cried for a while. We then took him to see where she was buried and he talked to her. He said that she wasn't happy in Heaven and that she needed him. I tried to explain that Heaven is a happy place, but he didn't really agree. He got upset a few times over the next couple of days (usually at night) he wanted to know if he was going to be underground when he died. He has asked many times about death in the past. He always says he doesn't want me or my husband to die and he doesn't want to die. I think he thinks about it more then most 5 year olds do. He worries a lot about it. He hasn't spoken about it in the last couple of days, so hopefully his mind is now at ease.

[Topmodel]

He will get a better understanding of death when he gets older, of coarse