Check out some similar questions!

confused351 · Jul 11, 2007, 12:42 PM

I have been married for a little over a year. We were together 5 years beforehand and lived together for 3 1/2 of them. We have never really had a great sex (some prior trauma on my end that I am working on) life but seemed to be compatible otherwise and he always stated that it never bothered him (that is until AFTER we were married). We are very different people but it seems that is what brought is together. Last week he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore and we were done. I was completely blindsided and mainly speechless. He has always been against therapy/counseling of any kind. Seems the following day he decided we should try counseling (I feel like that is what should have been said in the first place). In any event we will be trying counseling but I have no idea what to expect and if I can ever trust him the same way again. So I don't know how much of this we can do. I love him, but I don't know if I can ever get over the fact that this may happen again.

JoeCanada76 · Jul 11, 2007, 12:47 PM

It is important that you both go through the marriage counseling. I am sure that it is diffulcult but many people do not know how to express themselves and it was probably a hard thing to approach you with. You both need to work on it and now it seems like he is willing to work on it with you. This is a step forward and shows that he really does care.

Best of luck, whatever counseling may bring know it is for the better with whatever does happen in the future.

Joe

PixieMama · Jul 11, 2007, 12:52 PM

Ouch! I hope that through conseling you two can work things out. Did he give any explanation as to why he's not in love with you anymore or what changed? Maybe he's just going through some doubt and it will subside. I think one of the most important things in marriage is open lines of communication! If he fell out of love is it possible to fall back in love? You haven't been married very long - to call it quits now really isn't giving the marriage a chance to work. It really bothers me that people seem to take their marriage vows so lightly these days and are so ready to call quits when things get tough. But that's life. It's tough.

I really do hope you two are able to work it out and that the conseling helps!

GOOD LUCK!

confused351 · Jul 11, 2007, 12:57 PM

Ouch is right and I agree- I hope it can be saved too. It seems he fell in love with me when I was fun- I don't seem to be that fun person anymore. Seems I am actually worried about bills and stuff. I am sure I have grown up a bit since we met, but I am the same person that he married not that long ago. So I guess we shall see. At this point I want to get this counseling started to see where we stand as this living in limbo is very odd.

PixieMama · Jul 11, 2007, 04:09 PM

Originally Posted by confused351

Ouch is right and I agree- I hope it can be saved too. It seems he fell in love with me when I was fun- i don't seem to be that fun person anymore. Seems I am actually worried about bills and stuff. I am sure I have grown up a bit since we met, but I am the same person that he married not that long ago. So I guess we shall see. At this point I want to get this counseling started to see where we stand as this living in limbo is very odd.

Well, as an adult, yeah... we worry about bills, and buying groceries, and putting gas in the car. It's called being a responcible adult. What do you guys do together? Has your life become routine? Go to work, come home, make/eat dinner, watch some TV, play on computer, shower, bed - rinse, wash, repeat?. If that's the case, then I can see how he would get bored and how you probably would too. But adults don't have as much free time or energy as we did when we were younger. How about making an effort to try spicing it up? Do you two have any common interests? Video games? Board games? Card games? Play with each other! Go on a date. Go have some fun. Everyone could use a little fun now and then. He probably just misses the stuff you two used to do together.

confused351 · Jul 12, 2007, 06:07 AM

And that is what I told him- sometimes we have to grow up it doesn't mean that we aren't 'fun' anymore it just means we have to balance. Well we see a counselor this evening so that should prove interesting- let's see which personality he berings tonight :)

confused351 · Jul 12, 2007, 09:23 AM

Thanks- me too. If not at least we will end this before we had children- guess that is the bright side. Really weird how you feel like you know someone- we were the couple that everyone thought was perfect- you know- marrying your best friend... so we will just have to see what happens over the next few weeks... Just strange how he looks at a marriage like a high school relationship. You're not happy you get out-that's not how the real world works- only positive in all of this is that I gave up smoking almost two years ago and have not gone back as a result of this- that is HUGE!