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Junior Member
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Jul 9, 2007, 06:06 AM
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Losing touch
Am I just having a hard time with the way a relationship moves on from always touchy feely to being more comfortable or is it normal for a woman to feel so empty and alone after 2 years because the man is lacking in affection and emotion? I need to know if I'm expecting too much or being too pushy or are a majority of women like this.
We've been together, like I previously said, for 2 years. It's been wonderful except for the emotional part of our relationship. I don't need or want for anything except attention. I know that guys are not at all like us women, were more open with our feelings. In the 2 years, he's given me flowers once. He blames this on not having a vehicle to go get them himself while he can run with his buddies to bike shops and go on beer runs whenever. He's initiated sex MAYBE 5 times in the whole 2 years, and 5 is probably pushing it. We went 6 WEEKS once because I was tired of being the initiator so I wanted to see what would happen... Exactly that, nothing. When he does hold me or kiss me and when we do have sex there is a lot of feeling from him, it's not just "Ok, let's get this done and over with" but I ALWAYS have to go to him. Do you realise what this does to a woman?!
When we first met it was the whole shebang "I'll always make you feel my love" and "I'll never let you down" Well, not too long after I guess he got comfortable way before I did because I've been longing for a loooong time.
I try to tell him how I feel but he gets angry, says he doesn't want to argue and complains that I'm b*tch*ng too much. Now, mind you, my sense of talking is his arguing.
All I want is that occasional "You're beautiful" or to be grabbed up and kissed and held, feel the emotion. I know he's a man, I know he's not the same as me emotionally. But why does he have to be so d*mn stubborn!
For example, the other day I left him a comment saying how much I still felt for him and how he's still my everything. No reply, nothing. I ask him for some sort of response, ANYTHING and all he can say is how he was too hung over and how I'd expect him to read all that (cause he hates reading) but then goes and tries posting a comment to a chick friend of his! Nothing serious, just a stupid joke thing but still! He doesn't have the time to respond at all to mine but can leave her one! What the sh*t!
I do know, with everything that I have, that he loves me, he's with me and that he won't cheat. But it's just the sense that I feel unattractive, unadored and unappreciated. And I try not to nag so much for fear that my nagging will only push him away.
I don't want to leave him but my feelings are slowly dwindling away. I will not cheat and I will not go out looking for attention from other men but I will be pushed away from him and just not care anymore. I don't want that to happen.
Here's a little story that's kind of funny but definitely wasn't at the time.
I have 2 kids, both girls, 9 & 8.. About a week ago I had an appt. out of town so he watched the kids. They were wonderful for him (of course) but as soon as I came in it was "Mommy! Mommy!" and they were stuck to me like glue again, fighting, rowdy as could be. He says "They were so quiet and good while you were gone" (all mothers know how that goes) Anyway, so he goes back upstairs on the comp. comes down about 10 minutes later, looks at me and says "Ya know what I think you should do?" I say "What's that?" he says "I think you should leave"
My heart dropped to my toes, I started shaking and tears welled up in my eyes and I'm like "What?!?!" He starts laughing, looking all confused and says "No, not leave, go back to _____(where i'd been)" Oh, My, God... I was so scared! Just the way things have been between us, so touchy you know? Scared the crap out of me! He asked me why I'd even think he meant it that way so I told him why, that it's been rocky between us for a while and that he's been pretty much absent in the emotion department. I don't know. I use to look at his history, constantly, when I finally set it so it wouldn't save anymore. I would log into his accounts and check his messages (with his consent, since he knows that I know his passwords) He doesn't hide anything... As far as I know anyway. But, almost every single night I go to bed hours before him because he sits up all night on the computer. I always wonder what it is that he's doing. But I wouldn't know since everything gets erased once you close the browser. So then I start wondering. There is A lot more that I could share but this is long enough. I guess I really don't have a question except for what I asked in the beginning but I'd just like some insight, maybe from males since they're all pretty much hard wired all the same.
Yes, I show him attention. Yes, I've kept up with my appearance these 2 years. No, I don't do anything that would make him doubt me and my love & loyalty to him. What else is there that could be asked of me... Hmmmm... We go out a lot together, do things together. Were each others confidant and best friend. He's just lost that loving feeling that he once had. There's so much else going on that I feel like I have to compete with (4 wheelers & friends) and honestly, I'm getting pretty tired of it. I used to cry but since I'm starting to not care as much, the tears won't come, I get so angry and frustrated sometimes. He has enough time to play outside with his friends and to sit on the comp. for hours but when it comes to me, oh, he's too hot or he's too sweaty or he's too tired, blah blah blah. K, here's a question I just thought of. Why is it that many of us women make our man and our home our life, we'd do anything we have to just to make sure that they're happy and satisfied but when it comes to the man they forget where they're home truly is and they forget who it is that they truly have to live for. That one person who desperately needs their love and affection. They think "Oh, Im here, I don't cheat & I'm not going anywhere so why do I have to show you any love any more, you should just know" Blah Blah Blah... It's b*llsh*t. Whatever, I'm making myself get angry now.. LOL
I just want to kick him in the knee and say "Give me attention now or I'm out!"
Thanks for reading if you actually made it this far :) It just felt really good to get this out.
Oh man, I just thought of one more thing, He asks why I have to b*tch so much, I ask what is there really to NOT b*tch about??
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