[REDorBLACK]

Hello, This is the first time I write here. I am really confused and angry and do not know what to do so I need your help and advice.
I am married to a guy for just over a year now, we had a long distant relation for 8 months before. We are from different countries. I love my husband and I am sure he loves me or I was sure that he loves me. The problem started when he went back to his hometown for a business trip, he has a lot of female friends whom I know and developed a very good relation with them. When he came back from his trip, something was changed about him. Two days after he came back, I woke up before him and sat drank my coffee and I don't know what made me open his mobile and see the sms (this was the first time I ever do it) and I found out that he is sending messages to an old friend who she was married but divorced now telling her that she is the love that he will never have and he can't do anything because he loves his wife (ME). After reading this I was so angry but did not do anything and I started reading every night all the messages between them and I know for sure now that they have feelings for each other. I did not tell him anything yet and I don't know what to do. Shall I confront him? Or just shaut up as I know that nothing more will happened between them?

Please help

[bushg]

I honestly believe that you can love 2 people at the same time. Having said that you can have the feelings but not act on them. I think this usually happens when going from one relationship to the other. It will not be exactly the same kind of love. At least he knows that he can not have her and he does say that he loves you. I'm not telling you to shut your eyes and pretend like you do not know. Nor am I telling you to put up with him being unfaithful. You can continue being your loving self and hopefully he will keep falling deeper in love with you. She was probably and old flame that it did not work out with, for whatever reason. For now I would Just let it drop. But keep your eyes open.

[talaniman]

He can't be looking to hide much, since he leaves the phone available for you to examine. I think he is seeing what your reaction will be, and if you'll go through his stuff. Don't confront him, but talk as a loving concerned wife, and just ask him what's up. This will show you snooped through his stuff, but don't fly off the handle, and be accusing or assuming or jealous and evil tempered. Come on, what wife resist going through the husbands stuff??

[REDorBLACK]

Thanks for your answers. Bushg, I know its possible to love to persons but its difficult to know that you are not the only person in his life. Talaniman, he is leaving his stuff not because he does not have anything to hide but because he knows that I am not kind of person who check his stuff, I don't know why I did it that time and I know it was a mistake. The problem that he always asking me if I will cheat on him and at the end he did it.

[bushg]

Red I believe if he were truly trying to be deceptive that he would have erased the messages. Telling her he loves her is not cheating. However Red Flag! When a man is insecure about you cheating on them I have to ask why? Is it because they are doing the same thing. After this second post I believe Tal is right time to have a chat with hubby.

[Marily]

It was wrong of you to check his messages, and it was definitely wrong of your husband to do this to you. I think you should confront him, respectfully so that you can know where you stand with him